July, 2004

The July Roundup: Part Two

Saturday, July 16th

grant — Saturday morning, Grant and I headed down to Chinatown for a dim sum brunch at Mandarin Court.

Mmmm, delicious dumplings filled with...um...stuff.

On the walk over towards the Thompkins Park, I went through a Dominican neighborhood on the Lower East Side and ran into the cutest, oldest, shiveriest little beagle mutt wearing a strapped-on sombrero. (I think she might even top the two dogs that I ran into that were wearing sunglasses ).

Friday, July 23rd

john craven, jolie — On Friday night, Fatty, Grant and I headed over to Tribeca to meet up with John and Lori Craven and their two kids, Jack and Jolie, for dinner. Here's pappa John with his two rugrats. (And correct me if I'm wrong, but is Jolie pulling a Blue Steel face?). Just when we started to think she was too sexy like Right Said Fred, she ended up pulling...

jolie — ...this face. Hahahahah. Apparently, this is what she does when you ask her to smile for the camera.

jolie, lori — Lori and Jolie. Grrrrrrrrrrr!

fatty — The Fatty!

jolie, me — Me helping Jolie eat her broccoli (it's only fair that I return the favor, a few years ago she helped me eat my vegetables).

grant — Grant (barely) holding up the GINORMOUS baby Jack. The kid's only six months old and he already weighs more than his two year-old sister.

I wasn't even able to take him standing up, I had to sit down to hold him!

fatty — Fatty and Jack.

john craven, jolie — Jolie, Jack and Pappa John (just to give you an idea of scale, John is 6'3").

grant, john craven — After dinner, the Cravens hopped a cab and headed back to New Jersey. (Thanks for dinner, guys!)

leigh, matt lesser — After dinner I met up with Tins and we headed over to Lit. For the longest time, I'd told her she looked like she could be my friend Matt's bizarro sister. So when we ran into Matt, I asked for a side by side photo. Anyone else see the resemblance?

michael — Michael was there with his friend who was in from out of town. Or that was at least his "I'm not used to these late bar hours" excuse before he promptly passed the fuck out on the downstairs couch.

counter c, leigh — Bwa-hahahahah! Counter and Tins.

Saturday, July 24th

ross m — On Saturday I went back down to Mandarin Court for dim sum brunch with Ross Martin (Two weekends in a row! I knew I got that hepatitis shot a few months ago for a reason!).

ross m — Ross showing off a delicious fried sesame-bun type thing. (I think it was filled with red bean paste?)

sarah — Then later that afternoon, Sarah and I went to TeaNY to pick up Leigh's cake for her bday party later that night at Misshapes (those pics coming soon). Before we bought her a whole cake, we decided it'd probably be wise (ok, delicious) to sample a slice first.

Monday, July 26th

leigh — HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEIGH! Monday was Tinny's official birthday and I took her out for vegan treats at Red Bamboo. Just because it's a seitan Philly cheesesteak doesn't mean she can't make carnivorous faces while she tears into it.

leigh — After lunch, we went decided to mix things up by lounging around in Washington Square Park for a change. We even had a lil' picnic blanket.

leigh — Birthday Tinny.

Here's the super-fancy homemade (can you tell?) wrapping paper I whipped up for one of Leigh's presents.

While we were sitting there reading, this dude shows up alone with a duffel bag. He sits down, unzips the bag, and proceeds to construct a two and a half foot-tall hooka...so he can smoke TOBACCO by HIMSELF. Huh? After taking a few sneaky pictures from a distance, Tinny dared me to go over and talk to him and see if I could get him to pose for some pics. It took me a while to wipe the shit-eating grin off my face, but eventually I got my act together and walked over.

I told him I was taking pictures of people doing "cool things" for a "cool new magazine" and asked if he'd mind posing for some pictures. He was stoked. The only question he asked me was "Should I wear my headphones or leave them off?" "Let's do a few of each, mmmmkay?"

"Great! Now how about you put the headphones on and puff smoke while you pensively look into the distance. There, like that."

david f — For dinner, I met up with David Forman for some delicious...

david f — ...sushi. David moved up to Woodstock for his job and I hardly get to see him anymore (boo!).

david f — After dinner we picked up his dog Cass and then got some Tasty D-Lite. We sat on the bench on Houston shooting the shit and Cass laying on David's lap caused pretty much every single girl that passed by to stop and talk to us. Boys, take note.

genie lee — And last but not least, my friend Jeanie got some huge cellphone ad campaign and her face (looking like she just smelt catshit) is plastered up and down my entire street. Congrats, Jeanie!

