July 24, 2004

Leigh's Birthday Parties

Look whose little birthday it is! That's right, Little Miss Leigh Lezark decided to go ahead an be born (age not disclosed) and so we all went to Misshapes to give her a super celebration! Don't expect much of a narrative, but do expect lots of pictures of people sticking their tongues out, licking each other, grabbing each other and stuff like that. (Special thanks to Grant for giving me all of the photos he took from this night as well!)

Saturday, July 24th

leigh — A week earlier Leigh had asked me if I'd be one of the DJs at her party. I was like "Uh, I don't know how to DJ, remember?" She was all "You don't have to beat-match and shit. Just bring a bunch of songs that you think will get people dancing. I'll take you over early and show you how to use the decks. It'll take twenty minutes." True to her word, she picked me up in a cab a few hours before her party was set to start, took me over to Luke and Leroy's (Here's the bday girl pulling a face)...

leigh, me — ...and showed me how to be a DJ!

Er, ok. Showed me how to cue up CDs! Woo!

grant, me — After I mastered being a DJ, I headed back over to my apartment to meet up with Grant. And do a little pre-party warm up drinking. Full Story: Remember how we went to Iceland? Well, we ended up buying a bunch of bottles of this stuff called Brennivan - which means "Black Death" in Icelandic. Anyway, only after we'd bought a bunch of bottles of it did we learn that it tastes like it's made out of Band-Aids and pine needles. Not wanting to throw it away, I decided that anytime someone's over my house and we're going on, everyone present has to do a jigger of Brennivan before leaving. So here's Grant and I about to take our obligatory medicine. *sputter*

leigh — Afterwards, we headed over to Misshapes and gave the birthday girl some flowers (I even picked ones that would match her dress. Awwww).

grant, leigh — Grant pointing out a NY Post press clipping about the party. Hahah.

audrey, me — Afterwards, I headed upstairs to the DJ booth. Me and Audrey (who was DJing before me).

grant, leigh, susan — After Audrey was done, Grant and Susan were shocked to see...

....awwww, sit. It's DJ HasNoTalent in tha house!

grant, me — Say, wha? Hahah.

What I lacked in technical proficiency, I made up for in balls to tha walls rock the fuck out tracks. Off the top of my head, a few of my choice jizzams of the night were:

Judy is a Punk - Screeching Weasel
I Don't Want to Grow Up - Descendents
Mustapha Dance - The Clash
Gimme Some More - Busta Rhymes
99 Red Balloon - 7 Seconds
Ready Steady Go - Generation X
Ever Fallen in Love - Buzzcocks
Dancing Machine - Jackson 5
Gloria - Laura Brannigan (of course!)
Dance Hall Music - Murder City Devils
Bombshell - Op Ivy
Mona Lisa - Slick Rick
Miss You - Rolling Stones
Rat Fink - Misfits
Maneater - Hall & Oates

and my personal fave...
Jump in the Line - Motherfucking Harry Belafonte

leigh, me — Oh yeah, and based on this picture I guess I also played "Hot For Teacher" by VH. (I only know that because it's the only song with a pick-slide hot enough to merit a physcial reenactment).

susan — Susan getting all crazy to some vintage VH.

leigh, susan — A little Eddie dropped at just the right time can still whip them ladies into a frenzy.

leigh, scott m, susan — Tins and Susan.

greg k, me — Greg K coming into the DJ booth to give me the shepard's crook and get me the fuck off the decks after my "Harry Belafonte Stunt."

At some point in the night, somebody found this creepy haircutting practice-head and put it on the booth monitor. We named her Lila and she ended up making the rounds.

grant — Grant and Lila.

leigh — Lila about to score some birthday-girl action.

Kim Davis stepping it up a notch...

grant — And Grant securing some "sweet oral." (PS - How sweet is Lila's undershave in the back? Now that I've posted this, I bet all the kids at Misshapes will be sporting this haircut in two weeks.)

carol, marjorie — Marjorie and Carol.

sarah — Sarah was pretending to lick my stomach...but more importantly, how much does my wrist in the background look like a flacid, veiny dong?

grant, sarah h — Grant and Sarah Harrison.

me, susan — Susan and me.

hue, sarah, tiffany — Hwe, Tiffany and Sarah D.

audrey, greg k — Audrey and Greg K.

