You know, life's funny: One minute you're riding high at a fancy-smancy club in the West Village and dancing with a hot chick. And then just 10 minutes later...
Grant was sweating this chick for awhile, so after he finished his ridicu-normous-sized drink he mustered up enough liquid courage to go up and start dancing with her.
Okay, so check this out: We're back in Manhattan and we're walking down Houston towards my place and this woman is talking on her cellphone and walking towards us. She gets like 8 feet from us and we both suddenly hear this huge fart and as she passes us she says to her friend on the phone "Oh shit, I think these white boys just heard me fart!" and starts laughing. So we chased her down the street and asked her if she'd pose for a pic! In this pic, Doug and I are yelling "Ohhhhhh!" while she's telling her friend on the phone "Oh shit! Oh shit! The white boys that heard me farting is taking my picture and shit! They're taking my picture!" Soooo funny.
Four drinks later and (many hours later) and Grant finds himself locking lips with yet another "beaut." (The only thing funnier than this pic is Grant's reaction when I showed it to him days later...he didn't even remember being at this bar, nevermind the girl.).
And ended up running into the girl that David Forman totally made out with at the last Cake party (coming soon). No not that one, the one in red. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
...this guy! Hahaha! All these pics were taken at the Greenwich, CT Hilton and as the night wore on, all of the random people that were just there drinking and hanging out started mingling with us wedding folk.
Grant poses with what can only be described as the Prom Queen. (Ba-dum-dum Cha! Thank You! Thank you! I'll be here all weekend! Don't forget to tip your waitresses...)
Do me a favor: take your cursor, move it over the pic up above, click the right-hand mouse button and view the photos' "Properties." Do you see what it says? Yeah, it says "001.jpg," which means that it's the first picture of the evening. We're at the party for less than two minutes and a girl walks up to David, points at her friend and says, "Hi, my friend thinks you're cute. Will you make out with her while I take your picture."
Scott almost ended up getting in a fist fight with this guy, but then after the live band that was there played a few songs by The Dead, everyone mellowed out (yeah, maaaaan...play "Box of Rain") and they ended up buying each other shots...
Check out the tan lines and the New England Patriots Superbowl Champions Sweatshirt (Size: XL), even if Russ wasn't about to lick the tattoo of a rose on her tit, this would still be an incredible photo.
Look at that smile, think Russ has had a few? Brave soul that he is, he starts chatting up her friend too. "Why yes, you're legs are smooth." Priceless.
Hulk Hogan's (not so) Little Sister. Jesus Christ, look at that fucking forearm! We would've been laughing hysterically if we weren't so scared that she was going to grab hold of one of our heads and crack it open like a walnut with her bare (man)hands.
And then the next thing you know...the bar starts heating up too. Russ goes up to get the next round and starts getting chatted up by some hot, local blonde (bonus points to Amy for giving the old "who does this guy think he is?" face). So we're all yelling over to Russ to bring over his new lady friend and introduce her. Little did we know that she was....
We showed up around 9pm and everyone there had pretty much been drinking all day...so instead of enjoying lovely conversation with new people, we just decided to fuck with the guests that had passed out. Here's Grant posing with our new buddy.
So after we took the first few pictures, we went around the party and started showing them to people just to see what their reactions would be...turns out, most people wanted to also pose with our passed out buddy (Except for the guy's close friends, they didn't want to be in the pictures, they just gave us the guy's email so we could mail him the pics a few days later...which I did).
No stranger to whipping out my own bag, I handed over the camera and teamed up with Grant for this amazing photo. (Look at our faces!!! nd bonus points to me for actually resting my nuts on the guys chair.)
Check this shit out...these three girls were part of a bachelorette party and they were going around asking if anyone had a condom...because their friend was getting married in a few days and she needed to "Get fucked one last time." Her friends informed us that they needed a condom because they didn't have one and "You know, she's not going to fuck some stranger right before her wedding without a condom 'cus that would be wrong." Luckily Vinnie Delpino (Doogie Howser's best friend) came through with a rubber at the last minute!
Hahahah. Meanwhile, on the other side of the parking lot, Cousin Steve is trying to make time with 3 lovely EnJay ladies who all easily have 10+ years on him. He's all asking if he can go home with them and one of them goes "How old are you anyway, sixteen?"
See that girl in the purple tank top? I asked her what kind of beads she was wearing and she told me they were Mardi Gras beads, so I started chanting "Show Yer Tits! Show Yer Tits!" Which she did, but my camera went off too early. Sorry, I got excited! (PS - Look at Kenny lending a "helping hand" in lifting up her shirt)
No, we're not suddenly in Texas! These guys just all decided to wear matching, oversized, foam cowboy hats while drinking...and in Jersey, THAT'S JUST FINE. I'm not sure if they realized that I asked them to pose for this photo because I was laughing at them, or whether they were just so drunk they didn't care.
When Kenny's not working (at his job where he impersonates "Doug" from "King of Queens"), he's busying wooing the beautiful (and tan, did I say tan?) ladies of the Jizzersey Shizzore.
Hey, it's not really a night of jerseyshoredrinking unless somebody tries to kick YOUR FUCKING FAGGOT ASS!!! This guy proudly displays his ripped shirt. (Bonus points to his friend for making that face. Ha!).
This is a funny pic of Stefan shaking hands with some strange girl who was flirting with him. Take a closer look, do you see something funnier? How about Brian Chambers full-on, lying down passed out on the seat! Do you know what's funnier than that?
Okay, question for you: How the fuck did we not get thrown out of the bar??? I'm standing on one of the booths, screaming and doing a David Lee Roth kick while both Martin and Jessica get ready to touch my package. This is at like 10pm on a Wednesday!?! (Also, look over to the left of me...aren't those the same two girls from before making out? It's an hour and a half later and they're still going at it).
Hey Buddy, before you start on your second slice, you might want to finish eating the HUGE CRUMB stuck to your cheek that's left over from your first slice! Hahah.
The party was pretty much a bust - it was totally overcrowded and hot and sweaty inside, so we took off. Back on Bedford Ave, we ran into this tall funny guy who kept trying to chat up this really drunk little midgety type guy. I'm sure everyone who reads this knows how much I love midgets, so we immediately went over to see what was going on.
David has bigger balls than anyone you know. Right after this pic was taken, he looked at the pic on the digicam, saw there was a cute girl who had just left them bar, so he goes running down the street to get her number.
So after SPEL was done, Vin, Josh and myself headed downtown to go to our friend Jen's friend's birthday. Here's the lovely Mercedes..."Surprise! You don't know us!
If Vin ever asks to see my camera, chances are it's because there's girl who either has her panties showing or just has a dope-ass badonkadonk butt...and either way, Vin's going to make sure he gets a picture of it.
So I'm talking in the corner with one of Melissa's friends and all of a sudden I look over and see Vin chatting this bird up wit da quickness. I thought he had something cooking...
