Next thing we knew we had a new best friend. (A best friend who, incidentally, liked to lift up his shirt and smack his belly loudly and repeatedly after each drink). Pauly can't believe it!
It was afterhours at this point, but since it was a real quiet night, the bartender told us we could hang for a bit and he locked the place up. This guy was the only other place in the bar so we agreed to play some Big Buck together.
While we were all standing outside playing with Piper, I noticed that there was a really, really drunk girl sitting up against the building and teetering back and forth. Sensing something magical was about to happen, I made sure to keep my finger on the shutter button. Sure enough, a few minutes later....wait for it....wait for it....
...BAAAAAAAAARF! I managed to catch the impact but was a few seconds too late to catch the actual vom-stream coming out of her mouth. (I guess I'm slipping!).
This kid was wasted. He went to sit down in this chair and just totally and completely missed. He landed flat on his tailbone and decided to just stay down. Ouch.
The guy in the black leather jacket was pretty much the drunkest ambulatory person I've ever seen in my life. All throughout the show he wove his way in and out of the audience, jumping around, spilling drinks and either routing for or heckling the band. (He was so drunk it wasn't clear what he was yelling. Just that he was very enthusiastic about whatever it was he was yelling.)
I decided to try to instigate and was like "Hey Mike, you should give your new friend a kiss!" Check him all ballsy bringing the "fuck you" finger out right in front of her face (also make sure to note how my hand is all smooshing his neck as I'm actually trying to get him to kiss her). Hahahah.
a loud, drunk asian girls in a straw party hat showed up and helped liven things up! Fuck yeah! When this girl cornered Mike D. on the stairs he was all like "Hey, this is my friend Brian! He should take some pics of us together!" Then Mike D. raised the bar from the "get a load of this guy" face and went straight for the "serruptitious fuck you fingerpiont." Classy!
After Leigh was done interrogating this girl's friend to make sure he really knew her and this wasn't a rohypnol date rape gone awry, we left our sleeping princess in his good hands.
...clearly the LBJ (that's the Little Baby Jesus to you) had heard our prayers and made this drunk girl pass out on the pavement right outside of the party so we could document my last evening in town with some apropo fanfare! (Thanks for looking out for us, Big Guy).
Neil (who, just so you know, is the current Nugget
Eating Champ of the World) leans in to check out to what degree
the guy is passed out. Verdict: Out Fucking Cold.
Ok, ok. I'm sure all of you have probably seen all these
photos already either on the Misshapes site or back when
it appeared in Vice,
but for any of you who may not have see it, here's the story:
I was texting with Dennis
Crowley's little
brother Jonathan on Saturday night
and I invited him and his buddy Neil to Misshapes. They showed
up late night and after vetoing the too-packed dance floor
upstairs, we decided to hang in the back room downstairs
where we discovered this sleeping prince.
After screaming along incoherently into an extra mic during the first half of this couple's duet, homeboy in the green shirt finally managed to wrangle away Shef's mic and hide it on him. Unfazed, Shef decided to make up for his lack of mic by just singing even louder for the remainder of their song.
The guy was so drunk he couldn't even tell us his name. Sarah thought he was cute and kept suggesting that she take him back to her place. Hahahaha. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!
In the end, I ended up fishing his wallet out of his pants and looking up his name and address (if memory serves correctly, I think his name was Brice or something like that). Here's Tinny holding his phone to his ear as we took turns calling people in his phone trying to get someone who knew him to confirm his address so we could put him in a cab. (In the end, we were never able to confirm where he lived so we sat him down outside with a bottle of water and went back inside. When I came out an hour later, he was passed out and had pissed his pants and we ended up calling the cops who sent an ambulance for him. Doh!) Anybody know who this guy is?
Later that evening, I was standing next to the DJ booth chatting with Sarah when all of a sudden a guy standing next to me full-on passed out while standing up and went down like a bag o' bricks. The bouncer summoned me to help him carry the guy outside and somewhere in the process of trying to lift him up, his pants came down exposing...
That little puddle you see isn't puke, it's actually just saliva (ok, maybe a little puke). This kid was putting his whole frigging hand down his throat and nothing was coming up. If he ever decides to give up his career as a binge drinker, there's clearly a place for him in gay porn.
