i keep a diary

a thing in 71 photos

brained

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brained
My second favorite photo from tour! Haha. Scotty's face as he's doing the "casual lean-in" makes me laugh so hard every time I look at it.
on tour with all-american rejects
September 21, 2012
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Well, except for this one. Hahaha.
philippines part two: aileen & ryan's wedding in bohol
March 13, 2012
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...BRAINED! Hahaha. I think I've managed to brain Jen every year at this party.
the december roundup: part two
December, 2007
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...and realized I'd been PHOTO BRAINED by the Fatty! Epic!
the december roundup: part one
December, 2007
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But hey, at least my balls aren't peeking out of my waistband all tight-and-shiny. (Matt, after you're done braining someone, you have to remember to put your luggage away!)
the january roundup: part one
January, 2007
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On Saturday night, Matt and I went out again and Matt wanted to "brain" strangers. His jeans were too tight for him to pull his ball-sack out through his fly, so he got creative and just decided to pull up his sack so that it was peeking out of the top of his waistband! Hahahaha.
the january roundup: part one
January, 2007
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OMG, this photo makes me LOL on so many levels. I love how Grant's covering his mouth. That's because he knows that if he makes so much as a peep, I'll spring awake with the quickness and swat him right in the bean bag. I also love this photo because it looks like I'm dead and I can already envision my own funeral where my friends will be pulling this same exact bullshit next to my open-casket. (And Meredith will probably be the accomplice that takes the photo. Just like she did here!)
emma and rob's wedding
June 03, 2006
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...guess who decided to sneak over and brain me!
emma and rob's wedding
June 03, 2006
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I thought I was so funny for doing the whole "flex-down while ironing" thing until I looked at the photo later and realized the reason Meredith was laughing so hard was because Grant had managed to brain me in the background.
emma and rob's wedding
June 03, 2006
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..for the piece d'resistance braining! It looks like his nuts are almost touching Siege's hat! Nice!
the may roundup: part two
May, 2006
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...and Blackface Jesus got BRAINED for the second time of the night! Hahahahaha.
the april roundup: part one
April, 2006
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...Black Face Jesus needed to be BRAINED! Hahahahah. It's with great pleasure that I present to you this photo of me, a stranger from the internet, Black Face Jesus, and my balls.
the april roundup: part one
April, 2006
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"Houston...we have touchdown! I repeat: touchdown! We've made contact with THE BROWS!"
jack d's party & misshapes
January 21, 2006
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"Mission control, do you read? We're coming in for a landing. Contact in 5....4....3....2...."
jack d's party & misshapes
January 21, 2006
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And for vampires who attack nutsacks! Hahahaha.
the january roundup: part one
January, 2006
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BOO-YAH! Hahahaha. Holy mother of all brainings. I can't think of anything that would make this picture funnier.
random night at misshapes
October 15, 2005
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Oh, wait. Yes, I can.
random night at misshapes
October 15, 2005
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...how we do in the good ol' U S of A. Hahahahah. (Sorry, Mr. Roh!)
teaching english in korea: part five
August 20, 2005
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...NOT SO LUCKY! Hahaha. (PS - Dear Grant, How do you get your balls to be so shiny?)
the march roundup
March, 2005
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...well, you all know what it means. Wakey, wakey! Welcome to Misshapes!
the march roundup
March, 2005
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A very unattractive body part. Oh, and my nuts.
baltic vacation part one: grant & jake in finland and lapland.
January 26, 2005
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Amy made the mistake of saying "I'm like the only one of your friends that isn't on your website with your nutsack all in my face."
last month in nyc: the august roundup part two
August, 2004
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After a few beers, Karen made the mistake of turning to Dave and saying "You know, I think you're the only one of Brian's friends whose balls haven't been placed in uncomfortably close proximity to my face for a photo." (For any of you newcomers see here) and here
siren festival at coney island and misshapes
July 17, 2004
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Oh, and to put our nuts in Chef's passed out face.
frank picarazzi's bachelor party
July 08, 2004
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And here's the re-enactment of Karen's birthday complete with Susan playing a traumatized onlooker. Let's get a closer look at this pic, shall we?
a diamond dave 4th of july
July 04, 2004
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...his balls for a change! Hahahah. Here's the co-operative happy version.
a diamond dave 4th of july
July 04, 2004
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Oh my god. Sofa King funny. This pic actually gives the original a run for its money.
a diamond dave 4th of july
July 04, 2004
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And then, just because he was there, Grant decided he wanted a photo of James Iha and his nuts together. Oh, the indignities of post-celebrity. Sorry, James.
a diamond dave 4th of july
July 04, 2004
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FLYING BRAIN!
the july roundup: part one
July, 2004
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...his nutsack! Wooo! Let's hear it for the return of Wally Weirdnuts!
the july roundup: part one
July, 2004
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Here's my revision of the piece that Rolling Stone ran about Sparks. Check out the new headline. I think I just may have missed my true calling as a copywriter.
brunch and karens 23rd birthday party at misshapes
June 26, 2004
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Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus. The orange tongue says it all.
brunch and karens 23rd birthday party at misshapes
June 26, 2004
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When I realized that Greg was pretty much oblivious, I went in for a much more brazen brain (I think my nuts might actually be touching his ear here).
vice magazine after hours party
June 02, 2004
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Greg the Boyfriend was wiggity wasted out of his tiny mind and when he finally took a break from trying to grope all the girls, I popped out my nizzuts and went in for the brain. Here's my subtle first attempt.
vice magazine after hours party
June 02, 2004
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Yeah, I know you wanted a close up. How funny is Grant's face?
jamie kirkpatrick's bachelor party
May 20, 2004
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Bah-bah-brained!
