July, 2003

The July Roundup

Can I get a what what? Here they are: all the wonderful pics from July piecemealed together for one fantastiliscious �berEntry!

Tuesday, July 1st

grant, vin — Grant had just broken up with his girlfriend Erica (for the 8th time, but really, who's counting, right?) and wanted to stay home and mope. Instead, Vin and I managed to convince him to go to our friend Kusum's rollerdisco brithday party at the Roxy. After a little bit of Vin-nuzzlin' failed to cheer him up...

vin — ...Vin pulled out the big guns and tried reading him poetry he had written back from when he was sad from his last breakup. With Grant still utterly inconsoleable, we figured rollerskates might be our only option.

Biege and orange rented rollerskates to be precise.

When even the sight of me striking rollerdisco poses failed to elicit a smile, I knew our little buddy was really down in the dumps.

I left Vin and Grant nursing drinks on the edge and hit the rink. I managed to snap off this one pic before I got yelled at. "NO PICTURES!"

kusum, vin — Vin with Kusum, the birthday girl! After this, Grant went home and Vin and I went to The Hole - but the only pic I have from there is a totally obscene weiner shot of me peeing in the sink and laughing. Contrary to popular belief, I actually do have a real job and posting full-on dickshots on the web's pretty steep - even for me. So for now, you're just gonna have to settle for the numerous, gratuitous ball-shots.

Thursday, July 3rd

sarah — Thursday night, I went over to Sarah Lewitinn's place to meet up before heading over to the Fourth of July Motherfucker party (Motherfucker is a party in NYC that happens the night before most major holidays).

The party this time was held at a club called Eugene in midtown. The crowd was a strange mix because around 50% of the people that were there seemed to be the people that regularly go to Eugenes (read: Bridge and Tunnel Guidos) and didn't expect a bunch of winged, legwarmers-on-their-arms-wearing weirdos to show up.

beatrice, xiomara — Case in point? Lovelies Beatrice and Xiomara. (See? Legwarmers on the arms! Ha!).

sarah — And wings! Wings! I told you!

me, sarah — Me and Sarah (aka - Ultragrrrl) cut rug until we were sweaty messes in the back room. Damn, babygirl can dance! (Wearing the shirt that would later cause the Village Voice to give a shout out to her "bodacious ta-tas").

Saturday, July 5th

grant — DON'T WALK! Saturday night Grant and I found a downed traffic-crossing sign (that someone had obviously hit with their car) that was still working.

tara — Later that night, Tara and I hopped the subway out to Coney Island for a little ghetto-amusement action. Here's us in line for the Cyclone.

me, tara — And here's a pic of us just before getting on the Tilt-a-Whirl-on-Crank ride in the background.

Talk about getting your six-tickets worth! Holy shit. *burp*

Monday, July 7th

matt l, matt lesser, sid and buddy — More Sid & Buddy karaoke. Sid (dressed as Siouxsie?) singing and Buddy on the inflatable axe.

betsy, matt l, sid and buddy — Ooooooh! Betsy's showing 'er bum!

betsy, matt l, natalka, yelena — It's Strips vs Dots - winning team gets a new wardrobe! (Hahaha. Sorry, just kidding. Errrr, sort of. From L to R: Betsy, Buddy, Yelena and Natalka).

doug j — Special karaoke gueststar: Doug Jaeger (whose aparently too busy counting his bling to update his goddamned website).

Special Bonus! Here's a thirty second video clip of me singing Quiet Riot's seminal metal hit: Cum On Feel Tha Noize. Courtesty of Doug.

karaoke ˆ video

Wednesday, July 9th

tara — Here's a totally random picture of Tara modeling the "bikini" shirt her dad got her. Hahaha.

Thursday, July 10th

Thursday night I went to the NY Premeire of the Brazilian movie "Madam Sata." But there was a problem with the audio track in the movie and the screening was cancelled.

