i keep a diary

a thing in 258 photos in 2003

best

showing 2003 only · show all years
appears with…
newest
best
Remember Nina? Of course you do! Anyway, Nina and her boyfriend Peter were housesitting an awesome apt.
new year's eve
December 31, 2003
best
Take two! This time with more attitude and less Ken.
new year's eve
December 31, 2003
best
In almost matching outfits no less (again!)
christmas with the fam
December 23, 2003
best
You know him, you love him. Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together and give a warm welcome to Chi-Chi's Mexican Mall Strip's very own, Music Man Jo-Jo Russell! (Yo, y'all may remember Jo Jo from entries like "Thanksgiving 2002," the good news is, his long-promised website is finally up and running!)
christmas with the fam
December 23, 2003
best
"Now throw your hands in the air and scream!"
christmas with the fam
December 23, 2003
best
On the ride home we were glad to see that they finally installed a word of warning for any ladies that might be following us back to our place for a romp.
christmas with the fam
December 23, 2003
best
Sarah and Rob took it upon themselves to...
a karaoke christmas
December 22, 2003
best
Hahahaha.
a karaoke christmas
December 22, 2003
best
...actually lay in her lap while frenching. (I love how Rob's laughing and it's causing Sarah to accidentally lick his face).
a karaoke christmas
December 22, 2003
best
...totally passed the fuck out. Sarah went over to seranade her and when she didn't wake up for that, we knew there was trouble to be had.
a karaoke christmas
December 22, 2003
best
I'm not sure who this guy is or whether or not the drunk girl was a friend of his. He was sitting next to her the whole night and he loved that everyone was posing with her.
a karaoke christmas
December 22, 2003
best
The Eiffel Tower of Power!
a karaoke christmas
December 22, 2003
best
Sid & Buddy go swimming!
a karaoke christmas
December 22, 2003
best
Tee-hee-hee!
a karaoke christmas
December 22, 2003
best
"You're a jew!"
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
best
Ok, ok - not Britney Spears, but a really good Britney Spears lookalike.
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
best
Hahahaha. He looks like he's doing the "Happy Snoopy" dance.
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
best
Hahaha. Ross telling wifey to beat it (*Bonus points to Jordana for pulling the "You're in trouble" face that eventually inspired Dashiell's infamous "Whatchoo talking 'bout, Willis?" look
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
best
Tom Mother-Effing Wheeler, yo.
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
best
Here's another artsy photo I took to accompany Grant's article (that never ended up being used).
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
best
Friday morning Grant and I got up early and drove down to the ranch offices so Grant could interview Tom Wheeler, the head cowboy at the Circle W Ranch, for Grant's "Sex Advice from Cowboys" article.
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
best
...and refugee groupies from the 80s! Awwww, yeah! (This lady was awesome - she was totally all over Fatty. Fatty was laughing, but at the same time he was all nervous because she was there with a bunch of scary looking dudes. Check out how Fatty's all got his arms up in the air like "I'm not touching her, see? She is the one touching me!")
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
best
But we went up to them afterwards and were talking to them and they turned out to be the nicest people in the world. (And although you can't really tell from this pic, this lady was actually pretty hot. Fatty kept nudging me and nodding over at her being like "Dude, she's so hot....and TRAAAAASHY." Yep, Fatty loves him some trashy women.)
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
best
For some reason this is the only pic I have of Grant singing...see him there in the background? Look carefully, I know it's hard to see him behind the group of people who actually got up out of their seats and started doing a FUCKING KICKLINE to the end of his incredible rendition of Frank's "New York, New York." (People from California got up and kicklined to "New York, New York" sung by a Brit. Think about that.)
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
best
So great.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
best
How fucking rad is this place? (These pics were all pics I took for his article).
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
best
Hahah.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
best
Grant holding my horse for me while I dismounted to open the gate next to the hoof guard so that we could move on to a different area of the ranch.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
best
I love this photo so much.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
best
Grant and the Fatty on theirs. Now, one thing to keep in mind - the horses we were riding weren't wimpy petting zoo horses that have been ridden by hundreds of people. These horses were broken, but don't get ridden all that often - and when they do get ridden, they're ridden by real cowboys who know how to handle them. So in the beginning, we each had to spend quite a bit of time with our horses pretending like we knew how to act like we were in charge.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
45IMG_7508.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
They're both smiling. Hahaha.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
50IMG_7515.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Holy fuck, right?
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
38IMG_7488.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
And here he is showing me his nostril.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
best
Check this out: Tavis is a totally rad illustrator and snuckity snuck Laura onto the December cover of god-damned Boston Magazine. How amazing is that?
