I parked my car, which only cost me $15 (In God We Trust, indeed)...and then the next thing I knew I was crossing the pavement and headed towards the entrance to the "living, biblical museum that promised to "take me 7,000 miles away and 2,000 years back in time to the land of the Bible." Where its "combination of sights, sounds, and tastes will stimulate my senses and blend together to create a spectacular new experience!" And how much does this spectacular new experience cost you may be wondering?
As much as I've made fun of this place, and as much as I don't believe in Jesus (or any omniscient, bearded-men in the sky for that matter), for the record I'd like to say that The Holy Land Experience actually was a pretty cool experience. They actually kept the whole "Jesus" thing pretty low-key and all the exhibits were pretty great depictions of what the city of Jerusalem was like back in the day. I don't know if it was thirty-five-dollars "worth it," but I will admit that I was pleasantly surprised.
The detail is pretty great, right? This photo almost looks like a real castle shot from a helicopter or something!
I spent another hour or so wandering around checking out the exhibits (all-the-while dodging overly-friendly Christians who were really intent on learning where I "worshipped" in NYC) before I decided I had to pack it up and head to the airport.
...I picked up a guide to the park and read up on some of the attractions. Turns out I was just in time to catch the a performance of the musical that was featured on the cover of the guide...
Hahahahahaha. (Any other Sopranos super-fans out there remember Janice's narcoleptic boyfried Aaron who used to proselytize by asking people whether or not they had "heard the news?" Or is it just me that's a huge dork?).
After wandering around the grounds for a while taking in the sights...
I watched the musical until I couldn't bear it any longer ("it" being the Florida heat, of course) and then retreated to the air conditioned Shofar Auditorium to check out the huge replica of what the city of Jerusalem looked like in 66 AD!
I sat down a skeptic, but after a few minutes I came to the realization that even Christian musicals about the bible are pretty dope if you throw in enough dagger-wielding soldiers from Imperial Rome.
Oh! I forgot to mention that in the brochure I picked up, the last page had a section called "Guest Conduct Policy" which included the following gem of a line: "For your safety, only Holy Land Experience employees are allowed to dress in costume." Little known fact: They were forced to add this disclaimer after...
"Centurion is the story of one Roman soldier's journey to save his servant from certain death. In his desperation he must turn to the Jewish Messiah for help. Presented on the steps of the Great Temple, Centurion is a powerful, dynamic musical with a message of salvation for all people."
Why only the bargain price of $35 (!!!) holy dollas! I paid my admission, managed to pass through the NON-BELIEVER ATHEIST detectors without setting off any alarms, and found myself in the heart of the world's largest (only?) Bible Theme Park!