Me and the guy from Whatisee.org! I told you this pic would get posted...one day!

meredith — Meredith showing off her pizzanties.

grant — And then Grant showing them off for her. Hahaha.

sarah — Sarah and uh, a guy who was in town from LA who's in some band.

grant, susan — Grant the PantyBandit strikes again.

grant, susan — And then goes in for a smooch taboot. (Check out the sneaky nay-sayer slipping in the subtle "fuck you" down at the bottom. Hahah).

gina bonjersey, me, susan — Susan and me with SmellsGood Gina.

I found Sarah and the birthday girl hiding from the party in the back office.

leigh, thomas o — Thomas (Doorman of the Year! Wooo!) taking a break from all the suckas still waiting in line outside.

grant — Grant and Kim Davis.

carol — Carol's creepy tongue.

hue, tiffany — Hwe and Tiff.

grant, me, sarah d, tiffany — Sarah D, Grant, me and Tiff.

ellen s, grant — Ellen Stagg and Grant.

me, scott m — Me and Scott Merriam (both showing off our ginormous pupils...wtf?)

ellen s, me — Me and Ellen (nibbling at her ginormous...well, you know).

meredith, sarah h — Ding dong! Nipple doorbell!

me, susan — While I was taking pics with Susan and Ellen, someone was lurking in the area. And that someone was the...

grant, scott m — ....PANTYBANDIT! Awwww yeah, lemme hear ya! Check out Scott laughing because he total caught the PantyBandit in action. (PS - I'd be lying if I didn't mention that this photo kind of gives me a boner.)

Grant managed to sneak this pic of me trying to sneak my head up Ellen's skirt. Thanks for the lighter, holmie. Mood lighting's always a welcome touch.

scott m, susan — Susan and Scott giving Jason a (long overdue) ear cleaning.

me, meredith — Me, boobie peeking.

PantyBandit strikes again! This time revealing Meredith's keyster in all of it's super-badonkadonk porno glory.

grant, meredith, sarah — Meredith and Sarah dishing some double-nipple love.

This guy can't believe it!

grant, me — Grant repaying half of his nipple-licking karmic-debt.

meredith, sarah h — Hahahaah. Meredith weighing in with what is hands-down the UGLIEST "get a load of this guy" face ever! Ew!

leigh, sarah h — 4am back office: The Birthday Girl's got a few in her, but she's certainly not too drunk to...

leigh, sarah h — ...make faces behind Harrison's back Hahaha.

Closed out.

Tinny took herself a little birthday nap on the way over. Awwww.

Sarah doesn't fuck around. Well past five in the morning and she busted out a bottle of champagne she found in my fridge.

Leigh trying to hide.

herman the cat, me, meredith — Meredith and I got a visit from my roommate's (stinky) cat, Herman. Check out Meredith's priceless "Ew, he fuggin stinks!" face.

herman the cat, me, meredith — Bunny cat!

herman the cat, leigh, meredith — Ps - Hey Tins, are you actually trying to get Herman to smoke?

meredith — Meredith sexing up the camera.

leigh — Awwww! Whoever said that champagne would help your headache is a liar! Happy Birthday Tins!

Sunday, July 25th

ryan m — The next day, Leigh's roommate Ryan planned a surprise birthday dinner for her at Zen Palate.

andrew b — Robbie, Andrew and Marissa.

audrey, greg k — Audrey and Greg K.

leigh, me — The very surprised birthday girl.

After our crazy-ass ten-dish meal, Ryan played his hole-card and surprised Leigh with...

leigh — ...a giant cake. (What's up, cutest picture ever?).

greg k, leigh — Happy Birthday!

Later that night, a bunch of us met up at Bar13 to continue the festivities. Jessica showed up with a water pistol! Just when I was about to run away, she told me...

"Don't run! It's filled with vodka!" Ooooooooooookay.

leigh — Birthday Tins and one of her new birthday friends!

me, susan — Mark, Susan and me.

leigh, susan — Leigh and Susan.

Me and some guy who wanted to show off his nipple.

leigh, me, susan — Me demonstrating the proper "guy who wants to show his nipple" technique.

leigh — Uhh...THE END! Happy Birthday, Leigh!