i keep a diary

October 28, 2003

European Vacation Part 15: Relaxing.

So the early Tuesday morning Grant and I woke up (well, it was more like 10am, but after not getting to bed until 7am the previous night, 10am sure felt early), hopped in the car and drove into Rethymnon to go back to the Buddha Cafe and see if Tymber would be there.

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We got into town, parked the car and walked over to the closed club. Minutes later, true to her word, Tymber showed up right on time. We all headed back to the car, and decided, despite the threatening clouds, to head to the beach and take a swim. I dropped Tymber and Grant off at the beach across the street from our resort and went to park the car. By the time I made it back to the beach, it had began raining and I showed up just in time to catch...
beach ˆ crete ˆ grant ˆ tymber
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...Tymber and Grant running out of the water for shelter.
beach ˆ grant ˆ tymber
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The three of us headed back to our condo to try to convince the still-sleeping boys to head into town and getting some food. Check out the Fatty totally passed out from the previous night's exploits. Beeeeeg guy on a leeeeetle couch!
asleep ˆ couch ˆ fatty
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On our walk through the condo's courtyard, Fatty spotted this snail and asked me to take a "Look ladies! I love nature!" photo for his now-formidable Jdate photo arsenal. What Fatty didn't realize was that as he bent over to get in close to the snail, Grant had snuck up behind him and signaled to me to get ready to take a second photo...
snail ˆ fatty
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...of Grant giving Fatty one of the best "Wedgie Sneak Attacks" ever captured on film. AWESOME. Less awesome is the fact that I didn't manage to capture the clobbering swing he administered to Grant's leg as he painfully reacted to the friction of a yard's-worth of fabric being zipped through his ass crack.
best ˆ wedgie ˆ fatty ˆ grant
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We drove back into downtown Rethymnon, parked the car, and headed back over to...
fatty ˆ grant ˆ me ˆ tymber
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...Kostas Vallassos' restaurant for some lunch. If you look over in the background to the left of Fatty you'll see the man himself!
fatty ˆ kostas
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Here's where I'd like to point out that Tymber was a bit of a weirdo (just in case the bit where she "willingly made out with Grant" in the previous entry didn't tip you off). She talked a bunch about being a strict vegetarian, and then out of the blue decided that she was going to order fish for lunch. She then went on to explain that she probably would eat fish more often, but the fish in Crete was served with the heads left on and it "grossed her out." So when Kostas came over to take our order, with the help of Chris as a translator, she explained to him that she wanted fish if it was possible to have it served without the head. Chris relayed the request in his perfect Greek, and Kostas assured her it wouldn't be problem. Twenty minutes later, the fish came out sans head, just as Kostas had said. But unfortunately...
food ˆ grant ˆ tymber
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...Tymber had forgotten to request that he also remove the tail and fins. Check out her face as she stares at its crispy little arm waving helplessly in the air. Holy shit. We almost died. Chris played the good samaritan and filleted the fish for her while she averted her eyes.
fish ˆ food ˆ tymber
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Awww, who's better than Chris, huh?
chris a
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Then, Grant fell off his chair. (Hahah. I actually think he was kidding around and re-enacting something but I have no idea what it was).
chair ˆ fall ˆ grant
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As we sat finishing our lunch and drinking a few cups of coffee and relaxing, Grant walked Tymber back to our car so she could get her bag out of it and bid her farewell. We met back up, did a little bit of walking around the town...
crete
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...and then popped into some stores to buy some fun Cretan souvenirs for our families.
grant
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Then back near the car, we goofed off and took some pictures of us on the sea wall.
ocean ˆ fatty ˆ grant ˆ me
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"Yep, you're right Brian. You totally do need to cut off your silly, hippy hair."
camera ˆ fatty ˆ grant ˆ me
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If you look closely, you can just barely see Grant peeking out between me and Fatty.
point ˆ chris a ˆ fatty ˆ grant ˆ me
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We drove back to our resort and loafed around relaxing. Grant and I came back from reading outside on the porch to discover that our dear, dear friend the Fatty had made the fatal mistake of falling asleep with his headphones on. Uh-oh! We all know what that means!
asleep ˆ fatty
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While Grant manned my camera, I promptly gave my nuts a super-close tour of Fatty's face. After we were done laughing at the pictures, I made the mistake of bragging to Grant that it was going to be the funniest braining picture to ever be posted on this site. Not one to EVER shy from competition of ANY type, Grant insisted I get the video camera out and document his attempt to get his balls even closer to Fatty's (poor, sleeping, unsuspecting) face than I had. At first I didn't want to risk Grant trumping my achievement, but then I thought about how Fatty had helped scare Grant a few days prior (if you haven't seen the scaring Grant vidoe series, go there NOW) and realized that Grant deserved a chance to get Fatty back on tape (well that and the fact that there was a good chance that Fatty might wake up and break Grant's nuts off and if that happened, I wanted to make sure I managed to get THAT on tape).
brained ˆ fatty
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Here's Grant's first attempt. Not even close. And he was laughing so hard that we was afraid he was going to wake Dave up.
brained ˆ fatty ˆ grant
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After he got his laughter a bit under control, we went into the kitchen to get a chair to stand on...
brained ˆ fatty ˆ grant
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...which allowed him to lean in and totally win the "who can get their nuts closest to Fatty's face" contest. Holy shit. Bravo, Grant. Bravo.
best ˆ brained ˆ fatty ˆ grant
The pics above are sorta funny - but they do not, in ANY WAY, compare to the video. If you don't have Windows Media Player installed, this is the REASON to install it. For seriously.
brained ˆ video ˆ fatty ˆ grant
And for all those people who are feeling sorry for poor Fatty, here's the video of Fatty scaring the shit out of Grant a few hours later in the now infamous "Double Cross" video.
best ˆ scaring grant ˆ video
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After all the condo hijinx, we hopped into the car and drove to the northwestern town of Hania for some dinner. After parking the car, we walked over to the Venetian Harbor. Here's the eerily lit Djamassi mosque built by when the Turks after they invaded and toppled Venitian rule in 1645.
church ˆ crete
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Our appetitizers were comprised of the usual suspects: Greek salad, garlic bread, olives, beans and Amstels. Mmmmmm.
food ˆ fatty
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I think I mentioned this earlier, but in Crete cats are like squirrels. They run around everywhere and people just feed them. Halfway through our dinner, we had a couple of cute little kittens cozy up to us looking for some food and some lovin'.
cat ˆ me
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Here's the other lil' fellow.
cat
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Hahahaha. Check out Chris trying to feed him a potato bigger than his head.
cat ˆ chris a
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These were the tiniest, squintiest, little purring love bugs ever. They were so fucking cute they're lucky we didn't smooosh their goddamned heads.
cat
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Grant with our fave lil' guy.
cat ˆ grant
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Then he got passed over to the Fatty.
cat ˆ fatty
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Hahahahah. Look at his feet.
cat ˆ me
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Chris picking him up by his cute, lil' kitty head.
best ˆ cat
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Seasoned veterans at this point in the trip, we even managed to drink our raki without so much as a grimmace. Opa! Opa!
cheers ˆ raki ˆ shots ˆ chris a ˆ fatty ˆ grant ˆ me