fatty + grant

December 18, 2003

japanese food ↗+

...and in no time the scary, back-country logger/cowboy sex advice was flowing like tobacco spit.

December 18, 2003

The questions!

December 18, 2003

bar ↗+
beer ↗+

Here's Grant nursing a couple of beers as he got up the courage to ask some of the burly men for their best tips on how to get women to have anal sex, etc.

December 18, 2003

One of the ranch hands was kind enough to give our saddle-sore cityslicker asses a lift back from the stable to the house (saving us the embarrasment of a bowlegged walk of pain home).

December 18, 2003

Homeward bound.

December 18, 2003

horse ↗+

Fatty opening the gate next to the hoofguard on the ride back home.

December 18, 2003

horse ↗+

Okay, I'm running out of things to say in these captions so just relax and enjoy the pics.

December 18, 2003

horse ↗+

Hahah.

December 18, 2003

best ↗+
horse ↗+

Grant in the sun.

December 18, 2003

horse ↗+

Grant holding my horse for me while I dismounted to open the gate next to the hoof guard so that we could move on to a different area of the ranch.

December 18, 2003

Heading towards the open trails.

December 18, 2003

horse ↗+

Grant and the Fatty on theirs. Now, one thing to keep in mind - the horses we were riding weren't wimpy petting zoo horses that have been ridden by hundreds of people. These horses were broken, but don't get ridden all that often - and when they do get ridden, they're ridden by real cowboys who know how to handle them. So in the beginning, we each had to spend quite a bit of time with our horses pretending like we knew how to act like we were in charge.

December 18, 2003

...and here's the Fatty and Grant.

trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork

December 18, 2003

sunglasses ↗+

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Grant and Fatty.

December 15, 2003

bear ↗+

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We got to North Fork and met up with Fatty and Grant's good friend Aaron Schmidt who had driven up from San Diego to visit with his boys. We dropped our stuff off at the ranch house and by the time we'd driven back into town (around 10pm, mind you) the only place open that was serving food was McDonalds (where the heat wasn't working). Here's us with Aaron "Double A" Schmidt eating and freezing.

trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork

December 15, 2003

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After a restful night of sleep at Uncle Ira's, we woke on Monday to do some quick exploring of San Fran before starting the four and a half hour drive out to the ranch in North Fork.

trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork

December 15, 2003

After getting settled in at Uncle Ira's, we all headed to downtown SF to meet up with some friends (my friend Alysha, Jamie Waxman, who we know from NYC, and one of Jordana's good friends from school) and have some Thai food.

trip to cali part two: la to san francisco

December 13, 2003

At first you thought that this photo was repetitive and not worth including...and then you looked again and noticed Fatty's ridiculous expression in the background and suddenly everything made sense.

November 07, 2003

Haase, while Grant and the Fatty do their best impersonations of the shaved headed wunderkind. HA ha ha ha.

November 07, 2003

Hahahaha.

November 07, 2003

John Craven, Fatty, Chris and myself met up with Grant for a lil' birthday dinner at Cafe Gitane in Soho.

November 07, 2003

As you can tell by his face in this photo, Grant knew something was up. Emma and Lo called as planned, but dinner was taking too long. As I kept trying to rush things along, Grant kept saying things like "Why the rush? Why are we in such a hurry?" All smarmy-like.

November 07, 2003

Is it just me or does Fatty look like a ten year-old wearing Gene Wilder's Mr. Wonka wig from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

November 07, 2003

With one final pic of the fantasic four, we said goodbye to Grant (who was staying behind in London for another couple of days) and....

November 01, 2003

chris a ↗+
me ↗+

But not before gratuitious man-hugs were administered by the Fatty.

November 01, 2003

hug ↗+

Shuttlebus from the rental car drop-off to the terminal.

November 01, 2003

Saturday morning we woke up, double checked our packed bags, thanked Grant's parents for their hospitality, and hit the road for Heathrow.

european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!

November 01, 2003

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Saturday, Chris was in town and the four of us got together for brunch at 9th Street Market to reminisce about our recent hijinx in Europe.

the november roundup

November, 2003

chris a ↗+
me ↗+

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On Wednesday Grant came back from London (he stayed behind to hang with his parents after our vacation ended, remember?) and was going to be in NYC for a few days (one of which we threw him a surprise party) before heading back to Los Angeles to do some final work oh his television pilot (nope, so not kidding). That night Fatty, (the rarely photographed) Michael Martin and myself all met up with Grant at the nearby Congee Village for some tasty dinner.

the november roundup

November, 2003

On the way home, we stopped for a little McDonalds drive thru action.

