best

September 06, 2003

candy ↗+
tara ↗+

Tiffany heard us cackling and came in to investigate and decided to join in the fun. Here's Grant dishing some loving from behind...

September 06, 2003

And here's Grant trying to lick his coco-juggz.

September 06, 2003

...and here's my bringing it home to mommie. Check out Tiffany's face...sooooo funny.

the september roundup part two

September 06, 2003

me ↗+
tiffany ↗+

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Tara and I helped him bring all of his stuff back to his apartment, and then in a serious lapse of judgement, Tara agreed to close her eyes and let Grant surprise her - and in this case the surprise was all 10 inches of Jerome.

friday night out

September 05, 2003

So every once in a while, one of my friends will pull an expression in a photo that just begs to be Photoshopped into something else. Case in point - Frank and Colin were joking around and were pretending to flip a table and and then the next thing you know...

karaoke with seth

September 02, 2003

And then he treated us to even more "Frank dancing." (You should probably take the above image and save it to your desktop - that way, the next time you're feeling down, happiness is only a double-click away.)

karaoke with seth

September 02, 2003

Grant and Tara as the Hatsy Twins.

karaoke with seth

September 02, 2003

As I sat there reading the manual, I learned that because of it's big internal memory, you can take a succession of pictures superfast. It was only a matter of time I was having Tara see how many faces she could make in four seconds. Ready....GO!

September, 2003

...HOLY SHIT! What's up, three foot flame? Jeeeeez! Ok, and that's about it for September.

the september roundup part two

September, 2003

Thursday night I was walking around taking pictures with my new cam and I got a call from Sarah. We decided to meet up for dinner at Schiller's Liquor Bar near her house. I took a bunch of pictures of her and accidentally managed to take a picture of a ghost. See it there traveling at high speed through the background of the pic? Some people have tried to tell me that it was some sort of light refraction thingy, but if you look carefully you'll see that it starts out moving from left to right and as it gets to the right side of the picture it's in front of the people dining by the window, but behind the guy in the Hawaiian shirt. A simple trick of light couldn't appear between two objects in the background. Anyone else out there have any insight into what exactly this is a picture of? Please email me! (And it's not any type of smoke. There is no smoking allowed in the restaurant)

the september roundup part two

September, 2003

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...she was feeling the tush-flashing vibe.

cake party part four

August 27, 2003

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So check it: This guy's long, braided hair was making Grant all mad. Even though he was standing 10 ft away from the guy Grant was all like "Ew, can you smell it? Can you smell his dirty, braided hair? Ew! I bet it smells!" So I was like, "Why don't you go find out....PUSSY?" So Grant goes over to the guy and I took this great picture of Grant smelling his hair. And then...

two bbqs and karaoke

August 16, 2003

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...egged on by me cracking up, he got all big balls and got really close and starting sniffing all loud. What my camera didn't capture is Grant almost getting handed a braided-beating when right after the above pic was snapped, the guy turned around all quick and almost caught Grant leaning in and sniffing. The guy wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but he was privy to the fact that he had just missed catching Grant doing something behind his back and wasn't very happy with him. Priceless. (Oh, and by the way, what's with his spray-painted shirt? Is this becoming a stupid trend or something?)

two bbqs and karaoke

August 16, 2003

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Here's Fatty telling his amazing story (complete with hand gestures) about a Russian girl he'd met through online dating who was only interested in getting her "rear emmissions checked" (if you know what I'm sayin'). Look at Frank's face, he's totally caught in the middle of saying "Duuuuude."

two bbqs and karaoke

August 16, 2003

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Before David had time to warn him, Grant turned the dial marked "Water Pressure" all the way to the most powerful setting. Check out his priceless expression as his O-ring is almost permanently damaged by a geyser that could give Old Faithful a run for its money.

the nyc power blackout of 2003

August 14, 2003

Why is it that when Grant get's really drunk he always ends up doing color-coordinated dance-duets with strange women?

August 13, 2003

Holy shit, is that a gangsign Pascal's throwing down in the middle? These guys really have been reading my site!

August 13, 2003

That is until he got next to her and forced his alcohol-impaired, little eyes to focus for a second. Actually, forget the dim light, s/he's actually pretty hot regardless of what she may (or may not be) packing downstairs.