When I went outside to look for Vin, I ran into these two guys (I forget their names, but I have an email from him somewhere that I can dig up and I'll put them in there when I find it). The guy on the right was really drunk and said that he needed to throw up, but couldn't. I suggested he try putting his fingers down his throat and "pull his trigger." He was like "Ok, I'll try it. Get your camera ready." (Like I needed to be told, right?)
As people started passing out all around us, we decided it was probalby best to pack it up and call it a night. We'd made it through the night without anyone even trying to pick a fight and figured it'd be best to quit while we were ahead.
So it was around this time that we noticed these two (aka - "The Greatest Couple in the World."). He was completely shit-hammered; to the point where his head was all bobbing around like we was on a fucking wagonride on a cobblestone street. And she (as if her matching aqua skirt-outfit wasn't enough) had the biggest belly button jewelry thing I've ever seen. I mean look at that thing - it's like the J-Lo engagement ring of bellybuttons. Anyway, she was really drunk and kept heckling people in between songs, yelling that it was her turn already....we'll get back to these guys later.
While we were standing around shooting the shit with Tracy, all of a sudden this girl busted out onto the dance floor with the strap from her giant "fashion purse" pulled over her face and just started freaking the fuck out. After watching her do her thing (maybe it was performance art?) for a few minutes, we decided it was time to head out.
What sums up how the world feels about boner-guy better than my man's face in the yellow shirt? Exactly. (By the way, check out his fucking shiny, tinfoil-looking shirt. A-hole.)
Four drinks later and (many hours later) and Grant finds himself locking lips with yet another "beaut." (The only thing funnier than this pic is Grant's reaction when I showed it to him days later...he didn't even remember being at this bar, nevermind the girl.).
Scott almost ended up getting in a fist fight with this guy, but then after the live band that was there played a few songs by The Dead, everyone mellowed out (yeah, maaaaan...play "Box of Rain") and they ended up buying each other shots...
Check out the tan lines and the New England Patriots Superbowl Champions Sweatshirt (Size: XL), even if Russ wasn't about to lick the tattoo of a rose on her tit, this would still be an incredible photo.
Look at that smile, think Russ has had a few? Brave soul that he is, he starts chatting up her friend too. "Why yes, you're legs are smooth." Priceless.
We showed up around 9pm and everyone there had pretty much been drinking all day...so instead of enjoying lovely conversation with new people, we just decided to fuck with the guests that had passed out. Here's Grant posing with our new buddy.
So after we took the first few pictures, we went around the party and started showing them to people just to see what their reactions would be...turns out, most people wanted to also pose with our passed out buddy (Except for the guy's close friends, they didn't want to be in the pictures, they just gave us the guy's email so we could mail him the pics a few days later...which I did).
No stranger to whipping out my own bag, I handed over the camera and teamed up with Grant for this amazing photo. (Look at our faces!!! nd bonus points to me for actually resting my nuts on the guys chair.)
See that girl in the purple tank top? I asked her what kind of beads she was wearing and she told me they were Mardi Gras beads, so I started chanting "Show Yer Tits! Show Yer Tits!" Which she did, but my camera went off too early. Sorry, I got excited! (PS - Look at Kenny lending a "helping hand" in lifting up her shirt)
When Kenny's not working (at his job where he impersonates "Doug" from "King of Queens"), he's busying wooing the beautiful (and tan, did I say tan?) ladies of the Jizzersey Shizzore.
Hey, it's not really a night of jerseyshoredrinking unless somebody tries to kick YOUR FUCKING FAGGOT ASS!!! This guy proudly displays his ripped shirt. (Bonus points to his friend for making that face. Ha!).
Hey Buddy, before you start on your second slice, you might want to finish eating the HUGE CRUMB stuck to your cheek that's left over from your first slice! Hahah.
I ran over to them and kept trying to flatter one of the drunk ladies into letting me take her picture. I kept telling her "C'mon, it'll be so pretty." This photo is the result of me chasing her around and trying to get her in the frame. (Note my eye on the left). She was dying to dig into her freshly bought 16oz Bud Pounder (with a straw, no less. ROCK!)
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