i keep a diary

March 26, 2002

The Matt Weiner Face Contest

Very few things in life are as funny as a Matt Weiner-made face. Matt and I have known each other since kindergarten. Our houses were back to back and our yards overlapped. I used to let him play with my space shuttle and he used to let me play in his treehouse. Our childhood friendship was abruptly truncated when after peeing in his clubhouse, he sought revenge by dropping a brick on my head (No seriously, I've still got a big-ass scar from it).

Anyway, Matt ended up going to college with me, and now he lives in NYC just like me! Vin, Josh, Liza and myself were all out one night remeniscing about how fucking funny Matt is and more-so, how fucking funny the faces he makes are. I swear, every time a camera comes out, Matt's got one ready. Here are some classics from the man himself, and then each of us giving our own interpretations of some of our beloved "Matt Weiner Faces."

matt weiner
Here's "Finger Up The Nose." A Matt classic (hailing all the way from '97, baby).
matt weiner
matt weiner
Here's a more contemporary look, "The Double-Chin Smile (With Thumbs Up)." Priceless.
thumbs up ˆ matt weiner
matt weiner
And let's not forget the infamous "Angry Chinaman with Flipped Eyelids." (Yo, straight up, I taught him how to do that standing on my driveway in like '81. Can you believe that shit?).
flipped eyelids ˆ ugly face ˆ matt weiner

Ok, now on with the competition<br><br><br>3rd Runner Up: Vinay

vin
Let's face it, this face straight up sucks. I don't even know if Vin knew that we were having a contest: it looks to me like he just got caught on film trying to stiffle a fart.
Score: 2 out of 10
ugly face ˆ vin

2nd Runner Up: Liza

liza
Now that's more like it! Liza brings a pretty good "Disappearing Chin" effect to the table that's very evocative of the Weiner, but she needs to work on making it a little more ugly.
Score: 7 out of 10
ugly face ˆ liza

Runner Up: Me

me
Yo, not to toot my own horn or anything, but you gotsta to admit: that's one ugly motherfucking face. Not only have I managed to make my chin completely disappear, I get style points for the gross way my neck has like eight rows of skin bunching up (Ew!).
Score: 8 out of 10
ugly face ˆ me

The Undisputed Champ: Josh

josh
Holy Sweet Mother of God. There's no caption that can be written that can make this picture any funnier. So I'm just going to shut up and give Josh the score he deserves.
Score: 11 out of 10
best ˆ ugly face ˆ josh