October 31, 2003

We posed for one last group photo before all going our separate ways. Let's hear it for Halloween 2003. Wooooo!

european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!

October 31, 2003

Here's Steve, Charlene, Chris, Dani, Grant and the Fatty out on near the dancefloor and visibly liquored up at this point.

european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!

October 31, 2003

Awww, yeah - check tha setup! Awwww, look how cute Grant's mom is all displaying the food with the boys. (And be forewarned, anybody making remarks about Moms in the comments section will be promptly banned. In the words, of the Wise Fatty, "Dat shit ain' coo'!")

October 31, 2003

And then we drove back towards Corringham to the White Lion Pub in Fobbing to meet up Grant's dad and...

October 31, 2003

After spending too much money at the arcade (those pound coins certainly aren't US quarters) we went the the nearby "Under the Arches" restaurant and got our fish and chips (Because it's just not a shore experience until you've had something deep-fried).

October 31, 2003

food ↗+

....ARCADE TIME! (Look at Grant and Chris peeking out in the background. Hahaha).

October 31, 2003

After a long-ass day of traveling and layovers, we landed in Heathrow a little past 11pm local time.

October 30, 2003

chris a ↗+

After a few England-bound hours in the air, it was time for ANOTHER MEAL! Wooooo! Who loves airline food more than us?

October 30, 2003

...we arrived safely and without incident (save a slight yelling match between Grant and the rest of the passengers in the car who politely asked him if he would "SLOW THE FUCK DOWN SO DON'T HYDROPLANE OFF THE ROAD AND DIE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!") at Grant's parent's home and celebrated with some stiff drinks...

October 30, 2003

Check it out: both Grant and Fatty are "handling their luggage."

October 30, 2003

We bid our lovely condo a fond farewell and piled into our sweet, lil' rental one last time.

October 30, 2003

Once in the airport, we grabbed a quick slice...

October 30, 2003

With a fistfulla cone, we bid a last fond-farewell to Rethymnon.

October 29, 2003

Back at the condo after dinner, Fatty managed to get off a fairly decent braining while Grant took a nap. He was about to lean in closer, but Grant woke up (This kid's so high-strung a mouse fart'd wake him up).

October 29, 2003

Hahahah.

October 29, 2003

me ↗+
food ↗+

Fatty and Grant.

October 29, 2003

helmet ↗+

...I claimed I wanted to get a picture of these three on their way down, but it was really just my sneaky was of getting them to go first in case there were any ScoobyDoo-esque villians waiting below.

October 29, 2003

Fatty, Grant and Chris.

european vacation part 16: scootering again.

October 29, 2003

chris a ↗+

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The four of us read this truly amazing story and reflected upon it for a few minutes...

October 29, 2003

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The backroad route we took was amazing. There were all these tiny towns that with the exception of cars and electricty, seemed otherwise untouched by the 20th century. Check out the donkeys saddled with bags in the background.

european vacation part 16: scootering again.

October 29, 2003

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We saddled back up on our HOGGZ and hit the road. We only managed to get about 1/4 mile when Grant, who was leading the pack, slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road hysterically laughing and pointing...

european vacation part 16: scootering again.

October 29, 2003

The pics above are sorta funny - but they do not, in ANY WAY, compare to the video. If you don't have Windows Media Player installed, this is the REASON to install it. For seriously.

October 28, 2003

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Seasoned veterans at this point in the trip, we even managed to drink our raki without so much as a grimmace. Opa! Opa!

October 28, 2003

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After he got his laughter a bit under control, we went into the kitchen to get a chair to stand on...

October 28, 2003

brained ↗+

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Here's Grant's first attempt. Not even close. And he was laughing so hard that we was afraid he was going to wake Dave up.

October 28, 2003

brained ↗+

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If you look closely, you can just barely see Grant peeking out between me and Fatty.

October 28, 2003

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"Yep, you're right Brian. You totally do need to cut off your silly, hippy hair."

