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This is the only Beaver within a square mile of where Alysha lives. The Castro is like Chelsea in NYC is except more-so. It's like gayness cubed. Or for you mathematically inclined folks out there (Castro = gayness3). Or as Grant put it "Gayer than Nathan lane in a rainbow visor eating a banana while rollerskating." Hahaha.
the september roundup: life in san francisco
September, 2004
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But when I wandered down for a closer look (hoping I could pick a fight and kick some fucking mime ass) I noticed the tiny writing underneath the logo. Haha.
the september roundup: life in san francisco
September, 2004
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This is what my friend Emily wanted to do with J.Cro - but he has a girlfriend and so he wasn't having any of that. Haha.
moving to san francisco going away party: part one
August 24, 2004
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Damn girl, you's a one of a kind lady. Know what I'm saying?
last month in nyc: the august roundup part two
August, 2004
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Boobies!
last month in nyc: the august roundup part two
August, 2004
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After the show, Karen and I stopped to marvel (ok, and pose) with this amazing/confusing billboard. Maybe all those Neo-Nazis will finally cut the shit when they realize they're also alienating butch-lesbian Catholic priests with all their hate. (Wait, huh?)
last month in nyc: the august roundup part two
August, 2004
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Here's the enormous, creepy stuffed animal perched atop of the traffic signal box on the corner of Houston and Mulberry that I saw while walking up to Bar13 to meet up with...
last month in nyc: the august roundup part one
August, 2004
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Check out the sign on the wall in there. What's up, offensive and misleading?
siren festival at coney island and misshapes
July 17, 2004
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...while eating copious amounts of boardwalk junkfood. "Oh, hello there Mr. Corndog. Have I introduced you to my friend Funnelcake?"
siren festival at coney island and misshapes
July 17, 2004
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Emergency exit, anyone?
job interview in san francisco
June 22, 2004
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Hey, check it out: POO.
emily's 25th birthday at great adventure
June 09, 2004
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Fatty and Grant went and got Fatty's Ford Probe and arranged to pick me up on the corner of Broome and Broadway on the way towards the tunnel.
the ss farley sails tonight
May 07, 2004
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It was amazing. Not wanting all that culture to take away my hard core street rep, I made sure to chase the concert with...
the april roundup
April, 2004
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On the walk home through Soho this sign was taped to the brick wall surrounding the St. Patrick's Old Cathedral cemetary. How funny is it that some old priest dude at the church was smart enough to know that he could immediately dissuade any wanna be urbanite "grafiti artists" from tagging the church's wall by suggesting it's something that a person from Staten Island would do? Hahahah. You know in his original draft, the last line said "Bless Your Respect, Bee-eye-otch!"
the april roundup
April, 2004
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On the walk home from Sarah's I saw Mandy's record displayed in the Tower Record store on Bway.
the april roundup
April, 2004
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Glam lives? Huh?
the february roundup
February, 2004
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On the ride home we were glad to see that they finally installed a word of warning for any ladies that might be following us back to our place for a romp.
christmas with the fam
December 23, 2003
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Well, almost every single reason. Check out LA, working hard to further blur the line between gainful employment and prostitution.
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
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I love how this pampered pig is reading a book.
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
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The house is located on the 4,000 acre Wyle ranch;bought by Frank Wyle, Jord's maternal Grandfather, in the 60s. (Frank is one of the guys who funded the development of the calculator!Holy crap. And her cousin is the guy from ER. You know you love him. Don't be shy, go on and join. You know you want to).
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
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The majestic entrance to the ranch.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
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Dashiell Martin: Political Toddler.
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
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Lee was one of the first female artists to gain widespread recognition in the 1960s.
trip to cali part 1: nyc to la
December 10, 2003
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..."Joey Ramone Place." I love the Ramones, but this was a little much. Rather than get into a rant, instead I kindly point you in the direction of Eric Gillin's most-excellent essay on this.
the november roundup
November, 2003
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Lesson Learned: Don't get drunk at karaoke while worrying about what you're going to do next to earn a living or you might find yourself...PLAYA PLEASE! I'm fucking joking. I just passed this sign that was out in front of a club on Bowery while walking home. (Ok, maybe I considered it for a second...I mean, biddies love St. Ides, right?) PS - What the fuck is "High Gravity" Malt Liquor?
the november roundup
November, 2003
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And from there it was only a quick 2km ride to the nearby Melidoni Caves! Woooo!
european vacation part 16: scootering again.
October 29, 2003
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...at this man's moustache. Check out Manoli's shit, yo.
european vacation part 16: scootering again.
October 29, 2003
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It's a good thing that none of us picked up that young honey. As the sign to the ancient palace states: No sluts! No rocking out! (Boooooo!)
european vacation part 12: knossos ruins.
October 27, 2003
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Just in case you were wondering where Grant scored that hat.
european vacation part 10: agia gahlini.
October 26, 2003
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On the car ride back to our resort, Grant suddenly started yelling "PULL OVER! PULL OVER!" I freaked out, thinking I had accidentally clipped a Cretan nun or something, screeched to a halt only to have Grant point excitedly out his window and say "Look dude, it's my store. It's called "Grant!" See? We totally gotta get a picture." (The best part of this picture, if you look carefully, you'll notice Grant is using both hands to point to himself. Hahah).
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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Chris opted for the old "Sure is windy here in Crete!" trick by hanging horizontally from the "Child Molester Zone" sign pole we'd seen earlier.
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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Ok. So check it: We're a few blocks from our resort and we suddenly notice a sign that wasn't lit-up earlier in the night. "Anyone object to seeing an, ummmm, Live Show?" I asked the car. No one seemed to mind, so I pulled into the parking lot. After seeing what the regular local girls' asses looked like, we couldn't wait to see the asses on the local stripper girls!

