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a thing in 54 photos

photoshop

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photoshop
...and then drew lines into the future trying to guess when the next big price spike would happen and how high the price would go. The price of Bitcoin in December 2015 was $325 and I based on my stupid photoshop comps I predicted that Bitcoin would hit $3,000 by Dec 25th, 2016.

I showed this to a few of my quant-programmer friends who shrugged and told me told me I probably had no idea what I was doing. Hahah. Much to my own surprise, my prediction ended up being pretty close! The price didn't spike until June of 2017, so it took 18 months instead of 12, but the price did go up 8x to $2,800!
the december roundup
December, 2015
photoshop
I used photoshop to superimpose the previous price-history of Bitcoin over ITSELF...
the december roundup
December, 2015
photoshop
On Thursday, I decided to get my gamble on. After over two years of watching the price of Bitcoin, I had a hunch that it would continue to exhibit fractal growth-patterns (self-repeating at different scale).
the december roundup
December, 2015
photoshop
Spent Friday using Photoshop to compare previous wave-events in the price of Bitcoin. All my obsessions with fractals finally had some "real-world value" when I decided to make some fractal predictions about the possible future-price of Bitcoin. Back on this particular day, May 8th 2015, Bitcoin was trading at $240 USD. (A little over two years later in August 2017, it's at $4000 USD - almost a 20x increase!)
the may roundup
May, 2015
photoshop
Boo!
the april roundup
April, 2013
photoshop
Sith Lord needs a toothbrush that does a better job on the gum-line.
the april roundup
April, 2013
photoshop
After almost two years of consulting full-time as Flux Capacity, I finally had worked with enough clients to put together a decent-looking clients page. Photoshop drop-shadow, kapow!
the march roundup
March, 2013
photoshop
Leigh is the MASTER of photoshopped party invites! Here's her Martha-Stewart-cooking-an-Edie-turkey Thanksgiving Invite! Hahaha. They get better every year!
the november roundup
November, 2012
photoshop
...on the back-wall mural. Hahahah.
the september roundup
September, 2011
photoshop
Later that evening I spent more time working on my Pecha Kucha slides and digging up a bunch of funny older photos from this site.
the april roundup
April, 2011
photoshop
Serious Photoshop SKILLZ! Haha. So good!
the february roundup
February, 2011
photoshop
....old school Missy Elliot when she does stretch-face. Hahahahahaha. (Gurj, you even have the right earrings on!)
ugly face karaoke
December 01, 2005
photoshop
...this incredible photo op. Hahahah. How fucking scary is photo? Will looks 800 times more like Bad Sensei than I look like Johnny. His resemblance is uncanny! If there had been a lookalike "Daniel-san" in the bar that night, he totally would've shit his pants.
jonathan crowley's birthday and misshapes
March 12, 2005
photoshop
..."How is it that I never realized how much Larson looks like Marc Singer in his 1982 portrayal of Beastmaster?" Hahahaha.
the 2nd fiasco show and matt lesser's birthday
January 21, 2005
photoshop
Grant + Gemma = Comedy Gold!
fiasco's first show at the delancey
December 17, 2004
photoshop
Hahahahahahaha.
the november roundup
November, 2004
photoshop
...the Berlin-hipster version of Baron Von Kaiser from Mike Tyson's Punch Out. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
moving to san francisco going away party: part one
August 24, 2004
photoshop
Here's my revision of the piece that Rolling Stone ran about Sparks. Check out the new headline. I think I just may have missed my true calling as a copywriter.
brunch and karens 23rd birthday party at misshapes
June 26, 2004
photoshop
....THIS! Ten minutes of Photoshop magic later, I'd successfully hidden Sarah's identity with a strategically placed "extra can" of Sparks in Karen's hand. Hahahah. While impressed with my skizzills (I mean, you have to admit, it is pretty good), she told me she'd still prefer to run the other one.
brunch and karens 23rd birthday party at misshapes
June 26, 2004
photoshop
...I took the above picture of "Vince" from the show, zoomed in on his face and then used the "sharpen focus" tool and look what I discovered...