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
best
Shhhhhhh! Don't tell!
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
best
Dashiell Martin: Political Toddler.
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
best
I was trying to take a photo of Grant biting the giant "Randy's Donuts" sign but right at the last minute, this big truck came into the pic almost blocking at I had to yell "Go high! Go high!" to even get the Donut in the pic. Mmmmm. Donuts.
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
DSC04755.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Hahahaha.
trip to cali part 1: nyc to la
December 10, 2003
DSC04725.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
The masses of humanity will always have to suffer. You tell 'em, Dr. Graffin.
trip to cali part 1: nyc to la
December 10, 2003
DSC04689.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Hahahaha. Cutest. Kid. Ever.
trip to cali part 1: nyc to la
December 10, 2003
best
Hahahah. Holy hot wife, batman!
back to back sid & buddy karaoke
November 19, 2003
best
After dinner, I stopped over at Miye and David's to bring them to their first ever Sid & Buddy Monday night karaoke. If not for his hot-ass wife, I'd swear David was a flaming queen - While goading him to hurry up in the bathroom I whipped out my cam and managed to catch his metrosexual ass in the middle of CURLING HIS FUCKING EYELASHES! I went back out the living room to inform Miye that I'd just caught her husband using her eyelash curler thingy to which she replied "My eyelash curler's in my purse. That's David's very own eyelash curler." And there you have it.
back to back sid & buddy karaoke
November 19, 2003
best
The best part was that Liz had like seven inches on him. (Bonus points for his American flag tie, bless his lil' heart.)
back to back sid & buddy karaoke
November 19, 2003
best
When even the costumes failed to draw the crowd's eyes from the show Leila and her fellow make-out co-conspiritors were putting on, Matt had no choice but to pull out the nuclear weapon of karaoke moves, the "Knee Swing from the Water Pipe." Holy fucking shit.
back to back sid & buddy karaoke
November 19, 2003
best
Hahahaha. Best booby grab picture ever. Seriously. Ever. (PS - Corri, I love you).
back to back sid & buddy karaoke
November 19, 2003
best
We Heart Karaoke.
back to back sid & buddy karaoke
November 19, 2003
best
Leila took a quick break from her make out sesh to writhe and gratuitously cup her breasts next to me on stage while I sang. Thanks for that, hon. Motley Crue karaoke just isn't the same without a girl on the stage touching herself and shimmying suggestively.
back to back sid & buddy karaoke
November 19, 2003
best
And then suddenly, the shots got the better of Leila and she started getting all fresh with Ed - tugging at his luggage and whatnot (The momentary look on confusion on Ed's face as he tried to figure out if she kidding around or not quickly turned to indifference as he realized "Hey, either way some cute chick's tugging at my carrot.") Then, just as Leila was about to give Ed some full-on mouth kissing, Chira shut things down with a strategically placed hand.
back to back sid & buddy karaoke
November 19, 2003
best
Then the birthday boy gave it a shot. Hahahaha.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
best
Hahahaha.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
best
Then Chris, being the "master of my own body" ninja that he is, destroyed them with him spot-on perfect impression (Well, except for the fact that he's not wearing a little brown dress). And the more we started taking, the shit was so funny that WE almost forgot that we really were taking him to his surprise party.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
best
So a few minutes later, G and I are sitting in Burger King kicking it with a coupla Whoppers, and this girl with a really great bum walks by. As soon as she'd passed, Grant was like "Get your camera ready! I want to show you what I'd like to do to that chick's ass." And thus came about my new all-time favorite pic of the Man, the legend, the King of Tee-Effing Ass, Grant "Pow, Howdaya Like Me Now" Stoddard.
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
DSC04590.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Then Candy and Gina got in on the act.
the november roundup
November, 2003
DSC04583.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After Lit, I headed over to Nolita Tavern for some Sid & Buddy karaoke action where I bore witness to my man Kyle fall victim to one of the most outrageous girlie-attacks I've ever seen. First they stripped his shirt.
the november roundup
November, 2003
best
After my little nappy nap, Grant and I headed down to Eastern Eye to pick up the enormous order of Indian food we'd ordered for dinner (where I managed to snap this sick-ass photo of Grant's superb rendition of the rarely seen sideways variation of the DLR [that's Mr. Lee Roth, to you son] air kick.)
european vacation part 19: a day in essex
October 31, 2003
33DSC00162.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After another (goddamned freezing) 15 minutes, we made it to the village of Melidoni.
european vacation part 16: scootering again.