We rushed inside like giddy morons only to be confounded by an empty stage (complete with empty stripper-pole in the middle) next to a bar where a few older Greek man sat nursing drinks. We decided to sit down at the group of couches next to the stage and have a drink hoping things would pick up. No sooner had our bums touched the faux-leather of the overstuffed stripper-couches, did four girls simultaneously appear on our laps out of NOWHERE! Seriously. If you told me that they dropped from ropes out of secret trap doors inthe ceiling, I'd believe you. It was insane.

After giving us a moment to compose ourselves, the girls introduced themselves. Upon hearing their names, it became apparent that these weren't local girls. In fact, they all were from the former Soviet Union (at which point we started frantically looking around to make sure we weren't about to get Shanghaied by their ringleader, The Babyshaker!).

The girls suggested (more with gestural pantomiming than actual words) that we buy ourselves, and them, a round of drinks. We obliged and then watched the girls toss them down like sailors and ask (mime) for another. While Chris and I exchanged awkward glances, Fatty and Grants' "strippers" somehow managed to pry them away from the group and persuaded them to fork over more Euros for private dances at another cluster of couches a few yards away. Chris and I held our girls at bay and tried to make polite conversation (while at the same time trying to keep an eye on Grant and Fatty to make sure they didn't get their kidneys stolen). The two girls we were with literally didn't speak any English (or Greek for that matter). After learning their names and their respective countries, Chris took a stab at starting a conversation:

Chris to his Stripper: "Soooooo! You ever been to the States?"
Chris' Stripper (excitedly): "Ah! You wanta the sex? €100 Euros!"
At which point we realized, "Hey! Wait a minute! This place isn't a stripclub!" We started giving Grant and Fatty (who at this point were both getting gouged another €20 each for their 2nd lapdances) the frantic "Let's get the fuck out of here!" nod to the door and got up to leave.
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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Live Show gets the thumbsdown! Here's us in the parking lot trying to assess the financial damage. Our four Russian "strippers" managed to fleece the four of us for a grand total of €120 in less than 20 minutes! And we still didn't manage to see any heines! We hopped in the car to drive the remaing 1/4 mile back to our resort, and in the moment of silence after we were finished laughing hysterically at what had just happened we all heard Grant say quietly to himself: "Hmmmmm. A hundred Euros, eh?" Hahahahaha.
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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Greek for "Tasty Pigs???"
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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One of the first things we noticed: apparently Rethymnon has specifically designated "pedophilia" areas. Progressive!
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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We landed in Heraklion at 5:45am and while we were waiting for our baggage, we ran into...
european vacation part 6: sightseeing with the stoddards .
October 23, 2003
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"Owwwwwwwwwww! My fugging leeeeeeeeeeg! Why god? Whyyyyy?" Don't be like Shadow Man. Mind the gap!
european vacation part 5: reunited with grant.
October 22, 2003
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Chris and Grant posing in front of "the Orchard" sign. (They met back in 1999 when they both worked at The Orchard record label).
european vacation part 5: reunited with grant.
October 22, 2003
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...and made it to the Hammersmith Theater by 9:55pm (the concert had started around 8!).
european vacation part 4: london & ac/dc
October 21, 2003
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After Hallgrimskirkja, Smari took us over to the outdoor sculpture garden at the Einar Jonsson Museum. He's Iceland's most famous sculptor and his work (which was from the very early 1900's) was pretty far out there.
european vacation part 2: reykjavik, iceland.
October 21, 2003
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On the way back to the subway we made a little detour and headed into Dylan's Candy Bar - which is pretty much the biggest candy store I've ever been in.
central park, the candy shop and sarah d's party
September 06, 2003
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Around 6pm, after waiting for 90 minutes and still no power, the office was getting unbearably hot and we said fuck it and left. Grant, Triple-M (that's Mr. Michael Martin to you) and myself walked over to the East Village and started looking around for a place to eat. Somewhere on Avenue C we ended up being enticed by the promise of a "Black Out BBQ" and went in.
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
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On my actual bday, Grant, Michael and myself paid my good friend Dave a visit for a little birthday lunch treat.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
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And on the way back to the office I ran into Jack (the Sign-Holder Formerly known as "Crazy Pomodoro Guy") who wished me a happy birthday!
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
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Before heading out, we went by Kate's new apartment (but we had to be very careful not to wake her neighbors.)
bidness in los angeles
July 24, 2003
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DON'T WALK! Saturday night Grant and I found a downed traffic-crossing sign (that someone had obviously hit with their car) that was still working.
the july roundup
July, 2003
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Sunday morning we got up and headed over to Frank's for brunch.
memorial day out in nj
May 26, 2003
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You can take your rules and signs and shove them up your ass! Fatty's a fucking rock n' roll rebel.
the may roundup
May, 2003
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Badger Pantry.
bidness in madison wi
May 29, 2002
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Astroland Park, baby! This place is Disneyworld for whitetrash!
coney island day
May 12, 2002
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Uh-oh, she knows what's coming...
visitng kate in london & copenhagen
February 09, 2001
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Frenchy was *really* pissed off at first. But eventually he agreed to go out and pose with the harbinger of his birthday greeting.
nambla loves frenchy g
March 12, 1999
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Then things started getting weird.
nambla loves frenchy g
March 12, 1999
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Hahahahaha.
nambla loves frenchy g
March 12, 1999