August 13, 2003

Death by Glamazon. Sign me up

August 13, 2003

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Big Daddy tearing it up with Huey Lewis' seminal "I Want a New Drug." Homeboy kicked it so hard he needed not one, but two blonde, hula-clad male dancers. Check out that face; the urgency - can't you see how much Big Daddy wants that new drug?

karaoke with brett

August 09, 2003

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...drawing me a unicorn. (I digitally enchanced the drawing to make it easier for you to read the unicorn's "How Gay am I?" speech bubble).

karaoke with brett

August 09, 2003

Here's a video of the kiss. It's a bummer because you have to tilt your head to the left and because you can only see the kiss clearly for one split-second when the flash goes off, but it's still totally worth watching just so you can hear that Sexual Healing by Mr. Marvin Gaye was playing on the jukebox when this all went down. Hahahaha.

my 27th birthday party

August 08, 2003

...tongue kissed a sixty-seven year old woman.

my 27th birthday party

August 08, 2003

...and then the next thing I know, out of the blue, she's giving my bum the old double-handed grab. (I mean, check out her expression, she's making the "ooooooh" face and everything. Bonus points to Grant for catching this shit with the cam).

my 27th birthday party

August 08, 2003

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When Candy and Sarah started all dirty dancing and pointing the fan at themselves (to achieve that true "lesbians in a Whitesnake rock video" effect), I knew it was time to call it a night (before I lost my tiny mind). Happy Birthday, Sarah and Herman! Woooooooo!

August 06, 2003

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And with the spankings out of the way it was time for birthday cake woooo!

August 06, 2003

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Holy best photo EVER! Sarah and Tara ~~munching~~ cutting rug.

August 06, 2003

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Male pole dancing! Wooooooo!

August 06, 2003

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Sid, Candy, Tara and Buddy.

August 06, 2003

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Okay, after you're done drooling over Sarah's ridiculous onion, make sure you direct your eyes north for a look at the priceless expression David's pulling.

boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up

August 06, 2003

So there was this cute teenager working the counter and she took a liking to Fatty, so he asked her if she'd take him on a tour of the place and show him how the donuts here made.

August 01, 2003

Shooter's Bible? First porn and now violence? I thought they were supposed to be a familiy joint.

boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up

August 01, 2003

grant ↗+
book ↗+

I was trying to take a video of us rocking out but took a picture instead and managed to capture us in the midst of some pretty serious MetalFaces (check out Fatty pretending to play kit in the background with his DrummerFAce in full effect. Hahaha).

boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc

August 01, 2003

Afterwards, the three of us stopped into Max Fish for a drink and Tara grabbed Gran'ts luggage (don't worry, that's really just Photoshop too!).

boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc

August 01, 2003

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Seth was kind enough to offer me a sip of his water as a chaser. Only after a I swallowed did I realize his "water" was actually a glass of vodka with just a little bit of ice. A real prince among men, I tell ya.

boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night

August 01, 2003

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After months of getting people to willingly pose with my balls, it was time to try something new: getting unsuspecting people to unknowingly pose with my balls. I discreetly whipped out my bag, and grabbed one of our new friends for a picture. I handed off the cam to Seth who totally shit the bed by not managing to get my balls in the pic. Doh! The rest of the guys in the pic (Check out Grant and Franks' faces) were laughing so hard that the girl in the black shirt was totally confused...

boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night

August 01, 2003

This guy was one of the only people there that fit-in with the rest of the crowd less than we did. I mean, c'mon, homeboy was wearing a leather vest! I went up to him and told him that he bore an uncanny resemblance to my brother-in-law (you know, the guy that married my non-existent sister) and asked if I could take his pic (when all I really wanted was a pic of his leather vest). Anyway, he turned out to be the nicest guy in the world and we ended up hanging out with him the rest of the night (and I got the pic of his leather vest, taboot).

boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach

August 01, 2003

We showed off our "French Faces." What eez zee poin? Ehhh?

August, 2003

Au revoir pour toujours, ma petite tomate!

August, 2003

Out of the four original Indoorvillagers, only the two Andies are left. I know alot of you have probably looked at pics of the apartment, have seen how awesome the place is and have thought that it seems strange that in the past I've had a hard time finding sub-letters.

Well, I figure it's probably easiest to just post this picture of Andy, one of the guys that still lives there, as Grant and I found him on his way to take a shower. Things make sense now? Ok, good.

August, 2003

Look! It's Count Beachula! The friendly, seashell-fanged gay vampire!

August, 2003

...and an acrobatics show.

bidness in los angeles

July 24, 2003

A few weeks prior, I had tried to nuzzle Sarah's boobies while we were cutting rug at P.Diddy's party and she ran away. But this time, sweet, sweet success. Hahahaha.

July 20, 2003

Sarah as beer-bottle unicorn.