jamie kirkpatrick's bachelor party
May 20, 2004
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I made the mistake of falling asleep and got royally brained by Grant (who gets extra points for braining me while also "showing stem." Steep.)
a lazy sunday in the park
May 16, 2004
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I tricked Grant into posing with the bag of marshmallows while Fatty snuck up behind and executed a flawless (and hairless!) braining. Hahahah.
the ss farley sails tonight
May 07, 2004
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Hoooo boy. Well, here's where things start to get out of hand. Out of the blue, Grant charged the stage and brained an unsuspecting Matt.
fatty quits and two karaoke nights
March 01, 2004
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...Bingo! ("Sure I'll help you move, Frank. It's going to you cost you a picture with my ballsack, though.")
moving day and siege's birthday
February 28, 2004
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...RETALIATION! The Fatty Strikes Back!
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
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Fatty took himself a little post-McDonalds nappity nap and opened his eyes just in time to see Grant taking a picture of him as lead star in the first braining of our California adventure.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
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We all know it's not really a party until my luggage gets taken out. Not wanting to disappoint the birthday crowd, it was high time for the kids to make an appearance. So while a bunch of people were outside smoking, I had Grant take my camera outside so he could capture me give Emma the special "Pressed Ham" braining. Noooice!
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
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Back at the condo after dinner, Fatty managed to get off a fairly decent braining while Grant took a nap. He was about to lean in closer, but Grant woke up (This kid's so high-strung a mouse fart'd wake him up).
european vacation part 17: the melidoni caves.
October 29, 2003
The pics above are sorta funny - but they do not, in ANY WAY, compare to the video. If you don't have Windows Media Player installed, this is the REASON to install it. For seriously.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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After he got his laughter a bit under control, we went into the kitchen to get a chair to stand on...
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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While Grant manned my camera, I promptly gave my nuts a super-close tour of Fatty's face. After we were done laughing at the pictures, I made the mistake of bragging to Grant that it was going to be the funniest braining picture to ever be posted on this site. Not one to EVER shy from competition of ANY type, Grant insisted I get the video camera out and document his attempt to get his balls even closer to Fatty's (poor, sleeping, unsuspecting) face than I had. At first I didn't want to risk Grant trumping my achievement, but then I thought about how Fatty had helped scare Grant a few days prior (if you haven't seen the scaring Grant vidoe series, go there NOW) and realized that Grant deserved a chance to get Fatty back on tape (well that and the fact that there was a good chance that Fatty might wake up and break Grant's nuts off and if that happened, I wanted to make sure I managed to get THAT on tape).
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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Here's Grant's first attempt. Not even close. And he was laughing so hard that we was afraid he was going to wake Dave up.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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...which allowed him to lean in and totally win the "who can get their nuts closest to Fatty's face" contest. Holy shit. Bravo, Grant. Bravo.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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After putting we put the groceries away, I laid down to take a quick nap before we headed out for the night and woke up just in time to thwart Grant's plans to seriously brain me. He was leaning in to get better sack-to-face proximity, saw that I was waking up and fired off this creepy pic in a panic as he realized I was just about to clobber him in the nuts. (And by the way, what's up with your balls dude? You may have almost brained me but at least my new nickname isn't "Wally Weirdnuts").
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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This was the best part, I was standing really close to him with my nuts out and all of sudden he woke up. He seemed started to find me standing so close to him and and was like "What's up?" So I said to him enthusiastically, "Nothing, dude! You're rocking the fuck out, that's what! Let's take a picture together!" He jumped up and with like "Ok!" So that's how I turned an "Almost Got My Ass Kicked" situtation into the greatest "You Don't Know You're Posing With My Balls But You Are" picture of all time.
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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Jamie and I were quick to follow. Mad props to Jamie - homeboy survived testicular cancer was brave enough (or drunk enough - probably a bit of both) to take out his one ball! (Stop looking! You can't tell).
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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Grant wasted no time moving in with his nuts.
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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Hahahaha. Grant wins for braining Matt (ps - what's with your lumpy nuts, dude? You should probably get that looked at.)
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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This is the undisputed winner of brain shots. Holy shit. The party was really loud and crowded and when Grant got a phone call he made the mistake of squatting down so he could hear better. I pulled out my nuts faster than a cobra attacking. Boo-yah! Mad props to Lorelei for snapping this pic. Hahahahahaha.
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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And then, well, shit you knew it was coming. Lucky for me the drawstring on his shorts is almost completely obscuring his bitsy ballsack.
central park, the candy shop and sarah d's party
September 06, 2003
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Also, try to keep in mind that it's like 95 degrees outside. As our office started heating up (no AC, remember?), I decided to lay down and take a nap and wait for the power to come back on. I must've fallen into a deep sleep, because Grant managed to brain me pretty good. He loses points for not having my face in the pic, tho. (Thank god).
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
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We got to the hotel and checked in. I laid down for a little nap, and while I was asleep Grant and Fatty conspired to take a picture of Grant's nuts right next to my face (but the reek of his musky sack) woke me up just in time to thwart his attempt! Hahahaha.
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
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boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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A few minutes later, we convinced them to take more pics ("Taking pics is fun, right?") and Grant got in on the action.

