Let me ask you sumptin, how real do Tyler's fake titties look? We made these crazy-ass real-looking boobs by taking yellow balloons and adding red M&M's for nipples. (Is it wrong that this picture sorta gives me a chubby?)
Now Scott and I had spent many an hour compiling lists of things we would do if, per chance, we were ever given our very own midget. So we didn't waste any time and got right down to the activity at the top of our list: finding out just how much alcohol a midget can actually consume.
Two screwdrivers later, the midget was still ambulatory (and dancing up a storm) So we decided it was time to step things up a notch...and started buying him shots. Of Tequilla. Cheap Tequilla. Cheap Bar Tequilla...which he drank with no further prompting from us, on the dancefloor. (Note girl in white shirt in the background laughing and pointing.) Tequilla makes all kinds of people do crazy stuff. We couldn't wait to see what it would make the midget do...
Er, sort of....but he got an "A+" for effort in my book. (You should've seen his little midget legs pumping to the beat as he attempted "the scramble." Priceless.
...turns out, tequila makes midgets break dance. I shit you not, the minute he finished his first shot, this midget, this fifty-something-year-old barely-speaks-any-English, drunk, midget, starts God-honest break dancing.
Yeah, I know. I fit right in. The only thing I can say in my defense is that this photo was taken way out of context. I wasn't making a Backstreet Boy Face on purpose! In fact, if you look at the original photo from which this headshot was taken you'll see that my expression is actually a....
Because Em & Lo were too preoccupied to take photos of us dancing, I lifted these next few photos off of Cake's website (they were all taken by Jenny Schulder). Grant ran out on stage, screamed "My name is Daniel-san!" in the mic, did a jump kick, opened up his karate jacket and then proceeded to rip off the tee-shirt he was wearing underneath! So tough!
Look, my clothes aren't even off yet and all the ladies've got their money ready! Aw yeah, boyee. (Too bad they all put their money away once I started getting naked...).
...and when that didn't get an immediate response, I upped the ante with "beefcake" version (check out Grant's sassy, coy lil' smile! Tee-hee!) ...and SHA-POW! It worked. Grant and I got the green light: we were going to become male strippers.
Growing more beligerent with each drink she downed, she eventually called us "manwhores" and stormed away because we apparently weren't giving her the attention that she deserved. (And in all fairness to her, considering she bought three rounds of drinks for both Grant and I at $10 a drink, she probably had a right to be unhappy...we're definitely not worth $60!)
Magnum Motherfucking P.I.! (P.I. = Pimped Investigator, bee-eye-atch!) This shot was taken at my place right before we left for the party. I chose to pose in front of the Hawaiian mural that covers that back wall of our Tikki Living Room.
Nina, Grant and Viola. Grant's horns came off because he was so fervently making out with Nina...see how she's missing make up and he's got white shit all over his face? Where's her hand anyway? Jesus!
Well, three steps into his "run," the board let out a loud "CRACK" and Grant bailed (like we all knew he would). Again, check out Ross screaming with laughter in the background.
