Siege gave us all awesome, limited-edition signed prints! Fatty got this portrait of himself (that was an out-take from Fiasco's first band photo shoot that Siege did).
The funniest part of the night is when I sat down to look something up on Fatty's computer and when I typed in the letters "G" and "I," Fatty's Google history totally sold him out and revealed one of his previous Google searches: "gifts for guys that like guitars with babies" that was clearly from when he used Google to try to figure out what to get his little brother for the holidays. This is fucking priceless and I still laugh every time I see it.
...THIS AMAZING PHOTO! Hahahaha. Holy shit, this pic makes me LOL every time I see it. (Bonus points for the chopsticks standing in as a spear to the ribs!)
That's when we found this gem! Fatty's driver's license from the late, hair-metal 80s. This is back when he was in a band called, and I swear I'm not making this up, Nasty Magic!!!
So it's right after Christmas, and I'd just gotten back in town and after getting settled in, I decided to head out late at night and say hi to some friends. I got to the Darkroom around 3am and right after I'd arrived, look who shows up? Asian Porno Lady! I called her over and asked her to show me some of her "racier" titles. As I was going through the stack of various pirated titles, I came across this one, entitled "The Horse Fucker", and knew she'd just found a new customer. Cha-ching!
Later Sunday night, me, Meredith, John, Ellen and Leigh all shared a cab to go Smith's night. In order to sneak all five of us into the same cab, Leigh had to lay down on everybody's lap and hide from the driver. Here's the sneaky "Look! Four people in the backseat!" photo I took from the front seat. Hahah.
On Wednesday night I hung out with Leigh and she showed off some neat new dress she'd modified by turning the neck-strap into some cool, Motley Crue-looking satanic star. While this is a decidely non-ugly photo, Leigh will make up for that later.
...being an Elite model! Look! It's her model card! This is probably only really funny if you've ever met Ellen (because, for better or worse, everyone has some negative stereotypes about what it means to be "a model" and Ellen lives up to none of them).
On Wednesday night I went to a party at the WiRED store and ended up totally getting sucked into playing two solid hours of MINDBALL. You put on a headband that measures your brainwaves and use it to move the ball towards your opponent. Whomever's able to relax the most wins! Sooo fun! If you've got $22,000 to spare, this would make a great gift!
Grant was so distracted, that he eventually just ended up inviting the guy up on stage. Things got even weirder when he produced a Minnie Mouse hand puppet from out of thin air.
Check out Jessica totally blowin up her best friend's spot by pulling the ol' "get a load of her navel tattoo" finger-point. Hahaha. This photo makes me LOL every single time I look at it. Holy shit, what a great photo. This is exactly the type of thing my guy friends do in photos when they're trying to blow up someone's spot, so it's soooo funny to see two girls that are besties pull this same shit. Hahahaha.
I ended up meeting up with Mikie (who used to live in Japan but has since moved to NYC) and we all left the party to go dancing at MisShapes. Mikie ended up bringing some douchetard along with her from the party who refused to take off his blue-tinted aviator glasses.
Scott Ian from Anthrax!!! First Emilie's boyfriend turns out to be in NIN, and then I end up at a party with Scott Ian??? It's like all the wishes I made back in 1987 finally came true! (Now if I could only get a handjob from Samantha Foxx....)
I figured that Greg would've joined in with Leigh and Geo and stuck with the Moulin Rouge theme, but he opted to dress like that creepy Peter Pan guy instead! Hahaha. (And Alexis was dressed up as Donatella Versace!!! Holy, Bonersville! Hahaha).
An hour or two later, we figured that Misshapes had probably cleared out a bit and decided to head back across the street to check it out. As I was crossing the street, Tinny spotted us all coming out of Movida ("TRAITORS!!!!") and attacked!
Here's a pic (stolen from Dens!) of us on the coaster! This was the ride where Dennis discovered he wasn't a huge fan of roller coasters! (The three of us all have our arms in the air and he's holding on for dear life).
As long time readers of this site know, I have a ton of bizarro-lookalikes: but the one that cracks my friends up the most, is the fact that I look quite a bit like Ellen DeGeneres. I was watching her comedy special and paused and thought I'd captured quite a likeness so I took this pic to immortalize it. Hahah.
As we were nearing the Bay Area, there were all of these crazy-colored bodies of water. I'm hoping it's not pollution, but whatever was causing it, it sure was pretty!
And this one's even better! Leigh opened her mouth again to pretend that she was going to eat Piper's head and Piper put her tiny little puppy-paws right in Leigh's mouth. (Go ahead and say "Awwwww!" out loud. You know you want to).
After brunch, Niki found my one of my "secret" books (check out the book's title and Niki's school-teacher expression and try to not laugh) and read excerpts of it out loud to Karen and Kim...
Then Leigh came out to say hi to Piper and kept saying "You're head is so cute and tiny I want to bite it off!" (Look at Piper's expression all like "Yo! WTF?").
The best part about Ming Dynasty is that they're always having to change their "eating policies" because all-you-can-eat places attract really fat people who go there because they want to make sure they get "their money's worth." Check out how they had to amend the sign to reduce the maximum stay down to two hours. Think about that. That means that at some point, enough people would show up, eat, then hang out for like 3 or 4 hours until they were hungry, and then eat again! That's why they had to update this sign!! Incredible!
On Sunday a whole buncha us when to brunch at Kate's and we all fawned over Ellen's brand new chiuaua puppy named Piper that she snuck into the restaurant. Here's Leigh about to chomp her tiny lil' puppy ear off.
All the walls were glass so you could totally lean your head against them and feel like you were going to fall just like that scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
I tried my hand at one of those "grabby claw" machines trying to win this awesomely-racist rubber statue of a Chinaman (or woman!) sitting on a toilet that says "Oh! Feel so Good! So Relax!" Sadly, I couldn't manage to hook it with the claw. (Despite my numerous attempts).
You sign up for a song and then when it's your turn to sing, the microphone cord can be slid down this guided-track type thingy to make sure it can reach any seat! It was incredible!
And the best part? You're on a bus and you have a CAPTIVE AUDIENCE! When you sing karaoke at a bar, you have to weigh what you want to sing against what the crowd is likely to tolerate. If you pick a horrible song, everyone will simply go outside and smoke until your song is over. But on a bus, there's no escape. So if you want to sing Believe by Cher (Yes Sean, I'm looking in your direction) there's nothing anybody can do but listen. Hahah.
...the rest of the outfit that Josh had picked out for her! He admonished Leigh for looking to happy and reminded her that she needed to work on her "fly video ho" face.
Later on, I got everybody to get up and do a jump take for my camera. They got it perfect on the first try. Every time I'm having a crappy day, I can look at this pick and it will instantly make me laugh my ass off. Everybody is pulling great faces too (click here for hi-rez version). But the very best thing about this photo is...
Hahahahaha. So here you go everyone, please welcome Baron! Drinking a frosty brew, foot through a hula hoop and a trucker-hat on his penis. (PS - I love the way the lens is flaring off of the mirror in the background making it look like Tinkerbell is sitting on his beer-swilling, penis-hat-holding shoulder!)
...or the fact that he was accompanied to the park by an actual woman. Seen here hiding her face. Which I'm sure is only because of the sun. (What, you mean you'd be embarrassed to have a parrot on your ass?)
Sunday Morning Brunch Club at Kate's Joint! Holy shit, remember when we used to do this pretty much EVERY SUNDAY? Clockwise from Left: Sarah, Meredith, Elhaam, Rob Hitt, Brandon, Josh, Ellen, Karen and Leigh!
