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me×!gift×

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A set of tiki torches!
the september roundup
September, 2017
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First aid kit!
the september roundup
September, 2017
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Telescopic hot dog roasting sticks!
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Picnic blanket!
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BBQ cooking tools!
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Some anti-mosquito lanterns
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Here we go!
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...this excellent Polaroid he took of Astra & Cynthia ass-smashing my face back in 2010 at my 34th beach birthday party!
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Christmas 1987 - my brother and I freaking out about getting the long-awaited PHANTASY STAR for the Sega Master System. This was the first RPG I ever got into and it exploded both of our brains!
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My parents got me my own mask, snorkel and fins.
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Thanks, Mom! Three winters later and I still wear this guy all the time.
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...that my dad got one as well! Hahah.
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Speaking of a Christmas story, the next morning my brother and I opened presents from our mother to find matching sweaters! And it turned out...
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Hot chocolate mixes for me!
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I got memory foam-lined slippers! It's like your feet are getting a hug.
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...she came bearing gifts! Ellen is an EXPERT present-selector.
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He gave me an early birthday present of one of his illustrations on a shirt!
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And my mom got my holiday boxers...
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I recently bought a keyboard and started teaching myself piano so Meredith's parents got me a bunch of awesome books on music theory!
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I laughed so hard I was crying. Thumbs up for BALD SKINHEAD WIG! Awesome present, Doug!
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Omg, putting this thing on was like torture. It was pulling my hair so hard.
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The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever
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Why Is Sex Fun?: The Evolution Of Human Sexuality (One of Jared Diamond's books that preceded Guns, Germs & Steel)
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The Singularity Is Near: When Humans Transcend Biology MOAR SCIENCE!
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Genome: The Autobiography of a Species in 23 Chapters
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The Human Face. (An awesome BBC documentary hosted by John Cleese!)
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And a fancy coffee maker? What? I was confused. After Meredith was done chuckling at my confusion, she explained that these weren't birthday presents for me, they were WEDDING PRESENTS off of our registry.
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I saved the two biggest boxes for last. The first turned out to be a rice cooker. Hey, what kind of birthday present is this?
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Grinder! (Not the app! I swear!)
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At midnight it was officially my 33rd birthday and therefor time to open presents!
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Outliers, Sway and RAGNAR'S URBAN SURVIVAL: A Hard-Times Guide to Staying Alive in the City. Hahaha.
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The books Meredith selected for me were all bulls-eyes: Fifty Places to Dive Before You Die.
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...and lots and lots of books.
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...."B" belt....
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Other gifts included at bottle cap tripod...
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I love NY rat-shirt!
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Then back at home Meredith and I exchanged presents.
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...CatchPhrase! (Part of our constant attempts to find a new fun game to replace Cranium now that we're all pretty much burnt out on it).
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Meredith's gift to me was...
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I went next and got...
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And here's my reaction to opening a card and finding a slip for a pre-ordered Amazon Kindle from Mer's parents. Holy moly, awesome gift! Thanks so much!
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I got some sweet lil' gifts! Like these matching, antlered-buck salt and pepper shakers!
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Ten envelopes and ten more rhyming couplets later...I was led to my scavenger-hunt birthday surprise!
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I got this awesome print of naked Meredith showing off her dope-tastic boo-tay.
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...a guide to the best veggie restaurants in NYC! Thanks, guys!
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Amanda, Fatty and Grant embraced my newfound vegetarianism and got me...
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...a DANCE PAD so that we could play Dance Dance Revolution in my apartment! Incredible!
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The second part was...
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The first part was the Xbox version of Dance Dance Revolution!
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Then it was time for my two-part "big" present from Fatty, Grant and Amanda!
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In the next round of presents, I scored big-time with Call of Duty 2 for Xbox!
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...that had a "secret" iron-on inside the shirt. Awwww.
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...was this fucking awesome water-proof case for my camera so that I can take pictures while scuba diving!
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Which turned out to be this totally bad-ass photo printer! Hands down one of the best birthday gifts I've ever gotten!
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Here's me with my portable Wolverine drive! (When you're traveling, you can copy over the pictures from your full memory cards to this little bad boy, then erase the cards and keep shooting).
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Here's me with my comedy shirt from Aunt Barb and Uncle Tom!
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Woooo!
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I'll kick this entry off in Meredith's apartment with a re-cap of a few of the presents I received - here are my glow in the dark skull socks!
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The only problem was that they made it using an XXXL shirt and the bad boy came down to my knees!
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And fake "dirty hippie teeth."
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Hahahah.
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The next few gift were to help me fit in with "all of the homeless people that you're sure to be hanging out with." Fake moustaches (because my friends all know that I can't grow a real moustache to save my life).
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Some incense. ("After you're done humping hippy chicks, you might want to burn some of this. It'll help clear the air in the room.") I wasn't sure what the next gift was at first...
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...a hackeysack! Hahaha. Check me out, showing off. Look out Dolores Park, here I come!
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And a...
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First up, a sweet Haight-Ashbury tie-dyed shirt. When I was like "This shirt's way too big!" They replied "Don't worry, you're going to start smoking lots of pot and do nothing out there. You'll get real fat and grow into it."
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Grant, Leigh, Meredith and Sarah (none of whom were super-pleased with my decision to move) came over to my apartment early to give me a series of presents they'd named "The New Yorker in San Franciso Survival Kit." My interest was piqued.
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Peace, love and happiness temporary hippy tattoos. (Between these and the dolphin arm-band tattoos Leigh got me on my birthday, I'm all set!)
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Trail Mix.
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Next up, a beaded necklace.
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A killer marijuana-leaf pendant. ("Make sure you wear that with the fanny pack. You'll be knee deep in hairy hippie bush in no time!")
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The fannypack felt a little heavy and when I unzipped it to investigate, I found more presents!
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They explained "Chicks out there, DIG THOSE."
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Next up, a fannypack.
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Ummm, thanks Meredith.
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When Leigh and I met up with Meredith on the street, she was holding a shopping bag and laughing. Apparently, my birthday present that she'd told me was being "specially made" had finally arrvied and she informed me that she was going to "make me wear it out tonight." Well, Meredith's present turned out to be this uber-classy shirt that says "P is for Pussy" on the front (complete with a picture of the cookie monster doing the internation sign for pussy-eating)...
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Which left the black one for me.
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...and one of me displaying my Jersey Shore Salt Water Birthday Taffy (and then my camera died - which is why there are no more pics from this night).
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I managed to net a much larger fish - check me out holding my fancy "Learn to Speak Spanish" software that I asked for.

Dad to me a few weeks later: "So, is the Spanish software working?"
Me: "Yes."
My Dad: "En espanol, por favor." Me: "Si."
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Here's me getting ready to open my one present (from mom).
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I love presents!