diary tags today about

a person in 64 photos

jake b

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appears with…

grant18
!strangers6
!best4
!flying4
!fur hat4
!doppleganger3
me3
!wrestle3
!airplane2
amanda2
!bite2
!brained2
eric g2
!fight2
!gay2
meredith2
!mirror2
siege2
!wtf2
!105 bowery1

jake b — Then he tried to sell us Buckyballs.

jake b — After we'd gotten all settled in, this guy came out to explain that we had been seated in different colored sections, and each section had a knight that we were supposed to cheer for.

jake b — Last song.

jake b — Here's Siege, me and Jake Brownstain giving Grant accolades.

jake b — Hahaha. I love this photo! Here's Amanda, Siege, Grant, Mike, Brownstain and Eric George all throwing down B-boy (and B-Girl!) style.

jake b — ...NOT SO LUCKY! Hahaha. (PS - Dear Grant, How do you get your balls to be so shiny?)

jake b — Jake however....

jake b — Jake wearing his other pair of glasses while holding up one half of his destroyed frames that he retreived from the street.

jake b — Before any of the assfucking could get underway, some crazy girl (who was spotted smoking crack earlier in the night) started causing all sorts of problems and tried to get into a fistfight with a fat, gay dude. Jake tried to get her to calm down and she FREAKED THE FUCK OUT ON HIM. Literally, she went out of her mind. After three or four scary minutes, Jake finally managed to get her and her friends to leave the party. But as he was closing the door on them downstairs, she snatched his glasses off his face and ran out into the street. Jake followed her and when he tried to grab his glasses back from her, she bit his hand, grabbed the glasses back, broke them in half, threw them into the street and then ran away laughing.

jake b — And check out the purple fucking bite mark! Jesus!

jake b — On Friday night we met up with Brandon who was in town from Budapest and went to his friend's party on the LES (Brandon, you may remember, was the internet stranger who went out of his was to be our gracious host when Grant, Jake and I were in Berlin and Budapest a few weeks prior.)

jake b — The dude in the green shirt was one of the "actors" in the movie (if you knowwhatimsayin). He spent his pre-scene time getting completely drunk and telling anyone that would listen that he wasn't gay and was just in porno for "the money." (...shots, probably).

jake b — (Sorry about the new guy, Vic).

jake b — ...a little romantic.

jake b — ...a Finn Air flight attendant spilt an entire drink in Jake's lap.

jake b — We spent our last day Lapland on a Reindeer farm.

jake b — This is Jordan (another writer) and I on one of the breaks we took, enroute to ice fishing.

jake b — A very unattractive body part. Oh, and my nuts.

jake b — Huddling for warmth.

jake b — Jake's husky impersonation.

jake b — This was a magic fridge. Anytime we took booze or food from any of the fridges, it would be magically replaced within the hour.

jake b — We then hopped on a plane and flew north, WAY north,to Lapland: the part of Finland that's in the Arctic Circle. As we stepped off the plane, I realized what cold really is. At this point it was -51 degrees CENTIGRADE! (That's -60 degress Fahrenheit.) BRRR.

jake b — Finishing the factory tour and getting ready for the tasting.

jake b — Factory floor.

jake b — Jake and I both guessed that Finlandia was both more tasty and nutritious than any other vodka on the market and became official Masters of Vodka.

jake b — "WHAT A COUNTRY!"

jake b — Jake: "No! I said I want to jump into an ICE hole while I'm here."

jake b — Jake putting the GRRRRR in Grundle-fuzz.

jake b — Turns out the Devil doesn't ALWAYS wear Prada.

jake b — Dinner that night was with a ton of people from Finlandia Vodka. Jake and brand ambassador, Marku.

jake b — Though he'll look more at home in business class on the way home.

jake b — This was a really silly idea.

jake b — Jake, insisiting only on a trim, called reception for fiskars at 3.20am and didn't tip the bell hop. Awesome!

jake b — Yet strangely alluring.

jake b — Jake looking grizzly.

jake b — Looking at the pictures made us realize it was time for...

jake b — ha ha ha ha...

jake b — Hour 35 without sleep. The other writers went back to the hotel while we hit a bar that the kids hang out at.