October 29, 2003
26IMG_6872.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
"Easy Rider Goes to Crete." Click here for the hi-res version
european vacation part 16: scootering again.
October 29, 2003
27IMG_6874.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Another one. Check out the way the clouds are being dragged over the mountain top on the right. Click here for the hi-res version
european vacation part 16: scootering again.
October 29, 2003
22DSC00144.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After a long climb up a steep road, we paused to admire the view.
european vacation part 16: scootering again.
October 29, 2003
And for all those people who are feeling sorry for poor Fatty, here's the video of Fatty scaring the shit out of Grant a few hours later in the now infamous "Double Cross" video.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
33DSC04101.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Chris picking him up by his cute, lil' kitty head.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
21DSC04092.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
...which allowed him to lean in and totally win the "who can get their nuts closest to Fatty's face" contest. Holy shit. Bravo, Grant. Bravo.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
05DSC04080.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
...of Grant giving Fatty one of the best "Wedgie Sneak Attacks" ever captured on film. AWESOME. Less awesome is the fact that I didn't manage to capture the clobbering swing he administered to Grant's leg as he painfully reacted to the friction of a yard's-worth of fabric being zipped through his ass crack.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
Grant announced that he was going to take a shower before dinner and headed for the bathroom. As soon as we heard the water turn on, Chris and I grabbed the video camera, climbed out the bedroom window and went around the condo to the shower window. Hehehe.
european vacation part 13: steak dinner.
October 27, 2003
best
It was getting pretty late and Shelby, Tymber's roommate, seemed like she was tired and getting ready to go home. Grant sensing that Shelby was going to try to get Tymber to leave early with her, tried to get Shelby in the mix out on the dance floor in hopes that she'd stay a little longer. Check out the Fatty peeping Grant's crafty "Hey, now let's ALL dance together!" move from the sidelines. Smoooooooooth! Hahaha.
european vacation part 14: the buddha cafe.
October 27, 2003
best
Pulling out moves like this and everything. Kid ain't no joke, see?
european vacation part 14: the buddha cafe.
October 27, 2003
best
As well as the "Hey, it was nice to meet you too" hug. If there was audio, this is where I'd have a clip of the "I did mention I have my own TV show coming out, right?" conversation. Hehehe.
european vacation part 14: the buddha cafe.
October 27, 2003
best
Ever notice how the Greeks have been kind of quiet on the world scene since inventing modern thought and baklava? Well it turns out that they've been teaching killer fish circus tricks. Unfortunately, the bizarre aquatic piranha circus wasn't happening until after we left. Boo!
european vacation part 12: knossos ruins.
October 27, 2003
best
Behind the 5,000 year old palace there was once an inlet where dolphins frolicked. Here's a picture of them.
european vacation part 12: knossos ruins.
October 27, 2003
best
Yet another possible JDate photo opp for the Fatty. "Dude, it says to chicks 'I like culture and stuff' ". As handsome as he looks ladies, just keep in mind that moments after posing for this picture he ran off to "look for the torture chamber."
european vacation part 12: knossos ruins.
October 27, 2003
best
But after the first pic, Grant turned around and gave a Randy "The Macho Man" Savage-style FLEX DOWN! Hahhahaha. (Oh, and here's a lil' treat! It's the hi-res, large version for all you Grant fans out there (mostly dudes, I'm assuming) who are looking for a little "Beefcake Stoddard" desktop wallpaper action.)
european vacation part 11: caves of matala.
October 26, 2003
best
After the rock jumping photo session, Grant asked if I'd take some Bay Watchesque portraits of him.
european vacation part 11: caves of matala.
October 26, 2003
best
Seriously, check it. From the hair right down to the glasses, he's got it down! Even the man himself gives Fatty a "thumbs up" for his flawless impression.
european vacation part 11: caves of matala.
October 26, 2003
best
And for one of the main courses: Fresh octipi! Tenticliscous!
european vacation part 10: agia gahlini.
October 26, 2003
Check out the SPECIAL BONUS VIDEO!
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
IMG_6670.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
How tough is the Fatty in this pic? See that drop off behind Fatty in the pic? That's actually a steep road that leads down to this little tiny part of the penninsula that goes out into the water. We drove down to explore and take a closer look.
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
IMG_6674.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
...quickly digressed into another Sears' Catalog-inspired photo shoot. "Look! Over there!" "No! Look over there!"
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
IMG_6672.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
What started out as a quick stop to snap some pics of the view...
