...holiday-themed bathroom grafitto (which is the gramatically correct singular form of the more commonly misused "graffiti") that was scribbled above the urinal in the Ledgewood Mall bathroom. Check out her festive elf hat! And hey, is that a bell on top?
Oh, and here's a pic of the Holiday Card Meredith received in the mail from her friend Chessa. She took one of Meredith's old modeling pics, cropped it super-close and then stamped a "YOU'RE A JEW!" menorah on her forehead. Hahaha. Classy!
...this guy! Check out his outfit! It's like...actually, you know what? Making fun of this guy's outfit would be like tackling a a guy with no legs. I mean I'm not exactly a fashion maven, but even I know not to mix my wide-waled raver cords with any of my (many) leopard-print silk robe-shirts.
...I managed to capture this! When I showed my brother the photo on my tiny camera preview screen he almost dooked his drawers. But upon closer examination what we thought might be some evil spectre just turned out to be...
Driving a little further we saw a turn in off the road that led to a nice little park and took it. Then we got of the car and saw this sign. Fucking mountain lions? Are you kidding me? So let me get this straight, California - you've got a beautiful ocean that too cold to even GO IN and you've got scenic parks where CHAIN MAIL SHIRTS are recommended if you want to toss a frisbee around? W. T. F. ?
Who the fuck buys a hearse and then is like "Hmmm, it's pretty goth but NOT GOTH ENOUGH FOR ME! I'm gonna need to get me some plywood and some stained glass and build a little evil church on top." If had me that shit I would've totally redid it to look like the Ghostbuster's car. (Although, now that I think about it, I'm not sure if that's more gay or less gay?)
...Chicago's legendary Mr. Whitefolks, who is arguably the world's only famous white pimp best known for his extensive speech on the importance of "beating the shit outta your hos to keep them in line" in HBO's Pimps Up Hos Down documentary. When I showed up, he was actually in the process of trying to convince Leigh and Meredith and that they should "be his bitches." He later informed me that this process is known as "turning bitches out." (Check out both of Leigh and Meredith's absolutely priceless expressions. Hahahah.).
Wednesday night at 7pm sharp, my cell phone rang. It was Seth. "Battjer, look out your window, we're heeeeeeeeeeere." I pulled back my bedroom curtain and instantly shuddered. After rhetorically asking myself countless times "What kind of douchenozzle would actually ever drive around Manhattan in a fucking HUMMER-LIMO?" I'd finally answered my own question. Doh. (In Seth's defense, he'd actually ordered a normal strech limo but it'd broken down and this was the only other car the company had onhand that would accomodate our group.)
I went out of town for a few days to attend my cousin Chris' wedding, when I got back into town, there was a note from my roommate on the door saying she'd also gone away for a few days. The note explained that she'd left some food out for Herman (her cat) but that he'd probably need more by the time I got back and to please feed him. In the summertime, most people would leave a cat a bowl of DRY CAT FOOD, right? Well, not Vic. By the time I got home, the bowl of wet cat food she left for him had transformed into a swirling, writhing bowl FILLED with maggots. (See, that's the thing about my site - you may get to see two stupidly hot girls smooching, but you also have to deal with nonsense like this. Sorry.)
...NAKED MAN! Hahahaha. This old dude is always chilling there in a lil' Speedo-type thang and from certain angles (ok, most angles) it looks like he's buck naked.
This is why it's always better to just wait for one of the urinals to open up. Venture into a stall at a rock show and you never know what the fuck you're going to see. Is that someone's shirt in there? How does that even happen?
After leering around NYU for a while, we decided to head over to the dog park in Washington Sqaure Park. We sat around playing with OPP (other peoples' pets). Then this guy showed up. What started out as a normal "petting session" almost escalated into a totally different kind of "petting session." The guy mounted his dog in reverse and spent a god-honest five whole minutes seductively stroking the animal's hindquarters. It was so creepy. Everyone in the park stopped talking and just watched him.
Once he was sure he had the park's attention (and after he'd ejaculated in his shorts) he went on to give his dog a drink of water by pouring the water into his own mouth and then letting the dog lap his fucking face. He did this like 3 feet from where Fatty and I were sitting, totally showing off for the cam. When he was all finished, he looked over at us and smiled and I turn, held up the camera and took....
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