October 31, 2003

European Vacation Part 19: A Day in Essex

Halloween in Essex! Hoo-ah! Our plan for the day was for Grant to show us around where he grew up, get some fish and chips and then try to find some inexpensive "shiny shoes." (Later that evening, we planned to head over to nearby Baseldon's big mall, meet up with Charlene and the girls and check out the nightclubs there. And according to Grant, we wouldn't be let in unless we had button-down shirts and shiny dress shoes). See? Essex really is the UK equivilent of New Jersey!

mr stoddard — Grant's dad whipped up some serious breakfast sandwiches: crumpets with English bacon, butter and Coleman's English mustard. Sooooo tasty.

grant — ...and headed for the nearby shore town of Leigh-on-Sea. (Beyond the lovely scenery, the best part of the trip was the Abott & Costello-esque conversation between Grant and the Fatty where Fatty thought the town was called "Leon's Sea.")

Further solidifying the "Essex is New Jersey" analogy, Leigh-on-Sea turned out to be the UK's answer to Wildwood. And we all know what that means...

chris a, fatty, grant, me — ....ARCADE TIME! (Look at Grant and Chris peeking out in the background. Hahaha).

chris a, grant, me — Grant was standoffish at first....

grant, me — ...but eventually, even he, the videogame detractor, couldn't help but get caught up in the frenzy of excitement that is SILENT SCOPE 2.

fatty, grant — After spending too much money at the arcade (those pound coins certainly aren't US quarters) we went the the nearby "Under the Arches" restaurant and got our fish and chips (Because it's just not a shore experience until you've had something deep-fried).

chris a, fatty, grant, mr stoddard — And then we drove back towards Corringham to the White Lion Pub in Fobbing to meet up Grant's dad and...

grant, kris p — ...Kris Perrin, Grant's best friend from high school.

This pub is crazy old. There was a plaque on wall over by these dudes (that were dressed like they'd just gotten back from a goddamned foxhunt) that told about how it was the meeting point for the Peasant's Revolution in 1381.

grant, kris p — Kris showing off his new ink.

An unfinished leg-piece.

me, mr stoddard — Me with Papa Stoddard.

grant — You know you got accidentally shitfaced when your cravings for a salty, fatty snack become so intense that you actually end up consuming a bag of something that's called "Mr. Porky Pork Scratching."

Here's us trying to take a sneaky pic of one of the Foxhunters as he left the bar. Smooooooth.

By the time we left the pub, the shoe store that we were going to stop at on the way back to Grant's parents house was closed. Mr. Stoddard offered to lend both Chris and I pairs of his dress shoes so that we'd be able to get into the club with everyone else later that night. This worked out well for Chris, who like Brad wears a size 9, but didn't work out so hot for my size 12 tootsies. Check out the side by side comparison - I had to keep my toes curled to walk in them.

I'm such a lightweight - nothing makes me sleepier than having a few beers in the afternoon. Not wanting to be at anything less than full capacity for our big night touring Essex's finest nightclubs (ok, ok and also wanted to spend some more QT with Gemma's fragrant pillow...mmmmm, Gemma), I opted to take a quick nap. Somebody snuck in (the Fatty, I think) and managed to grab this pic (which is one of the few pics on the site of a person sleeping that doesn't also have someone's genitalia in close proximity to their face).

grant — After my little nappy nap, Grant and I headed down to Eastern Eye to pick up the enormous order of Indian food we'd ordered for dinner (where I managed to snap this sick-ass photo of Grant's superb rendition of the rarely seen sideways variation of the DLR [that's Mr. Lee Roth, to you son] air kick.)

grant, me — We wanted to eat lots of stinky, spicy Indian food - that way if none of us managed to pull in the clubs later that night, we could all blame it on our kicking BREAFFF! (Hey, it worked in Greece, right?)

chris a, fatty, grant, mrs stoddard — Awww, yeah - check tha setup! Awwww, look how cute Grant's mom is all displaying the food with the boys. (And be forewarned, anybody making remarks about Moms in the comments section will be promptly banned. In the words, of the Wise Fatty, "Dat shit ain' coo'!")