Ok. So check it: We're a few blocks from our resort and we suddenly notice a sign that wasn't lit-up earlier in the night. "Anyone object to seeing an, ummmm, Live Show?" I asked the car. No one seemed to mind, so I pulled into the parking lot. After seeing what the regular local girls' asses looked like, we couldn't wait to see the asses on the local stripper girls!
We rushed inside like giddy morons only to be confounded by an empty stage (complete with empty stripper-pole in the middle) next to a bar where a few older Greek man sat nursing drinks. We decided to sit down at the group of couches next to the stage and have a drink hoping things would pick up. No sooner had our bums touched the faux-leather of the overstuffed stripper-couches, did four girls simultaneously appear on our laps out of NOWHERE! Seriously. If you told me that they dropped from ropes out of secret trap doors inthe ceiling, I'd believe you. It was insane.
After giving us a moment to compose ourselves, the girls introduced themselves. Upon hearing their names, it became apparent that these weren't local girls. In fact, they all were from the former Soviet Union (at which point we started frantically looking around to make sure we weren't about to get Shanghaied by their ringleader, The Babyshaker!).
The girls suggested (more with gestural pantomiming than actual words) that we buy ourselves, and them, a round of drinks. We obliged and then watched the girls toss them down like sailors and ask (mime) for another. While Chris and I exchanged awkward glances, Fatty and Grants' "strippers" somehow managed to pry them away from the group and persuaded them to fork over more Euros for private dances at another cluster of couches a few yards away. Chris and I held our girls at bay and tried to make polite conversation (while at the same time trying to keep an eye on Grant and Fatty to make sure they didn't get their kidneys stolen). The two girls we were with literally didn't speak any English (or Greek for that matter). After learning their names and their respective countries, Chris took a stab at starting a conversation:
Chris to his Stripper: "Soooooo! You ever been to the States?" Chris' Stripper (excitedly): "Ah! You wanta the sex? €100 Euros!"
At which point we realized, "Hey! Wait a minute! This place isn't a stripclub!" We started giving Grant and Fatty (who at this point were both getting gouged another €20 each for their 2nd lapdances) the frantic "Let's get the fuck out of here!" nod to the door and got up to leave.
Live Show gets the thumbsdown! Here's us in the parking lot trying to assess the financial damage. Our four Russian "strippers" managed to fleece the four of us for a grand total of €120 in less than 20 minutes! And we still didn't manage to see any heines! We hopped in the car to drive the remaing 1/4 mile back to our resort, and in the moment of silence after we were finished laughing hysterically at what had just happened we all heard Grant say quietly to himself: "Hmmmmm. A hundred Euros, eh?" Hahahahaha.