The guy begind us is Gus. He was editor from Hombre magazine. Yeah, we thought it was a porno mag to but we were wrong. That's Honcho. Hombre is a Latin lifestyle mag. Gus kept wanting to tell us about "something that changed his life". Turns out it was Landmark Forum. Boo.

jake b — Here's Jake taking the first of over 90 similar self portraits.

jake b — Tired but happy.

jake b — Jake tempted fate.

jake b — Get crunk and then...

jake b — Here's Jake on a road with some slush on it.

jake b — Too psyched to nap away the jet-lag we went out and about in downtown Helsinki.

jake b — Here's Jake ready to ensure the security of his member.

jake b — The long and arduous journey on the A train to JFK was made bearable by Jake's hair impersonations. Here's his Graydon Carter.

jake b — ...he tossed me off under the covers. (They also give you packs of mayo that make for sweet under the blanket handjob action). Jake kept telling me that the trip wasn't exactly free.

jake b — I swore at Jake and then...

jake b — Some pre-dinner beerskis...

jake b — In business they give you menus, wine lists, and silverware you could totally hijack a plane with.

jake b — Here's magic man Jake Bronstein, luxuriating in his business class seat with a glass of bubbly. For a laugh, Brian and I told him that Finns hate Jews so for the duration of the trip he was going as Jack Brownstone. Incidentally, the flight attendant was understandably cynical about our first class credentials. As I was snapping this pic he dove onto my chair to check if we were legit. Jake busted him looking, he got all scared and said he was "getting my sweatshirt so that he could hang it in the captain's locker".

jake b — Jake, Mer and Jess' mouth.

jake b — Jake and Eric discuss the merits of different types of hot-curlers.

jake b — ...headed out for a drink where we ran into Jake on a date with his new lady friend Erin.

jake b — We stepped into a bar and promptly ran into his recent ex-gf Jesse. Ah-ah-awkward!

jake b — Sketchy Russian Girl came over to get a better view and somehow her top got pulled down in the commotion (exposing her nips!). Needless to say, Jake quickly realized that he wasn't going to be able to forcibly make Grant hook up with him and he and the Russian girl (or maybe she was Czech?) left. (They actually left to go back to Jake's place - my old place on Bowery - where she would make Jake shave off ALL of his body hair with a razor before she'd sleep with him. Oh, and while they were fucking, she wanted to be burned with cigarettes. Hahahahah).

jake b — This was a full-on tussle. I would've jumped in and helped Grant out, but to be honest, I was too entertained by the fact that if Grant lost this particular "wrestling match," he'd have to make out with Jake.

jake b — Check out Grant using the crook of his elbow to guard his lips against Jake's gay-invasion.

jake b — ...Jake's wrestled Grant down to the floor and is trying to French him. (Holy Moly, I can't even remember the last time I used "French" as a verb).

jake b — Later that night I got a strange call from Grant urging me to hurry up and come over to his apartment to "rescue him." I got there to find Jake lounging on Grant's couch with some crazy Russian chick who was claiming to be a "ranked poker player in the world" (whatever that means). Jake had brought her over there to try to get her to have a threesome with he and Grant - but Grant was so weirded out by her, that he didn't even want in.

So while Grant was out of the room (probably calling everyone he knew to come over so he'd have an excuse to leave) Jake and this girl started playing poker. If Jake won, she'd have to do "a spitroast" with Jake and Grant. If she won, Jake promised her that he'd "make out with Grant." (Jake promised this without consulting Grant). So right when I arrived, this girl had just finished beating Jake at poker and the girl looks over at Grant and tells Jake "Well, c'mon! Do it!" Grant's like "Do what?" Jake just said "Sorry, dude," and the next thing you know...

jake b — Who I'm sure many of you will recognize as THE huge breakout star of Road Rules Season 4 from back in 1997.

jake b — "No, you listen to me, Kurt Loder! I was the star of that show! You hear me? The STAR! I don't care if you don't want me back on for the next season because without me, you got nothing. NOTHING!"

jake b — ...Grant, and I Keep A Diary new-comer, Jake Bronstein.

jake b — Jake (the guy getting ready to move into my apartment) came over to try and bond with Herman.

a photo diary · online since december 1996