July 20, 2003

Ok, this photo's a bit redundant, but I only included it because check out Fatty surreptitiously making faces at his date. Hahahaha.

July 20, 2003

Grant stepped up and repped with the proper form. (Damn, that's good. Knowing him, he's been practicing that in the mirror for years).

siren festival and jess party

July 20, 2003

Speaking of, check out the action photo I managed to capture of some random party guest completely burning off his eyebrows while spitting a huge tikitorch-fuel fireball.

July 19, 2003

fire ↗+

Like three years ago, Vice featured this guy as one of their fashion "Don'ts." (I'm not sure why, maybe it was the sandals?) Anyway, here he is three years later kicking it to two chicks. Hey, if it ain't broke...you know what I'm saying?

siren festival and jess party

July 19, 2003

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...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nice outfits, whoops, I mean outfit, FAGS!

thursday night out (with jesus)

July 18, 2003

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After Amanda had finished singing, Tracy Morgan wandered in from the next room (!!!) and asked Frank if he knew how to play "Let's Get it On" by Al Green. He killed it.

July 11, 2003

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Hahaha.

July 11, 2003

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"Must like sushi, long walks on the beach...oh, and one mo' thing: shouldn't steal my stuff." New York City, I love you so much.

July 11, 2003

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...and then halfway through the song, took that mother over. Check out Tracy (making the Brian Fellows face!) and Shawn looking on in awe! Hahaha.

July 11, 2003

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After he'd finished singing, one of Tracy's friends (Shawn Wayans, I think) came up on stage and the band kicked off a Stevie Wonder tune. Seth ran up and joined them to first provide some backing harmonies...

saturday park dinner at suba and karaoke

July 11, 2003

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Nope, that's not a white, latex bikini top, that's sunburn. Not that sunburned, my ass! Ouchie!

the fourth of july

July 04, 2003

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Copious ammounts of boardwalk junk food lead to one thing...

the fourth of july

July 04, 2003

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Around 5pm-ish, we all took the subway to our respective homes and took a lil' post-beach nap...

the fourth of july

July 04, 2003

Check him out stealthily pressing her hand against his luggage. Smooooth.

the july roundup

July, 2003

...a bunch of hipster-tools, oh sorry, I mean street artists, tag some girl's dress. Yes, seriously. They tagged her fucking dress. And no, this wasn't some performance art-nonsense; this girl, after several minutes of watching these guys she didn't know write on the walls, went over to them and asked them to write and spray paint on her.

the july roundup

July, 2003

Here's a totally random picture of Tara modeling the "bikini" shirt her dad got her. Hahaha.

the july roundup

July, 2003

tara ↗+
shirt ↗+

The pics of Grant and Fatty's entrees were blurry (not to mention not all that intersting) so why don't we move onto dessert. Shall we? Splendid! Here's Grant with his Crema de Limon Y Queso.

June 28, 2003

Me with my grilled skirt steak (served with cumin-spiced fries, string beans, piquillo peppers and tomato chimichurri).

saturday park dinner at suba and karaoke

June 28, 2003

me ↗+
food ↗+

We ended up going halfsies on it which left plenty o' room for the Good Humor robotic ice cream machine on the way out.

move the god-damned shed

June 21, 2003

Besides seeing the Eiffel Tower, the only other thing Tara wanted to do in Vegas was go to the Rainforest Cafe (don't ask me, I'm still trying to figure out why as well). So check it out, we sit down at our table and then I notice there's this lady at the table behind Tara who's wearing a shirt that looks like it has a gold lamé bib built into it. When I pointed her out to Tara (who's from Texas), Tara shrugged and explained to me "Oh, that's just her eatin' shirt."

Later on, when the lady was finished with her meal (all four plates of it) she took off the bib, folded it up (see the fold-marks in it?) pulled out a matching, gold lamé, bib carrying-case, and put her folded-up gold lamé bib into her matching gold lamé bib carrying case, and put it back into her purse. I was shocked into silence. I had been kidding about it being a bib, I just thought it was part of her shirt. Who carries a bib (nevermind a gold lamé bib) around with them? Who? Fucking Vegas. Jesus.

June 15, 2003

I spent most of Monday in meetings for work. Tara spend most of Monday getting incredibly sunburnt at the hotel pool. Ouchie. After meeting up, we set out on the strip to explore some more.

June 15, 2003

We walked down the strip, had a few drinks (can you tell?) On, and you can actually walk around everywhere in Vegas with an open container...WHA? and then we went back to the hotel...but not before Tara fulfilled her life-long dream of seeing the Eiffel Tower. (First Venice, now Paris that I don't have to go to anymore? Man, going to Vegas is like putting money right back into your pocket! Who knew?)