the june roundup
June, 2004
photoshop
I'm not sayin', I'm just saying.
the may roundup: part one
May, 2004
photoshop
I'm just sayin.
sxsw part two: more bands and visiting tara
March 20, 2004
photoshop
First "God is My Van's Co-Pilot," then this? I heart NY.
the march roundup
March, 2004
photoshop
Ahhh, gotcha. (I'm just teasing you, Jerz. You know I gots nothing but love for the Garden State).
moving day and siege's birthday
February 28, 2004
photoshop
...that the flash on my camera caused Jessie's shirt to become transparent (which long-time diary fans will know is not really a new phenomenon. Bonus points for the pierced nip action, digitally enhanced here for your viewing pleasure using the Boobatron-2000 Tittilicious Photoshop filter.
the january roundup
January, 2004
photoshop
Just when I was about to tell him he was crazy, I looked over at her and saw the resemblance myself (check it out. crazy, right?). I was like "Whoa! You're right, she IS hot!" (Which is also when I realized it would probably be best if Grant drove home).
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
photoshop
Check out the bouncer guy in the background, when he saw me getting ready to take a picture of Tookie he quickly jammed his hands in his pocket, leaned back against the wall and pulled one of the best, smoldering "sexy" faces I've ever seen. (Bonus points awarded for that butt-chin).
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
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...at this man's moustache. Check out Manoli's shit, yo.
european vacation part 16: scootering again.
October 29, 2003
photoshop
My goal for the night was to try to get this girl in the white to dance with me. (And then, after we were done dancing, to marry me). She was being carefully watched over by the guy you see on the left so I dispatched Chris to head over and use a little of his fluent Greek magick to try to see if he'd introduce me to her.
european vacation part 14: the buddha cafe.
October 27, 2003
photoshop
Don't worry, my love. *whisper* I'll wait for you! *whisper*
european vacation part 14: the buddha cafe.
October 27, 2003
photoshop
By the way, I'd like to take a real quick "time-out" to point out something that Grant noticed: That our friend Kostas Vallassos bears a stunning resemblance to Dr. Robotnik, the bad guy from the seminal, early 90's Sega Genesis videogame, Sonic the Hedgehog.
european vacation part 9: dinner with kostas vallassos.
October 25, 2003
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Here's Grant pretending to read a book while he gets his long-term leer on. Awwww, yeah. (Yo, check out my fancy new camera's PEEP-O-RAMA zoom. Sweet, right?)
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
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If you've ever played Frisbee with Grant, you'd know that he thinks he's Michael Jordan. Seriously. Instead of ever just taking a few steps back to catch the frisbee, he'll stay exactly where he is and try to jump and catch it. Since Grant is 68" tall, the letter "a" here represents approximately 36" (a little more half of his body). The letter "b" represents the approximate reach of Grant's arms outstreched. And the letter "c" represents the remaining 33" of pure vertical leap he'd require to catch the frisbee. Somebody get this kid a trampoline.
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
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After our quick half-time show, we decided to try our luck in one more bar. Upon returning from the bathroom upstairs, Fatty actually managed to capture with his camera the Force Field that was physically preventing all girls from seeing us (nevermind actually letting them get close enough to dance with us). Once he showed us this pic, we knew we'd better just call it a night.
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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Here's the side by side comparison: The real Ross Martin's on the left and the Ogrified Ross Martin is on the right. If you squint a little, you almost can't tell who's who! Hahahah.
european vacation part 6: sightseeing with the stoddards .
