At one point in the night, Grant and I gave dirty lap dances to Em & Lo up on stage in front of everyone. (Check out Emma trying to escape my grasp! Hahahaha).
Grant, author Jack Murnighan, and some Medieval-type guy who almost jizzed his pants when he learned that Jack had a PhD in Medievel literature. He kept trying to talk to Jack about various Medieval festivals he'd attended. It was great. What you can't see in this picture is that the Medieval guy is wearing a Crash Test Dummies concert-tee. Boo-Yah!
With headband on, Grant gives his "rig" one final adjustment and he's ready to rock. Actually, at this time we were considering engaging in an age old male-stripper practice known as "tying-off." This is where one rubs his member until he's got some "bloodflow downstairs" (also commonly known as a "chubby"). Once chub status has been achieved, one takes a silk scarf or a piece of rope and ties it around the base of the penis, restricting blood flow and keeping the penis engorged.
Basically, doing this makes you look like you have a huge weiner and makes the girls give you more money because they're all too busy fantasizing about your enormous wang to think clearly. But just as we were preparing to "tie off," one of our fellow not-so-novice dancers, told us to be careful. When we asked why, he told us "Dude, if you tie off for more than 20 minutes you run the risk of....(dramatic pause) a rupture." Needless to say, we decided that it would be better for girls to think we had small penises than tie-off and risk having no penises.
Before heading over to Joe's Pub to be briefed on our stripping mission, Grant and I downed several drinks and consulted sex-advice experts Em and Lo about the kind of moves we would need to be busting to truly insight female frenzy. (By the way, Grant's wearing that fake moustache because he felt like he'd be inhibited if he didn't have "something to hide behind.")
When there's free booze to be found at a party, you'll also usally find a drunk Josh Tiexiera grabbing men's packages. This kid should just straight up come out of the closet already...