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
DSC03968.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Turns out, the highway was way less scary than the little road we'd been riding through town. On the little road, we were forced to ride in the sketchy, pothole ridden shoulder, where we constantly had to worry about cars pulling out in front of us and dogs that were running around in the street. But on the highway there was hardly any traffic and the shoulder was wide and smoothly paved. (By the way, you know you totally love my wind-styled Farrah Fawcett wings. They're the latest in cycling fashion.)
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
IMG_2561.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Bonus close-up! Still going (albeit slighly more red-faced)! Chris can hold himself like that for like 10 minutes. It's insane.
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
DSC03953.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Live Show gets the thumbsdown! Here's us in the parking lot trying to assess the financial damage. Our four Russian "strippers" managed to fleece the four of us for a grand total of €120 in less than 20 minutes! And we still didn't manage to see any heines! We hopped in the car to drive the remaing 1/4 mile back to our resort, and in the moment of silence after we were finished laughing hysterically at what had just happened we all heard Grant say quietly to himself: "Hmmmmm. A hundred Euros, eh?" Hahahahaha.
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
DSC03938.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
One of the first things we noticed: apparently Rethymnon has specifically designated "pedophilia" areas. Progressive!
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
DSC03900.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Clark: "Look kids! Big Ben!"
european vacation part 6: sightseeing with the stoddards .
October 23, 2003
best
Why yes, there is: The Fatty with a group of German ACDC fans. These guys were fucking hardcore. They got wind of the surprise show in Munich that morning and flew over on a whim.
european vacation part 4: london & ac/dc
October 21, 2003
best
Hans, me and Fatty. Hahahaha. Soooooo good.
european vacation part 4: london & ac/dc
October 21, 2003
best
Seriously, is there anything better than a photo of German ACDC fans?
european vacation part 4: london & ac/dc
October 21, 2003
IMG_6544.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fatty and Chris walking back down to our car.
european vacation part 3: the blue lagoon
October 21, 2003
DSC03797.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Here's the huge deck you walk out on from the locker rooms.
european vacation part 3: the blue lagoon
October 21, 2003
DSC03798.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Here's the last pic I took before the air temperature forced me to stash my camera and make a beeline for the insanely awesome 110°F water.
european vacation part 3: the blue lagoon
October 21, 2003
DSC03792.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
7:25am: Lost. We were right on target until the highway we were on turned into this crazy-ass rotary that shot us off in the wrong direction. We stopped at a gas station for directions, but nobody there spoke enough English to be helpful - so we hunkered down with the map and tried to figure it out. (Check out Fatty's priceless "We're lost" expression).
european vacation part 2: reykjavik, iceland.
October 21, 2003
best
Hahaha.
the day before vacation
October 16, 2003
best
After brunch, Fatty and I were running errands around the Lower East Side, getting last minute stuff for our trip, and I got a call from Vin who said we had to meet up because he had a going away present for me. The present turned out to be this "Penis Drinking Straw."
the day before vacation
October 16, 2003
IMG_6422.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Sarah making friends with the scary-ass costume guy that stands outside of Ricky's Halloween shop on Broadway for most of the month of October. If you come to NYC during then, watch out for this guy. He stands really still against the storefront pretending he's a statue and then when someone walks a little too close he'll jump out in front of them, or just reach out and touch their face, or my personal favorite, just as someone passes him, he'll start walking behind them really close...people will get like ten feet, sense someone is following them and when they turn around, they're like "AHHHHHHH!" Anyway, Sarah and I stood around for like ten minutes cracking up watching people freak the fuck out.
the october roundup
October, 2003
DSC03718.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Me. ("Smoosh it good!")
the october roundup
October, 2003
DSC03717.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Candy. Holy fucking shit. ("Ahhh. Ssssss. Smoosh it!")
the october roundup
October, 2003
DSC03662.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
the october roundup
October, 2003
DSC03667.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
the october roundup
October, 2003
DSC03644.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
...and this guy! I wish I could remember his fucking name! ARgh! He was a total Staten Island-style guido who was pretty much the friendliest guy I've ever met. He saw us taking pictures and wanted to take a look at my camera...which of course led to us taking pictures with him.
tara's 21st birthday and goodbye party
September 30, 2003
DSC03638.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
And last but not least, a color-your-own "Velvet-Art" Unicorn Poster. Awwww, yeah. Who loves ya, baby?
tara's 21st birthday and goodbye party
September 30, 2003
DSC03626.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
On Tuesday, I met up with Tara for birthday lunch at Cafe Liebowitz on Spring Street. Here she is using her actual ID to legally procure alcohol for the first time ever. Look at lil', mini, sixteen year-old Tara in the corner. Awwww, lil' baby's all growed up!
tara's 21st birthday and goodbye party
September 30, 2003