i keep a diary

a thing in 27 photos in 2003

brained

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...RETALIATION! The Fatty Strikes Back!
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
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Fatty took himself a little post-McDonalds nappity nap and opened his eyes just in time to see Grant taking a picture of him as lead star in the first braining of our California adventure.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
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We all know it's not really a party until my luggage gets taken out. Not wanting to disappoint the birthday crowd, it was high time for the kids to make an appearance. So while a bunch of people were outside smoking, I had Grant take my camera outside so he could capture me give Emma the special "Pressed Ham" braining. Noooice!
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
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Back at the condo after dinner, Fatty managed to get off a fairly decent braining while Grant took a nap. He was about to lean in closer, but Grant woke up (This kid's so high-strung a mouse fart'd wake him up).
european vacation part 17: the melidoni caves.
October 29, 2003
The pics above are sorta funny - but they do not, in ANY WAY, compare to the video. If you don't have Windows Media Player installed, this is the REASON to install it. For seriously.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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After he got his laughter a bit under control, we went into the kitchen to get a chair to stand on...
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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While Grant manned my camera, I promptly gave my nuts a super-close tour of Fatty's face. After we were done laughing at the pictures, I made the mistake of bragging to Grant that it was going to be the funniest braining picture to ever be posted on this site. Not one to EVER shy from competition of ANY type, Grant insisted I get the video camera out and document his attempt to get his balls even closer to Fatty's (poor, sleeping, unsuspecting) face than I had. At first I didn't want to risk Grant trumping my achievement, but then I thought about how Fatty had helped scare Grant a few days prior (if you haven't seen the scaring Grant vidoe series, go there NOW) and realized that Grant deserved a chance to get Fatty back on tape (well that and the fact that there was a good chance that Fatty might wake up and break Grant's nuts off and if that happened, I wanted to make sure I managed to get THAT on tape).
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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Here's Grant's first attempt. Not even close. And he was laughing so hard that we was afraid he was going to wake Dave up.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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...which allowed him to lean in and totally win the "who can get their nuts closest to Fatty's face" contest. Holy shit. Bravo, Grant. Bravo.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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After putting we put the groceries away, I laid down to take a quick nap before we headed out for the night and woke up just in time to thwart Grant's plans to seriously brain me. He was leaning in to get better sack-to-face proximity, saw that I was waking up and fired off this creepy pic in a panic as he realized I was just about to clobber him in the nuts. (And by the way, what's up with your balls dude? You may have almost brained me but at least my new nickname isn't "Wally Weirdnuts").
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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This was the best part, I was standing really close to him with my nuts out and all of sudden he woke up. He seemed started to find me standing so close to him and and was like "What's up?" So I said to him enthusiastically, "Nothing, dude! You're rocking the fuck out, that's what! Let's take a picture together!" He jumped up and with like "Ok!" So that's how I turned an "Almost Got My Ass Kicked" situtation into the greatest "You Don't Know You're Posing With My Balls But You Are" picture of all time.
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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Jamie and I were quick to follow. Mad props to Jamie - homeboy survived testicular cancer was brave enough (or drunk enough - probably a bit of both) to take out his one ball! (Stop looking! You can't tell).
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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Grant wasted no time moving in with his nuts.
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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Hahahaha. Grant wins for braining Matt (ps - what's with your lumpy nuts, dude? You should probably get that looked at.)
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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This is the undisputed winner of brain shots. Holy shit. The party was really loud and crowded and when Grant got a phone call he made the mistake of squatting down so he could hear better. I pulled out my nuts faster than a cobra attacking. Boo-yah! Mad props to Lorelei for snapping this pic. Hahahahahaha.
karaoke blowout
September 21, 2003
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And then, well, shit you knew it was coming. Lucky for me the drawstring on his shorts is almost completely obscuring his bitsy ballsack.
central park, the candy shop and sarah d's party
September 06, 2003
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Also, try to keep in mind that it's like 95 degrees outside. As our office started heating up (no AC, remember?), I decided to lay down and take a nap and wait for the power to come back on. I must've fallen into a deep sleep, because Grant managed to brain me pretty good. He loses points for not having my face in the pic, tho. (Thank god).
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
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We got to the hotel and checked in. I laid down for a little nap, and while I was asleep Grant and Fatty conspired to take a picture of Grant's nuts right next to my face (but the reek of his musky sack) woke me up just in time to thwart his attempt! Hahahaha.
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
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boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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A few minutes later, we convinced them to take more pics ("Taking pics is fun, right?") and Grant got in on the action.

Okay, I think it's safe to say that we were all pretty liquored up. At some point during the next few hours, every guy on the trip managed to get their luggage out...which leads us to the very first ikeepadairy.com contest!
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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She was like "Why are you all laughing?" and started to walk away. I managed to convice her that we were just happy to meet such cute girls and Seth got his act together in time to snap this pic.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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After months of getting people to willingly pose with my balls, it was time to try something new: getting unsuspecting people to unknowingly pose with my balls. I discreetly whipped out my bag, and grabbed one of our new friends for a picture. I handed off the cam to Seth who totally shit the bed by not managing to get my balls in the pic. Doh! The rest of the guys in the pic (Check out Grant and Franks' faces) were laughing so hard that the girl in the black shirt was totally confused...
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
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...put his huge nuts right next to John's face for this choice photo! Hahahaha.
the august roundup
August, 2003
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Yet another pic for the forthcoming MyBAllsAndYourFace.com website. Sweet.
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
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And Sarah ran into...my balls.
the june roundup
June, 2003
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So check it out, for a long time I've been planning on starting a new site: MyBallsAndYourFace.com. So in preperation, I've been trying to get, you guessed it, as many as people (preferably cute girls) to pose with my balls. When I get enough, I'll start the site. In the meantime, I'll post a few of the more choice cuts (like this one of some random cute girl getting "double-bagged") throughout the site. Joy!
the june roundup
June, 2003
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This is the best photo ever. It might take you a sec to realize what's going on here, but go ahead and give it a good look. We got back from the bar and found Glen and Zabrina asleep on the couch. Thinking back to last year we immediately knew what had to be done. We were struggling so hard to keep from laughing (note Grant covering his mouth), but right as the camera went off, a giggle escaped from Grant and Glen opened his eyes. Hahahaha.
memorial day out in nj
May 26, 2003