October 28, 2003

me ↗+
camera ↗+

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...which allowed him to lean in and totally win the "who can get their nuts closest to Fatty's face" contest. Holy shit. Bravo, Grant. Bravo.

October 28, 2003

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Then back near the car, we goofed off and took some pictures of us on the sea wall.

October 28, 2003

me ↗+
ocean ↗+

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We drove back into downtown Rethymnon, parked the car, and headed back over to...

October 28, 2003

me ↗+
tymber ↗+

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...of Grant giving Fatty one of the best "Wedgie Sneak Attacks" ever captured on film. AWESOME. Less awesome is the fact that I didn't manage to capture the clobbering swing he administered to Grant's leg as he painfully reacted to the friction of a yard's-worth of fabric being zipped through his ass crack.

October 28, 2003

Here's Fatty, Grant and Chris upon arrival - quasi-drunk from dinner and already in awe of the stupid amounts of hot Greek women. (Make sure to look at all three of their priceless expressions).

October 27, 2003

chris a ↗+

Looky, looky! What's going on here in this picture? After Grant was done giving her the "See, aren't we fun guys?" photo review, she quickly cozied up to tha Grizza.

October 27, 2003

Throwing down for the cam.

October 27, 2003

Meanwhile, back at home base, Grant seemed to be making serious flirty headway with the lovely Tymber.

October 27, 2003

Yaaaaay, Amstel.

October 27, 2003

It was getting pretty late and Shelby, Tymber's roommate, seemed like she was tired and getting ready to go home. Grant sensing that Shelby was going to try to get Tymber to leave early with her, tried to get Shelby in the mix out on the dance floor in hopes that she'd stay a little longer. Check out the Fatty peeping Grant's crafty "Hey, now let's ALL dance together!" move from the sidelines. Smoooooooooth! Hahaha.

european vacation part 13: steak dinner.

October 27, 2003

With the leather-panted Gunther giving us the stinkeye from across the table we took a view pictures more pics without her in the background to try to throw him off our perv trail. By the way, ever notice how stuff like Coke, ketchup and McDonalds always taste not-so-great overseas? Well with beer, it works the other way around. The beer we are drinking is Amstel. (not Amstel light, regular Amstel) Maybe it was the crisp sea breeze or the abundance of badobnkadonk butts out there but it was hands down one of the best beers I've ever had.

October 27, 2003

And then a group shot. HA HA HA HA. Notice in the background you can see the chick's equally-attractive German boyfriend totally catching on to what we were up too. Das gig ist up, ja?

european vacation part 13: steak dinner.

October 27, 2003

The camera never lies. That's why the picture is blurred. But turn down a complimentary digestif in Greece and you might get your ass handed to you along with the check. Looks like we have some shots to drink. Oh well, here's to minimal liver damage.

european vacation part 13: steak dinner.

October 27, 2003

Which was followed, of course, by more raki. Being Americans (which are somewhat of a novelty to the locals as far as foreigners go) and adding that we had a member of our party that spoke fluent Greek, we were brought complimentary raki at the conclusion of pretty much every meal we ate. And because it's being offered gratis, it's considered an insult to not drink it. Fatty's face in this pic sums up how we were beginning to feel about having to do shots at the end of every meal.

October 27, 2003

raki ↗+
shots ↗+

Aw, yeah. Let's hear it for culture.

October 27, 2003

We lament not checking with the dancing piranha people before scheduling our trip.

October 27, 2003

me ↗+

What we really wanted to see was the labyrinth, a torture chamber or even an honest-to-goodness Minotaur. (half-man half bull)

October 27, 2003

metal ↗+

Where we proceeded to throw down group beach coldlamps, awww yeah. Check out all the rocks on the beach. The waves there made the craziest sound. Each time the water washed out back towards to ocean, it would drag all of the smaller rocks across the larger rocks on the bottom and make this bizarre, underwater rumbling noise. After a quick swim, we laid down to dry off in the sun and were all quickly lulled to sleep by the sound of the water.

October 26, 2003

Here's us bright and early out on our front porch enjoying a breakfast of Greek yogurt and granola. Mmmmmmmm. (ps - what's up, busted dudes in the morning?)

October 26, 2003

Grant and The Fatty.

