December 08, 2004

Heeb Magazine Crew Visits San Francisco

With only a week left in SF before I'd be moving back to NYC, I got an email from my good buddy Adam Baruchowitz (one of the guys involved with started HEEB Magazine: The New Jew Review) that he'd be heading out to SF on business and wanted to know if I'd still be out there to show him a good time. "I'm here to show you as much of a good time as I've been able to find out here in California," I promised him.

Wednesday, December 8th

Mike D. called me to tell me about some art party that was going on a gallery near the hotel where Adam and his friend (Heeb, Editor in Chief) Josh Neuman were staying, so we agreed to meet up there. Said "art party" included a trio of dyed-blond tall girls rapping in old skool call an' answer style.

Mike D: Not impressed.

I think the one in the middle has since dyed her hair black and moved to NYC because I'm pretty sure I've seen her out a few times. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller. Josh and Adam showed up towards the end of their set and after trying to crib a few free drinks, we headed over to...

...some bar that was sort of near my house (it's almost a year later and I totally can't remember the name...doh!). Here's Mike D. and Adam. (It's probably here that I should note that Adam is a dead ringer for Saul Hudson. Who you might better know as....SLASH from motherfucking Gn'R.)

Josh Neuman (not to be confused with the phoenetically similar Josh Newman aka - "Stupid Newman" who used to be my roommate waaay back in the day) surveying the dancefloor. I handed him my cam so he could document my moves and then headed off to the dance floor to...

...lay my smackdown of funk upon thee. (Ever seen a grown man perform "The Butterfly" dance move before?) Awwww, yeah. Laugh all you want but "doing tha Buttafly" (as I like to call it) never ceases to instantly cause...

...the ladies to flock.

Cold lamping for the cam.

Me and Michael Schickberger ice grilling for the cam. (I'm using his full name here because Mike's an elementary school teacher these days and I'm hoping that through the magic of Google his kids discover him here doing "unteacherly things." Like consorting with boys who do stuff like...

...THIS! Adam gets the "lean in" on a suh-weet visible asscrack. Holla!

The Classy "goodies" Dispenser in the men's room. (Check out how someone ammended the copy for the super studded condoms ad on the right from "Arouse Her!" to "Abuse Her!" Hahaahah.)

mike doyle — Mike D. knows.

"Well, hello there, Girl in the Blue Dress? Are you back to get FREAKED SOME MORE?!?"

Josh, Mike and Adam.

After a few more moves on the dance floor, we paused outside so Adam could pose down with his "Hair Twin" and then headed over to...

...EL FAROLITO for some...

...drunk Mexican food!

Apparently we weren't the only drunk people craving delicious, cheap-ass Mexican food at 2am.

Mmmmmmm.

Captioning this photo actually just caused me to drool on my shirt a little bit.

Josh and Adam listen to Mike verbally prepare them for the ghetto taste sensation they're about to experience.

Josh fisting a burrito only slightly-smaller than his head.

Mike opted for the lesser-known Mexican sandwhich.

Everyone managed to "clean their plates!" Yay! Let's hear it for alcohol!

Thursday, December 9th

On Thursday afternoon I made a trip to the Uhaul store and started the formidable task of...

...packing up all my shit (that I'd only unfinished packing...oh...about 5 weeks ago! Doh!).

I (apparently) ate a cheeseburger. (I'm not sure why I took this photo either, so don't ask me! I guess I thought it looked particularly tasty) and then headed over to...

...Adam and Josh's Heeb Magazine Storytelling event (the reason that they came out to SF in the first place).

Afterwards we headed over to some big club that was supposed to be having a "hot" party. Hot indeed. The big highlights of the night included:

Greg Brady's bizarro time-travel little brother. Wait, lemme back up a bit so you can...

...see the pants. Much better.

And this guy.

Leather pants? Check. Crazy Spiderman-patterned (!!!) silk button up shirt? Check. Bowl-cut hair cut with UNDERSHAVED SIDES AND A PONY TAIL IN THE BACK? Chiggity-check.

Check out homeboy up on one of the elevated dancecubes freaking his shit for the crowd (apparently his outfit and haircut weren't getting him all the attention he wanted). Dear Josh and Adam, thanks for coming to visit me. Sorry San Francisco's nightlife is...

Hahahaha.