i keep a diary

December 15, 2001

Every Party Has a Pooper

Five people in our office all have birthdays within the same week, so in order to honor the birthdays of Deb, Martin, Jock, Stephan and himself, Brian Chambers threw a big old shindig in his phatty Chinatown pad (and like usual, some funky-ass shit ended up going down).

Group shot of people that, for the most part, I can't name.
105 bowery ˆ crowd ˆ party
grant, joey, nina
Grant, Joey and Nina. Hmmm, I wonder why Grant looks so shocked? (In the literary world, that there is called foreshadowing!)
grant ˆ joey ˆ nina
april, sonya
Sonya and April.
april ˆ sonya
me, nina
Nina and me.
tongue ˆ me ˆ nina
mark bibbins
The lighting of the birthday cake and cupcakes.
cake ˆ mark bibbins
deb au-yeung, martin, stephan testa
Birthday Peoples Stephan, Martin and Deb Brian C. (Jock had already left the party before I even got there!)
birthday ˆ cupcake ˆ deb au-yeung ˆ martin ˆ stephan testa
brian c, victoria lau
Brian C. (Jock had already left the party before I even got there!)
105 bowery ˆ birthday ˆ cupcake ˆ brian c ˆ victoria lau
brian c, stephan testa, victoria lau
Group candle blow-out!
birthday ˆ cupcake ˆ brian c ˆ stephan testa ˆ victoria lau
grant
So I'm all talking to Grant and he's acting all ansty and itchy, but I'm just chalking it up to the fact that he's had 3 beers and that he's fucking wasted (this kid's a cheap date). Suddenly, unprompted, he confides in me (and at the same time unknowingly confides in the entire world wide net) that the reason that he's so antsy and itchy is because...
grant
...he shaved off all of his pubes! Uggghh! If you look carefully you can see his bald, little cock-stem peeking out of the top of his pants. It looks like a Goddamned turkey's neck!
shaved
So I go over to use the bathroom and there's this big, 15-person-deep, line of annoyed people waiting to use the bathroom. Possessing the patience of a 7 year-old on crack, I immediately went up front to see what in the sam hell the hold up was all about.
waiting in line
brian c
In the bathroom I found birthday boy Brian Chambers decked out in rubber gloves **cleaning up shit off of his bathroom floor!** Can you fucking believe it? Someone, an actual human person, pooped on the floor in the middle of a big, well-attended party. If you look in the dictionary you'll see that as soon as an act of bathroom floor poopery is committed, a party (pronounced PAR-tee) officially becomes a par-TAY! (If you or anyone that you know has information regarding the identity of the perpetrator of this heinous crime, please come forward and help us identify him or her.)
gross ˆ brian c
Later that night on my block out in Brooklyn I saw this. Hey, bitching Camaro.
bitchin camaro