October 26, 2003

Seriously, what's better than lunch in Crete? Check out the apps: Two Greek salads, Spanakopita (flaky Greek phyllo dough filled with spinach and feta), and tzatziki (which is yogurt with olive oil, dill and more garlic that you've ever tasted in anything before ever). Soooooo fucking tasty. Holy shit, I almost just drooled on myself captioning this picture.

european vacation part 9: dinner with kostas vallassos.

October 26, 2003

crete ↗+
food ↗+

Thanks, Kostas!

October 25, 2003

Hungry boys.

european vacation part 9: dinner with kostas vallassos.

October 25, 2003

...he brought out more white wine. Amidst all the merriment (shit-talking and recalled moments of scooter-glory), we suddenly realized that we were all completely shit-hammered. When we (slurringly) asked him, "Kostassssch, why are we schooooo drunk?" He explained that the local wines contained approximately 14% alcohol. (Which explains why these pics are starting to get as blurry as our vision was).

european vacation part 9: dinner with kostas vallassos.

October 25, 2003

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How tough is the Fatty in this pic? See that drop off behind Fatty in the pic? That's actually a steep road that leads down to this little tiny part of the penninsula that goes out into the water. We drove down to explore and take a closer look.

October 25, 2003

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Like I mentioned earlier, tourist season had just recently ended, so the place we went to was staffed by only one little old lady. She took our order and then cooked all four of our significant breakfasts all by her little old self. Which was almost as impressive as it was time consuming. Here's a pre-coffee, "cranky n' hungry" portrait of Fatty and Grant.

October 25, 2003

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Grant and Fatty took a quick ride to pick up some snacks and drinks at a nearby store.

October 25, 2003

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Grant was pretty spooked about the broken gas line. His grandmother had once told him "Whatever you do, DON'T ride a moped in Greece! Promise me, ok?" and he felt like it was a sign that he shouldn't get back on the bike. But we told him, "Stop being silly. She said MOPED in GREECE! You're on a SCOOTER in CRETE! Apples and oranges, my friend! It's totally different! Stop being such a pussy!"

October 25, 2003

scooter ↗+

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I don't know if you know this, but Greeks drive like crazy people. Wait, that doesn't quite do it justice. More like FUH-HUH-HUH-KING CAH-RAZY PEOPLE! It makes no sense. You walk around Crete and all you see are these chilled out playas all taking it easy, sipping their coffee, taking their four-hour breaks...but all of a sudden, put one of them chilled dudes behind the wheel of a anything with a motor and all of the sudden they've GOT FUCKING PLACES TO BE SO MOVE OR BE KILLED! With that in mind, full-well knowing that renting scooters on a Greek island might lead to an early death, we decided to head to the restaurant across the street and enjoy what might very well be our last meal:

October 25, 2003

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We hit the road and were headed for Balí when about three minutes into the trip Grant's bike stalled out and wouldn't restart. We all pulled over and a quick examination revealed that the liquid puddling underneath his bike was, in fact, gasoline. Yep, blown gas line. No big deal we figured. We'd all ride back and get Grant a new bike. Chris hopped on his bike to come with us, and his bike wouldn't restart either. FUCK! So Fatty and Chris agreed to wait 1/2 mile down the road while Grant and I went back to talk to the scooter guy.

October 25, 2003

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We stopped at a gas station to get some water and snacks (and so Fatty could do a quick flex-down in front of the car)...

October 24, 2003

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Live Show gets the thumbsdown! Here's us in the parking lot trying to assess the financial damage. Our four Russian "strippers" managed to fleece the four of us for a grand total of €120 in less than 20 minutes! And we still didn't manage to see any heines! We hopped in the car to drive the remaing 1/4 mile back to our resort, and in the moment of silence after we were finished laughing hysterically at what had just happened we all heard Grant say quietly to himself: "Hmmmmm. A hundred Euros, eh?" Hahahahaha.

October 24, 2003

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On the way back to the car a little after 3am, we found another sidewalk snack shop and decided to get something to eat. We all ended up ordering the Cretan equivalent of (my favorite bo-bo NYC food) the infamous Rosario's "Frankie and Cheese." (special shout out to the Crowley brothers, Dens & J Crowley, who have both frequently use their web pages to expound upon the most excellent deliciousness of this culinary wonder of the Lower East Side)

October 24, 2003

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Here we are, four dudes surrounded by nothing but totally hot women from a Greek island who want to have NOTHING TO DO WITH US. Liberia's got nothing on us, THIS is hell on earth.