Tuesday, July 27th

On Tuesday I ended up at Happy Ending late and unknowingly showed up at my bizarro twin Jonas' birthday party!

Somwhere along the line, Jonas said it was his birthday wish to take shirtless photos with me. Timmy took my camera, and Jonas got my shirt off faster than a fatgirl can unwrap a Twix. Here's me trying to hide my giant boner by acting uncomfortable.

jeffrey — Jeffrey may be the dance contect winner, but that doesn't mean he wants to see...

...this! Timmy managed to get off just one snap before I got my camera off of him.

me, timmy — Timmy (most famous for his role as instigator in the Grant Gets Gay "entry") giving me a "you're a good sport" wet willy. Suh-weet.

jeffrey, timmy — Yeah, whatever. On the short walk home, I was forced to momentarily bow my head...

...for Boobie. Amen.

Wednesday, July 28th

On Wednesday night, I came home to my apartment and right when I closed the door, I heard this scuttling, clanking noise coming from (what I thought) was the bathroom. I called out to my roommate, and when no one answered I started wondering if I'd startled a burgler who was hiding in the bathroom. I ran into my room, grabbed a bat, and started slowly advancing on the bathroom. I stopped in the kitchen, heart pounding in my throat and listened intently when suddenly from the sink immediately to my left there was a loud "PANG! SPLASH!" I almost shit myself.

I looked in the sink and there was a big bin filled with murky water (I used a flash for the pic above, the sink was dark and you couldn't see that there was anything in the bucket at the time). I was like "What the fuck does my crazy roommate have banging around in a giant pot in the sink?" I took a chopstick and went to stir the pot a bit when a pair of pincers splashed out of the water and took a swipe at it. (Causing me to nearly shit myself again).

Later that night (after I'd changed my underwear) I headed over to Lit to see Fatty play with Fireworks Go Up.

colin, fatty — Colin, Bill (Colin's Hair), Fatty and two girls whose names I've since forgotten (sorry!)

leigh, me — After the show, Tins and I hopped a cab to check out the Booty Dance Party over at the Tribecca Grand.

Right when I got there I ran into karaoke queens Marta and Jessica.

And Marta and I compared tans. (We should get her and Siege together for Pale-Off. Jesus.)

andrew b — Robbie and Andrew on the dancefloor (in matching red, no less. Awwww).

Jessica.

ilirjana, sheal — Sheal and Ilirjana (having a Weird-Name Off).

andrew b — Then Andrew, Autumn an Cat took the stage for some freestyling...

andrew b — ...and a choreographed dance routine.

andrew b, leigh, me — Tinns and a sweaty-necked me.

ellen s — Out in the lobby, I ran into Ellen and Melissa.

ellen s — And they posed on the couch. (Yeah, I know it's almost exactly like the other pic...but if you're anything like me, you probably don't mind).

ellen s, me — And then this naughty boy got what's been coming to him for a long time.

leigh — Tinny, where are your teeth?

Later that night, Reggie Cunningham (aka - "The Mr. Move") came out and put on a fucking crazy show.

Always a lady, indeed. They stacked all these empty styrofoam coolers behind him and halfway through the show, he threw them into the crowd and they got ripped apart and everyone was spraying beer and throwing around pieces of foam.

Reggie working tha crowd.

The dancefloor aftermath.

leigh, me — Not even my sweatiness stopped a smooch.

When we were outside hailing a taxi we ran into this girl who was freaked out because she just realized she was covered in someone else's blood. Ew.

leigh — On the way home, Tinny and I stopped at the totally scary, 24-hour McDonald's in Chinatown so I could get my McChicken on. There was this cute little old Chinese guy passed out in one of the booths and Tinny wanted me to take a picture of her giving him a kiss. I showed her this one and she decided she wanted a better one and motioned for me to give her the camera...

But when she took the camera from me, she accidentally flipped the camera from "picture mode" to "movie mode" and so when she leaned in and pressed the shutter to take a sneaky photo, she started filming herself!

The best part of the movie is when she accidentally bumps into the old guy and he wakes up! Almost as funny as the two of us having to turn away quickly and pretend that we weren't up to anything. Hahahah.

Friday, July 30th

meredith — On Friday, I met up with Meredith. While walking down Houston Street we ran into Sarah. I have Meredith my camera and she took a picture of me...

sarah — ...hugging Sarah in my undies.

lindsay r, me — A few minutes later Lindsay and her friends walked by and we got them with the same gag. Happy July! Woo!