Then we ate the awesome dinner that Sarah cooked! Check out Monkey standing up like a weird muppet-person trying to get herself some delicious gnocchi!
On Friday night I went over to Sarah's for dinner and I brought along the "Pasture Pals" Christmas present that Meredith had picked out for Ellen. Look at that smile! Can you tell how much she liked it?
Something must've happened where I accidentally deleted a bunch of pictures because I don't have ANY photos from Thanksgiving! Boo! But moving on, here's a picture of the happiest dog you've ever seen.
Mom's home! Leigh came over to pick up Edie and she and Meredith modeled their matching shades. I love how Edie's sunglasses are sitting on her snout and her little doggy legs are just hanging down all slack. Hahaha. Best. Photo. Ever!
Ratso and Roxy! Rats are so funny and smart: any time they have a treat, they're worried that the other rat is going to try to steal it from them. When we gave them both treats at the same time, they experimented with different cage positions before finally settling on the "mutual butt-touching treat-enjoyment position." They back up into each other and know that as long as they can feel the other one's butt, they can enjoy their treat in peace! Hahaha.
Around 3pm we decided to pack it up, but not before I tried to take a sweet photo of the two of us together and Meredith made this totally amazing face behind my back. Hahaha. I love how it looks like she's actually licking my shoulder.
We just floated in there in awe letting them swim around us. I managed to snap this pic that I think does a good job showing off just how silvery and reflective they were. It was breathtaking.
I was soooooooo excited to go diving in the Caymans. It's pretty much consistently listed as one of the best diving spots in the world. Not only does it have amazing coral and marine life, it's renowned for regularly having 150+ foot visibility! (Which is totally unheard of!) Check out how clear the water is! These pics don't even do justice to how much amazing it was in person! The deeper you go, the less visibility you have (because there's less light). But even at 50 feet you can still totally see the diver in the upper right-hand corner, who's at least thirty feet away!
Mexi Brunch + Margaritas = Sleepytime! (aka - The Best Photo of All Time). This is one of the photos that the longer you look at it, the funnier it gets.
Oh man, I love this picture SO MUCH. Every time I look at David's face I can actually hear the perverted little cackle he does when something naughty happens: "Heh...heh...heeeh."
...the monkey was just excited about all of us! Homeboy was packing!. Boy, thirty years old and still doing stuff like pretending an inflatable monkey's tail is a giant inflatable monkey-penis. I guess my eighth-grade guidance counselor was right about me all along! (At least he was wrong about the whole "ending up in jail" part! Er, at least so far anyway).
If you would've asked fifteen year-old me what I'd be doing on the night of my thirtieth birthday, I know without a doubt that he wouldn't have even come close to describing this photo.
Here's is our masterpiece! It's called See-Through Birthday Suit at Thirty. The saran-wrap garment serves as a skin-metaphor for identity and reminds us that that the world is new to us each and every morning. Which means, we are reborn a new each and every day.
August 7th was just a normal night around the house...but as soon as the clock struck midnight, Meredith appeared out of nowhere and sniped me with a birthday-treat!
After Mike lost to Phil, a lady that we all work with (I forget her name) decided to challenge Mike to a match! Everyone started teasing Mike and the ENTIRE company gathered around the table to watch. Mike is the king of shit-talking and knew that if he allowed himself to be defeated by a girl, he would never hear the end of it so he started really psyching himself up. Mike got himself so pumped up that when the match started he almost threw the lady out of her seat. (Which was probably the funniest thing I've seen in like 5 years). Here's the pic I snapped (of the lady yelling and almost getting her arm broken) right when we yelled "GO!" Hahahahaha.
...and we teamed up for this incredibly hot photo. (I don't know if you know this, but I'm going to let you in on a huge secret: WE ARE HUGE FUCKING DORKS.)
I had brought my waterproof camera case so I decided to go for a swim and take some pics! Nina came with me (and if you look closely at the right-hand side of the pic, you can see her pointing her toes and doing one of her famous "I was a former synchronized swimmer" moves). Hahah.
And Siege snapped a few funny pics of Mer and I goofing around on the beach with his fancy cam. (Thanks for sending these over, Siege!). Here's our impression of that old Coppertone advertisement where a little dog is tugging at a girl's bathing suit.
...pictures like this. Hahahaha. OMG, man Ellen Stagg really is a broseph trapped in the body of a buxom blonde. I love how she's even using two fingers to pretend she's "spreading the pink." Girl's hardcore RAW.
When the band got back on stage, they called me up to sing! "Don't Stop" is pretty much one of the best karaoke songs of all time and one of the few times that I actually don't mind that fact that I was pretty much born with a woman's voice. Check out the singer all like "Holy shit, this guy's a eunuch!"
HAHAHAHAHA! Here's a quick photo collage I made to reiterate just how expertly Grant managed to capture Posh Tony's likeness when he angrily scribbled this character of him a few months ago. (Keep in mind, Tony wasn't even around when Grant drew this!)
Last song of the night! I may not have won the competition, but I definitely went home feeling like a winner! (Cue sitcom audience applause and outro music from Growing Pains).
If, by the time I die, tombstones with embedded video screens are commonplace, someone please make sure that this photo makes it into the cemetery slideshow. Thanks. (Photo by Leo Zacharias)
A half an hour later, I went downstairs to get my coat and lookee who I found catchin' a lil' nap down in the basement. Hey, we all need a break sometimes. ; )
I went over to Black Face Jesus, introduced myself, snapped a bunch of pics, then asked him if he'd mind posing for a group picture...because while I wasn't exactly sure about where he was coming from, one thing was clear to me...
...Black Face Jesus needed to be BRAINED! Hahahahah. It's with great pleasure that I present to you this photo of me, a stranger from the internet, Black Face Jesus, and my balls.
Congrats, Greg and Tara! Thanks for inviting us to the wedding! Here's wishing you wonderful and happy life together! (Now come visit us in New York!).
Hahahahaha. This photo is comedy gold. Miye literally could not believe how big this girl's asshole was. She just kept pointing at it and laughing. She totally couldn't get her head around it (but I bet she could get "it" around her head! Ha!).
...I think it's safe to say that Meredith and my TEAM UGLY FACE prevailed. The best thing about "UGLY FACE" is that it usually always leads to you making friends with people who overhear you laughing and are like "Yo, what the FUCK are you guys doing?" And then after you explain their like "Oh..."
My ugly face! (Hahahah. Jesus. I know I've done this face like a million times and I should be used to it...but even I've got to say that this particular instance is shockingly ugly!
Towards the end of the night, I reached into my pocket to get something and realized I was still carrying around the drawing that Grant did of Posh Tony from last month (because every time I was feeling a little down, I'd pull it out and look at it). I got Tony pose with it again to try to gauge the likeness. Hahahaha.
...you can always find ways to keep on drinkin' for free! Hahaha. (By the way, I'm writing this almost two years after this photo was taken and when I recently showed this pic to Mike he just groaned and said "I always knew that picture would come back to haunt me.")
Ellen wanted me to take a picture of her "giving it" to Grant. She got on top of him, grabbed his legs and then just as I was about to take the pic, she threw his legs back and fold-fucked him in half! Hahahaha. Look at the expression on his face! He totally didn't see it coming!
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