Okay, I think it's safe to say that we were all pretty liquored up. At some point during the next few hours, every guy on the trip managed to get their luggage out...which leads us to the very first ikeepadairy.com contest!
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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She was like "Why are you all laughing?" and started to walk away. I managed to convice her that we were just happy to meet such cute girls and Seth got his act together in time to snap this pic.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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After months of getting people to willingly pose with my balls, it was time to try something new: getting unsuspecting people to unknowingly pose with my balls. I discreetly whipped out my bag, and grabbed one of our new friends for a picture. I handed off the cam to Seth who totally shit the bed by not managing to get my balls in the pic. Doh! The rest of the guys in the pic (Check out Grant and Franks' faces) were laughing so hard that the girl in the black shirt was totally confused...
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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...put his huge nuts right next to John's face for this choice photo! Hahahaha.
the august roundup
August, 2003
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Yet another pic for the forthcoming MyBAllsAndYourFace.com website. Sweet.
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
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And Sarah ran into...my balls.
the june roundup
June, 2003
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So check it out, for a long time I've been planning on starting a new site: MyBallsAndYourFace.com. So in preperation, I've been trying to get, you guessed it, as many as people (preferably cute girls) to pose with my balls. When I get enough, I'll start the site. In the meantime, I'll post a few of the more choice cuts (like this one of some random cute girl getting "double-bagged") throughout the site. Joy!
the june roundup
June, 2003
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This is the best photo ever. It might take you a sec to realize what's going on here, but go ahead and give it a good look. We got back from the bar and found Glen and Zabrina asleep on the couch. Thinking back to last year we immediately knew what had to be done. We were struggling so hard to keep from laughing (note Grant covering his mouth), but right as the camera went off, a giggle escaped from Grant and Glen opened his eyes. Hahahaha.
memorial day out in nj
May 26, 2003
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This guy was out cold so I convinced Grant to up the ante and put his balls near the guys face...HAHAHAHA!
new jersey weekend
August 16, 2002
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No stranger to whipping out my own bag, I handed over the camera and teamed up with Grant for this amazing photo. (Look at our faces!!! nd bonus points to me for actually resting my nuts on the guys chair.)
new jersey weekend
August 16, 2002
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Me being drunk enough to actually straddle our CTO's face and...never mind. I guess this pic doesn't need a caption, huh?

ps - I think I'm still hung over.
pps - Brian C, I'm sorry.
geeks gone wild
August 07, 2002
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See, here's the thing about Sam: he takes out his junk more than anyone that you know. I swear to Christ, get two beers in the kid and either his dick or his balls or both come out.
visiting sammy
October 01, 1999