i keep a diary

February 11, 2005

Baltic Vacation Part Nine: Final Leg of the Trip

Friday, February 11th

Friday morning we woke up, packed up our stuff and bid farewell to our free accommodations. Goodbye bunk beds!
Goodbye living room! We'll miss you most of all!
Then piled into a taxi and headed to the airport to catch a flight first to Berlin, and then back to Tallinn, Estonia. The three of us were going to spend one more night in Estonia together - then Jake and Grant would be heading to Finland for a night before heading home, and I'd be staying in Estonia one more night by myself before heading home.
Farewell to scenic Budapest! (I kid, I kid!).
We scarfed some horrible airport pizza....
...then boarded the plane. Easy Jet, baby! Easy Jet. (Plane ticket from Budapest to Berlin? $24 a piece!!).
airplane ˆ easy jet ˆ wing
We had a several hour layover to kill before our flight to Estonia...so we decided to head into Berlin and wander around for a bit.
We ended up eating at some scary kebab house diner that was full of drunk construction workers (at 1pm on a Friday!).
And bought our favorite German candy bar in Germany. Awww yeah, Ritter Schport Choklat bar mit CORNFLAKES!
Then later that night we headed back to the Schonefeld to catch our flight to Tallinn.
Back in Tallinn, we decided to stick with what worked out well last time and checked back into the Hotel Tallink. When you register, they ask you to write your first and last names down on a piece of paper and then when you get into the room, they broadcast a welcome message to everyone using the in-room TV. Jake went up to the room while Grant and I did the paperwork so we decided to send a loving ode to his weird, hangy, nutsack.
It worked! It worked! Too bad I was laughing too hard to get an actual picture of it.
Being cheap fuckers, we once again opted for a double room with a cot and decided to a two-tiered game of paper, scissors, rocks to see who'd have to sleep on the little boy cot. I won the first round (which exempted me from cot-dom). Which left Grant and Jake to duke it out.
In the second round, Jake immediately jumped ahead with a 4-1 lead, thing weren't looking too good for the Grizza (or his back).
A few short rounds later, it was over. Grant (cue tuba) was on the cot again.
When we checked in this time, the lady at the front desk gave us all coupons to go down to the bar and enjoy free glasses of some sort of hot, Estonian spiced wine. I believe the English name for the drink is PRUNO. (Jesus, lady at the desk! What the fuck did we ever do to piss you off?)
Later that night, Monika (from FHM) was kind enough to invite us three goobers over to her housewarming party to celebrate her swanky, brand new apartment! Check out the crazy stairwell in her new digs (which was clearly modeled after the set for MTV's hit dance show, The Grind).
Jannika whipping up some goodies on the stove, some guy and Monika in Monika's new kitchen.
Check out the bounty of Estonian delights!
The rest of the party in full-effect.
After getting our caviar on, we headed into town because Monika and company had gotten on the guest list of "the most exclusive club in Estonia." Where apparently we rubbed elbows with the pop start that's the "Estonian equivalent of Britney Spears." Ooh-la-la!
Grant: mackin.
Me caught on the dance floor doing the choo-choo shuffle.
This is the married English lady that Jake humped.
Here's a pic of them making out on the make-out balcony.

Saturday, February 12th

Here's a "proof I banged a girl" pic I stole from Jake's camera. Hahah. Ladies, just so you know, if you have a one night stand and the guy wakes up before you in the morning, this is what he does. Takes a picture of you to prove to his friends that an actual female actually slept over.

The best part of this story is that Jake brought this girl back to the hotel at like 4am (Grant and I were still out) but he couldn't take her to the room we were all sharing so he decided to get another room. The Estonian woman who was working at the desk totally disapproved of the situation so to passively voice her distaste, she put them in a room with double beds. Jake and the girl just pushed them together to simulate a big bed. In the morning when she woke up, she forgot about the two beds being pushed together and when she rolled towards Jake she fell between them. Hahahahahah. Jake was like "One minute she was smiling all coyly at me - and then the next thing I knew...WHOOSH!...she'd disappeared!" Hahahahaha.
After walking around the town again the next morning, we decided to grab some lunch and shoot the shit at Stereo.
Holy crap, right?
After we ate, Jake had to take a shit and we dared him to poop in one of the weird "stand up" toilets.
Hahaha. Here's the man about to go into action. He dropped trou and squatted, but in the end couldn't go through with it because he was too scared he was going to "shit all over himself." Hahaha. Pussy.
Later that evening, we headed back to the hotel so that Jake and Grant could pack up and catch their ferry back to Helsinki.
Our last goodbye in the lobby!
Bye guys see you in NYC in a few!

Back Grant & Jake's Accidental Adventure!