June 15, 2003

..."HUMMER TIME!"

fishing with pappi part 2

June 15, 2003

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After his bluefish, my brother caught a pretty big striped bass (Morone saxatilis).

June 9, 2003

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Fish as art? Oooooh!

fishing with pappi part 2

June 9, 2003

fish ↗+

After Iggy's, Bev and Matt left and Emily and I popped into Pianos, but it was pretty gay so we left. (But not before some hipster kid put his "mesh hat" down on the bar and when he turned around, we swiped it and ran out the door.) We immediately took turns trying it on seeing who...

emily visits nyc

May 29, 2003

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Joanna, Grant's former Nerve intern (and founder of BurningAngel) came down to hang out. She recently started dancing at a Jersey noodie club and is making so much money that after three weeks she was able to buy a new car (which she paid for with a garbage full of money that she brought with her to the dealership). You probably won't realize that I'm not kidding until you see me in three weeks after I'm back from my breast augmentation surgery.

memorial day out in nj

May 26, 2003

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Watch those lil' fingers, Sweetpea!

memorial day out in nj

May 26, 2003

C'mon in a get yer noodie pic taken! Don't worry, it's art!

May 21, 2003

Emma leaned down laughing and put her hair right into a candle that was lit on the table. I was torn between putting it out (which I did) or firing up the cam and getting a pic of her aflame.

May 21, 2003

Special thanks to my main man Matty Matt for keeping the music going all night. (Yo, this kid's been spinning records at our house parties since all the way back in 1997!)

May 21, 2003

Josh, Grant and myself with Jess and her "two friends." (Dennis Crowley said it best in a recent email: "this may be one of the best photos ever snapped with a digicam.")

May 21, 2003

GUN SHOW! After this pic of Nina and I was taken, Josh looked at it and said to Grant, "Whoa, gross. I can't belive you used to hump Brian's sister."

May 21, 2003

Andrew managed to snap off over 40 pics with my cam - but it takes so long to black out all the naughty bits that I've only posted a few here.

May 21, 2003

We were all standing and Spencer instructed us all to simultaneously lie down at the same time in "whatever position we fell into."

May 21, 2003

Some guy, Sarah, me and Jen and Peter (two of my *gasp* co-workers!).

May 21, 2003

Priscilla, Mari, Grant, Xio (and again, bonus points this time to Jim Jazz for his background face).

May 21, 2003

Around midnight the party was in full effect and... (on to Part Two, trust me, it gets good.)

May 21, 2003

...this time he made sure to wear pants that can only be described as "ass-a-liscous!" Grant Stoddard kneels down so he can appreciate it in all its full glory.

May 21, 2003

Hey! Remember The Ass? (If not, you must take immediately take a time out from this entry to go back and read about him. Just click here, don't worry, it'll open into another window for you.) All caught up? Well then you're probably thinking to yourself "Wow Brian, how in the world did The Ass (who's real name is Stevie, I'd like to add) end up at your party?" I'm glad you asked. Most of you know that I work for an online dating company. One of the people who reviews the profiles when they're created came across Stevie's profile and emailed it to my attention. I emailed Stevie through the personals and sent him a link the aforementioned diary entry (when I dragged him out of Lombardi's to photograph his ass). He thought the pics were hilarious so I invited him to the party. And he came! AND..

May 21, 2003

Bwa-haha.

May 19, 2003

And I saved the best for last...check out the ghetto pyrotechnics! That's right, they took sparklers and scotch-taped them to the ceiling for the big "Wanted Dead or Alive" Bon Jovi hair-metal finale!

May 19, 2003

What, you don't believe me? See those two smoking hot, blonde hula girls? Yeah, that's right! They got so hot and bothered by my karaoke jam that right after i was done singing they took me in the bathroom and I totally got down with both of them! So who's gay now, huh? Huh?

May 19, 2003

Look! Sometimes there's even the occasional celebrity. That's Peter Reigert (he played "Boon" in Animal House, remember), up on stage to sing "Shout." (He was there because it was the wrap-party for a movie he'd just finished directing. Beverly D'Angelo [aka - Ellen Griswold *swoon*] was in the movie too and I was hoping that I'd get to dedicate a karaoke jam just for her, but she was a no-show. Bah.)

May 19, 2003

You know what baby's got...

May 19, 2003

On Monday, May 19th at 12:14am history was made as Sarah Lewitinn (of "Ultragrrrl" fame) finally drank enough to climb up on stage and pop her sweet, virgin karaoke cherry! She was a lil' shy at first...