After a few minutes at the lackluster afterparty (which wasn't much of a party because everyone was so bummed about not getting to see the movie), I headed over to The Hole where I witnessed...

...a bunch of hipster-tools, oh sorry, I mean street artists, tag some girl's dress. Yes, seriously. They tagged her fucking dress. And no, this wasn't some performance art-nonsense; this girl, after several minutes of watching these guys she didn't know write on the walls, went over to them and asked them to write and spray paint on her.

Okay, I just spent ten minutes trying to think of a funny caption for this photo but have come to the conclusion that nothing is funnier than just pointing out her expression. Just look how proud of herself she is. You can almost see her daydreaming about the non-existent day in the future when one of these clowns becomes the next Basquiat and she'll have the dress all hanging in a glass case on her wall telling her friends at a cocktail party, "Well, the moment I saw him writing those squiggles on the wall, I just knew I had to have him paint me. I needed to be his canvas."

If anyone living on a farm in Iowa is reads this, and you've got some extra room in your barn or something, email me because I need to get the fuck out of this city.

Dodgeball.com sticker in the bathroom? Dennis Crowley reprazent, y'all.

On the way out, a friend of mine who reads this site recognized the fashion-mullet man from back in April. I'm happy to report, he's since cut it off.

Friday, July 10th

emma, lorelei — On Friday night I went over the Blu on Avenue C to wish farewell to Em & Lo who were leaving the next morning for their eight week, cross-country tour to promote their book that had just come out.

A few days prior, I was in the Barnes & Noble on Astor Place and I found their book prominently displayed! After watching the whole project from the sidelines for well-over a year, it was crazy to see the book in an actual store!

emma, jamye waxman — Emma, Jamye, Rachel's girlfriend, and Rachel Kramer Bussel (the fact that I remembered all three of Rachel's names should make up for forgetting her girlfriend's).

nina, tyler — Tyler and the incomparable Nina.

emma, tookie — Emma (and the book!) with Isabella Robertson (aka - Tookie).

nina — Nina pulling out the big guns (most likely after reading up on the chapter on fisting).

lorelei, me — Goodbye lovelies! See you in September!

Monday, July 21st

grant — So out of the blue on Sunday night, Grant announces that on Monday morning he's going to start a ten day fast. No food at all; only water with lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup. I predicted that he wouldn't make it more than two days and he got mad and wanted to bet me $500 on whether or not he'd make it through all 10 days. I politely declined (as my parent's taught me that stealing from the mentally handicapped is wrong). Grant was disappointed that I wasn't going to take him up on the bet, but he still wanted me to document the progress of his fast. So, here's his first sip of the conncoction - 11:36am. Let the fast being!

grant — Oh, and what's this? Is that Grant at my house a few short hours later with a bag of three dollar Chinese food in front of him? Why's he covering his face? Why's he doing that? Hmmm...

grant — Maybe it's because the time is now 9:34pm (on the same day) and Grant's already given up on the fast. Yep, that's right - Mr. IBetcha Fivehundreddollars was able to go without food for exactly 9 hours and 58 minutes. (And then making the story even better, a few weeks later Grant confessed that he had snuck a cookie earlier in the afternoon. Hahahah).

beatrice, ed — Shortly after finishing his well-earned dinner, Grant lapsed into a food coma - so I went solo over to Monday night karaoke at Nolita Tavern. Here's Ed (doing his impression of Kyle Gass) with Beatrice.

beatrice, me — Beatrice and me with shots (courtesy of Ed).

sid and buddy — Sid & Buddy doing karaoke backup with some girl who Buddy later informed me is some webcam pornstar from Canada or something

matt l, sid and buddy — Check him out stealthily pressing her hand against his luggage. Smooooth.

Tuesday, July 22nd

amy a, meghan w — Tuesday night Amy Albano (who had just gotten back from six weeks of backpacking in South America, hence her browness) and I went over to the LES to meet up for Meg Wicker's bday party. Happy Birthday, Wick!