So like I mentioned earlier, Grant and Jake planned on catching the ferry to Helsinki, crashing there one night and then taking their fancy FinnAir business class flight (courtesy of Finlandia Vodka, remember, ?) back to NYC...but that's not what ended up happening! It all started when on the ferry ride over, Jake and Grant decided to participate in the karaoke party that was going on.
Touch it. Touch it.
These pics are all from Grant and Jake's cams. Grant sang "New York, New York" and apparently killed it so hard that all sorts of Finnish women were suddenly trolling for a polin'!
No, like for real.
PS - How much does Jake probably hate the fact that he's now like the budget version of Dane Cook? Hahahaha. The upside is that when people now ask him why he looks familiar, it gives him the perfect opportunity to bring up the fact that he was on Road Rules without it being awkward. Well, okay - less awkward.
So long story short - Grant used his passport to go through immigration at the ferry port in Finland, but a few hours later, realized it was missing. Making matters worse, Grant's visa that allows him to live in the US (he's a Brit, remember?) was pasted into the back of his passport. He called the British embassy and was told that if he wasn't able to locate it, he'd have to to the UK and wait there until his visa could be re-issued - a process that could take anywhere from two to six months! Needless to say, he was FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!
Luckily, our friend Sanna that we'd been put in touch with via a mutual friend in NYC was kind enough to put them up for a few days. (And Jake was a nice enough friend that he decided to nix his flight back and hang with Grant for moral support!).
Grant with Sanna again. She loves to be photographed.
Jake shows off the issue of Vice that all three of us had something published in (Jake and Grant both had articles, I had a photo).
Hahah.
Grant shows off a delicious tub of Fanny!
funny foreign products
Jake about to dig into a crispy bag of MiniPussi! Mmmmmm!
funny foreign products
Here's a pic of Jake's shiny thong. (No, seriously).
After four days of wondering if he was going to not be able to come back to the US, Grant's passport was turned into a police station and he was notified! Woooo!
Who's a good friend? (Er, who used to be a good friend?)
Sanna bidding the boys a fond farewell!
On the bus to the airport.
C Lamping in bidness class - homeward bound!
Crazy tastee food.
And fancy reclino chairs. Damn.
Home sweet home.

Back to the rest of Saturday, February 12th for me in Estonia...

After Grant and Jake had left, Monika and her friend picked me up and we decided to go to the movies!
We saw Shark Tale (subtitled in Estonian!). After the movie, we all headed over to...
...Robert and Laura's house for a home-cooked meal!
Then afterwards Monika took us to check out the huge ice sculptures in a park outside the walls of Old Town.
They were fucking huge!
And most of them had ice slides on them!
Which look more fun than they actually are (I think my ass is still bruised).
Then the girls showed off their gymnastic skills! Simultaneous handsprings!
Full roundhouse!
Hahaha. Funny squatty picture!
Hahaha.
More huge ice slides!
Giant crystal ball made out of ice.
Playing the "see who can get their tongue closest without getting stuck" game. Haha.
With my liver protesting nightlife of any kind, I spent the final night of my trip drinking tea and playing chess at Monika's.
Me deep in thought about how to best not get my ass handed to me.
How much does Monika look like she could be my sister?
Artsy chess photo!
Our games were very intense.
Hahah.
Aerial shot of the board shortly before my defeat.
Monika celebrating her win.
She took the series 2 games to 1. *sniffle*.

Sunday, February 13th

Sunday morning I woke up...
...had a sad little breakfast in the hotel...
...and then caught a taxi to the airport.
On the plane I read up on the Baltic region.
And tried to reinforce the few Estonian phrases I'd been taught...
Goodbye, Estonia!
Instead of Germany, this time I had several hour layover in Paris. Rather than sitting in the airport for five hours, I decided to take the train into town and see if I could get in touch with either Louise or Laure (the infamous "French Girls" that Grant and I had spend a summer wooing several years back).
In the end, I couldn't get a hold of either of the girls, so I just ended up wandering around Paris by myself for a few hours.
People who say the French hate Americans have no idea what they're talking about. If that were true, why would they be almost finished building a replica of the arches at the north side of Washington Square Park? It's just a matter of time before they copy something like the Statue of Liberty! I bet some Frenchy just wishes he could create something that awesome.
I believe it was Vince Neil who said "forget the names, remember romance." Ah, Paris - city of love.
The Eiffel Tower always looked so much bigger on TV! (And no one ever told me it was in a parking lot! How tacky!)
I walked all around the Champ Alize.
Check out the cherub on the right - he all looks like he's sliding across the stage on his knees while rocking the fuck out on the guitar.
Pretty.
Seeing all of the amazing French architecture started me thinking about all the delightful French cuisine you always hear about. I decided to investigate...
...aw, yeah Quick Burger. J'approuve !
fast food in foreign countries
Farewell, city of rip-off artists!!!
Six hours later, home, sweet subway. I took the A train to Canal Street...
...and then decided to cab it cross-town.
And 10 flights, 6 cities and 16 days later ended back right where I'd started. Standing on Meredith's stoop...I managed to make it into her apartment with 10 minutes to spare for the beginning of Valentine's Day. Wherever you go...there you are.