The other was an investigative journalism piece for Penthouse! "The Squirt Meister: There's a masseur in New York City who says he can provoke female ejaculation in any woman. Our lucky reporter took two volunteers to test his claim."
In a totally crazy coincidence, later that night we ran into Steve Haise who is hands down the BIGGEST Van Halen fan we know (and maybe even in the world). He almost creamed himself when he heard where we'd been earlier that night.
We got to the building in question and fucked around pressing all the apartment buzzers until someone finally buzzed us in (Holly Golightly style, boyeeee). We weren't positive the intelligence we'd gotten was accurate until we got into the lobby and saw this sticker on one of the mailboxes (I shit you not!). He even calls himself DLR. Fucking amazing.
After a few knocks, it was clear that no one was going to answer. We figured that maybe everyone was out on the balcony deck with DLR and they couldn't hear us. We decided to head up to the roof and see if we'd be able to get a vantage point of the party from there.
...this time he made sure to wear pants that can only be described as "ass-a-liscous!" Grant Stoddard kneels down so he can appreciate it in all its full glory.
Hey! Remember The Ass? (If not, you must take immediately take a time out from this entry to go back and read about him. Just click here, don't worry, it'll open into another window for you.)
All caught up? Well then you're probably thinking to yourself "Wow Brian, how in the world did The Ass (who's real name is Stevie, I'd like to add) end up at your party?" I'm glad you asked.
Most of you know that I work for an online dating company. One of the people who reviews the profiles when they're created came across Stevie's profile and emailed it to my attention. I emailed Stevie through the personals and sent him a link the aforementioned diary entry (when I dragged him out of Lombardi's to photograph his ass). He thought the pics were hilarious so I invited him to the party. And he came! AND..
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