....PANTYBANDIT! Awwww yeah, lemme hear ya! Check out Scott laughing because he total caught the PantyBandit in action. (PS - I'd be lying if I didn't mention that this photo kind of gives me a boner.)
Okay, see the kid in the wife beater and silky track suit pants? So he was totally rocking out to the show and Amanda nudged us and was like "Yo, that kid's totally popping a metal boner." We looked over at him, nodded in agreement, and then turned our attention back to the show.
That's when Amanda nudged us again, this time directing our gaze with a finger pointed at his crotch and said "No, look...he's really got a boner!" We had assumed Amanda was talking about a "figurative metal boner" (which we all had) but this was a "literal, honest-to-goodness, metal-boner." So let that be a warning to you, if you plan on seeing the metal-wizardry that is SPEL, make sure to wear loose-fitting clothes from the waist down.
After getting Brian settled in, Mark had to pick up this life-sized painting a friend did of Mark with a giant boner. She says it's called "Virile Poet." I get chills just looking at it. (Actual boner digitally enlarged 2.8x for your enjoyment).
So we're back in the dressing room after the night is over and we're changing and getting ready to leave and all of a sudden Grant disapears into the bathroom (leaving me to fend for myself with the girl who followed us back into the dressing room wondering if she could "get a ride home" from us).
Anyway, Grant's taking forever in the bathroom, so finally I knock and he's like "I can't come out." When pressed, he explained that he had a giant boner that wouldn't go away and he wasn't coming out until it either went away or until I fetched his pants so that he wouldn't have to walk around the club and risk poking some poor girl's eye out.
With headband on, Grant gives his "rig" one final adjustment and he's ready to rock. Actually, at this time we were considering engaging in an age old male-stripper practice known as "tying-off." This is where one rubs his member until he's got some "bloodflow downstairs" (also commonly known as a "chubby"). Once chub status has been achieved, one takes a silk scarf or a piece of rope and ties it around the base of the penis, restricting blood flow and keeping the penis engorged.
Basically, doing this makes you look like you have a huge weiner and makes the girls give you more money because they're all too busy fantasizing about your enormous wang to think clearly. But just as we were preparing to "tie off," one of our fellow not-so-novice dancers, told us to be careful. When we asked why, he told us "Dude, if you tie off for more than 20 minutes you run the risk of....(dramatic pause) a rupture." Needless to say, we decided that it would be better for girls to think we had small penises than tie-off and risk having no penises.