October 23, 2003
photoshop
GRANT! It was one thing for Lil' Buddy to miss out on Iceland, but a free, surprise concert of his favorite live band? That was just too much.
european vacation part 4: london & ac/dc
October 21, 2003
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Here are the "Healthy Brain Pills" that can only be procured in Chinatown in a store near my house. Now that Tara's getting up there in years, I decided it would be a crime to risk her not having a healthy brain.
tara's 21st birthday and goodbye party
September 30, 2003
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On Tuesday, I met up with Tara for birthday lunch at Cafe Liebowitz on Spring Street. Here she is using her actual ID to legally procure alcohol for the first time ever. Look at lil', mini, sixteen year-old Tara in the corner. Awwww, lil' baby's all growed up!
tara's 21st birthday and goodbye party
September 30, 2003
photoshop
So it was around this time that we noticed these two (aka - "The Greatest Couple in the World."). He was completely shit-hammered; to the point where his head was all bobbing around like we was on a fucking wagonride on a cobblestone street. And she (as if her matching aqua skirt-outfit wasn't enough) had the biggest belly button jewelry thing I've ever seen. I mean look at that thing - it's like the J-Lo engagement ring of bellybuttons. Anyway, she was really drunk and kept heckling people in between songs, yelling that it was her turn already....we'll get back to these guys later.
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
photoshop
...THE TRUTH ABOUT FRANK is revealed!
karaoke with seth
September 02, 2003
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...drawing me a unicorn. (I digitally enchanced the drawing to make it easier for you to read the unicorn's "How Gay am I?" speech bubble).
karaoke with brett
August 09, 2003
photoshop
...Michael Martin! Hahahah.
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
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Me eating the ice cream I got at 7 Eleven. Look at my fucking wonky eyes! This was the drunkest I'd been in years. Oooof.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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Object: Be the first person to correctly match all of the Playas above with the correct set of corresponding Ballz and you'll win a night out drinking with the crew. (Unless you're a dude. Then you win a date with Grant). Think you've got serious bag-matching skillz? Then email me your entry! (brianbattjer AT gmail).
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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As "last call" drew nearer, we bid the lovely ladies a fond farewell and hit the road to head over to some other bar where Seth and Frank knew the owner (If you look in the background behind my arm you can see Seth showing off the can of beer he snuck out of the bar by strategically hiding it in his asscrack. Sweet.)
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
photoshop
Our boring old subway ride back to Manhattan took a serious turn towards fun when we spotted this guy across from us with a toe ring and took turns with the camera seeing who could get the best picture of it with out him catching on. Grant won with this Toetastic pic!Saturday, August 30th
the august roundup
August, 2003
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...and immediately perked up when we saw the prize they were offering in one of those "leave your business card" drawings. Makes you think twice about ordering a "glazed" doughnut there, right? Ew.
fishing with pappi part 2
June 9, 2003
photoshop
The Arlene's Grocery Neon Sign is a sight to behold. It even causes nipples to stand on end. (Digitally enlarged 6x for your viewing enjoyment). Yo, we saw this byrdz nippz before Colin and he went on three dates with her. Boo Yah!
heavy metal karaoke at arlenes grocery
December 30, 2002
photoshop
Yeah, I know. I fit right in. The only thing I can say in my defense is that this photo was taken way out of context. I wasn't making a Backstreet Boy Face on purpose! In fact, if you look at the original photo from which this headshot was taken you'll see that my expression is actually a....
my big secret
December 10, 2001
photoshop
I knew the competition to earn a slot dancing for the night would be fierce, so I quickly busted out my Photoshop skillz and whipped up two tasty fliers advertising our masculinity that I knew would tantalize those Cake minxes. Here's the first image I sent along...
we did it for science male strippers
November 07, 2001
photoshop
...and when that didn't get an immediate response, I upped the ante with "beefcake" version (check out Grant's sassy, coy lil' smile! Tee-hee!) ...and SHA-POW! It worked. Grant and I got the green light: we were going to become male strippers.
we did it for science male strippers
November 07, 2001
photoshop
We decided that if we didn't have an embarrassing picture of Frency, we'd invent one. So we decided to make Geoff NAMBLA'S Member of the Year. For those of you not "in the know," NAMBLA is the North American Man/Boy Love Association. (No, I'm not kidding.)
nambla loves frenchy g
March 12, 1999
photoshop
Lino showing off his "solid gold" dance moves! Check out the bling-finger action!
modem media ipo party
October, 1998
photoshop
Here's the mock-up of my Compaq print-ad campaign that I showed to them during a presentation. Hahaha.
hibachi with compaq
September, 1998