i keep a diary

a person in 982 photos

fatty

appears with…
newest
fatty
Fatty gets his "Jew on" in front of the largest menorahs either of us had ever seen.
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
fatty
We got to Ross & Jord's just in time to have a lovely Hanukah dinner with Ross' parents.
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
fatty
Fatty crashed the fuck out on the ride. Hahah.
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
fatty
After I'd finished documenting our facial hair, we headed back to the house, showered (and I shaved, thank god), packed up and hit the road to head back down to Los Angeles (to attend the surprise birthday party that Jordana had put together for him. Shhhh!).
trip to cali part 5: back to la
December 19, 2003
fatty
Fatty, seen here double fisting, was getting pretty drunk at this point in the night. I remember him turning to me, nudging me yet again and pointing out his favorite, older blonde lady and saying "Dude, I think I realized why she's so hot. She totally looks like Stifler's Mom!"
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Fatty was up first with Huey Lewis' "I Want a New Drug."
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
...and refugee groupies from the 80s! Awwww, yeah! (This lady was awesome - she was totally all over Fatty. Fatty was laughing, but at the same time he was all nervous because she was there with a bunch of scary looking dudes. Check out how Fatty's all got his arms up in the air like "I'm not touching her, see? She is the one touching me!")
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Complete with air guitar and leg kicks.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Fatty and Grant chowing down.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
...and in no time the scary, back-country logger/cowboy sex advice was flowing like tobacco spit.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
The questions!
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Here's Grant nursing a couple of beers as he got up the courage to ask some of the burly men for their best tips on how to get women to have anal sex, etc.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
One of the ranch hands was kind enough to give our saddle-sore cityslicker asses a lift back from the stable to the house (saving us the embarrasment of a bowlegged walk of pain home).
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Homeward bound.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Fatty opening the gate next to the hoofguard on the ride back home.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Okay, I'm running out of things to say in these captions so just relax and enjoy the pics.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Hahah.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Grant in the sun.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Fatty surveying his home on the range.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Grant holding my horse for me while I dismounted to open the gate next to the hoof guard so that we could move on to a different area of the ranch.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
He's the Fatty: on a steel horse he rides...
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Heading towards the open trails.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Fatty in the sun.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Grant and the Fatty on theirs. Now, one thing to keep in mind - the horses we were riding weren't wimpy petting zoo horses that have been ridden by hundreds of people. These horses were broken, but don't get ridden all that often - and when they do get ridden, they're ridden by real cowboys who know how to handle them. So in the beginning, we each had to spend quite a bit of time with our horses pretending like we knew how to act like we were in charge.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
...and here's the Fatty and Grant.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
fatty
Us in the stable
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
61IMG_7560.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fatty at the ranch gates.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
66DSC04886.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Grant and Fatty.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
52IMG_7524.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fatty in front of the fire hydrant for YET ANOTHER potential JDate pic.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
47IMG_7512.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Yaaaaaay, Horses!
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
46IMG_7511.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fwiends!
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
45IMG_7508.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
They're both smiling. Hahaha.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
39IMG_7490.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Haaaaaay!
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
43IMG_7501.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
The approach.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
42IMG_7499.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
More pics of Fatty making friends, this time with my nostril-friend horse.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
33IMG_7476.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fatty making friends.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
27DSC04882.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fatty cooking breffess for the boys. Bacon? Bad Jew! Baaaaaad Jew!
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
20IMG_7462.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fatty and the ranch dog.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
25DSC04878.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Scarfing Taco Bell in the parking lot while waiting for the theatre to open. Classy!
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
12DSC04865.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
...RETALIATION! The Fatty Strikes Back!
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
07DSC04858.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
We got to North Fork and met up with Fatty and Grant's good friend Aaron Schmidt who had driven up from San Diego to visit with his boys. We dropped our stuff off at the ranch house and by the time we'd driven back into town (around 10pm, mind you) the only place open that was serving food was McDonalds (where the heat wasn't working). Here's us with Aaron "Double A" Schmidt eating and freezing.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
08DSC04859.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fatty took himself a little post-McDonalds nappity nap and opened his eyes just in time to see Grant taking a picture of him as lead star in the first braining of our California adventure.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
01DSC04851.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After a restful night of sleep at Uncle Ira's, we woke on Monday to do some quick exploring of San Fran before starting the four and a half hour drive out to the ranch in North Fork.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
02DSC04852.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fatty and his French toast.
trip to cali part 3: sf to northfork
December 15, 2003
fatty
Then he gave us the "Jacob Dylan"
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
fatty
First we got a taste of the JFK, Jr.
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
fatty
After getting settled in at Uncle Ira's, we all headed to downtown SF to meet up with some friends (my friend Alysha, Jamie Waxman, who we know from NYC, and one of Jordana's good friends from school) and have some Thai food.
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
fatty
...and Fatty showed off his incredibly sculptible hair.
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
fatty
Uncle Ira and Dave (check out the Fateman family resemblance. Awesome).
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
fatty
...this guy's dad's brother (Yay! It's the Fatty!) and was kind enough to put us up for the night!
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
DSC04527.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
With Frank's drum kit taking up the entire rear half of his car, Fatty and I were forced to share the front seat.
em and lo's book reading
November 25, 2003
DSC04521.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Me and the Fatty (who's looking super-disco in the photo).
em and lo's book reading
November 25, 2003
DSC04506.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Sweaty Frank, Emma and a schoolboyish Fatty.
em and lo's book reading
November 25, 2003
DSC04488.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
The Fatty on bass...
em and lo's book reading
November 25, 2003
fatty
At first you thought that this photo was repetitive and not worth including...and then you looked again and noticed Fatty's ridiculous expression in the background and suddenly everything made sense.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
fatty
Haase, while Grant and the Fatty do their best impersonations of the shaved headed wunderkind. HA ha ha ha.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
fatty
Hahahaha.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
fatty
John Craven, Fatty, Chris and myself met up with Grant for a lil' birthday dinner at Cafe Gitane in Soho.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
fatty
On the walk over we tried to distract Grant from wondering if he was on his way to a surprise party by having a contest to see who could most closely mimic the running and jumping mural figures on 2nd St between B & C. Here's Fatty's attempt.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
fatty
As you can tell by his face in this photo, Grant knew something was up. Emma and Lo called as planned, but dinner was taking too long. As I kept trying to rush things along, Grant kept saying things like "Why the rush? Why are we in such a hurry?" All smarmy-like.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
fatty
Is it just me or does Fatty look like a ten year-old wearing Gene Wilder's Mr. Wonka wig from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
fatty
Fire up iTunes and here cue up Crüe's "Home Sweet Home." Awww, yeah.
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
fatty
Here's Chris and Fatty back at my apartment getting ready to head back to their respective homes - so ends our journey.

Between the three of us that had cameras, we managed to take just over 2,000 pictures which I edited down to 21 entries comprised of exactly 790 photos. And so it's with these last few words that I end the European Vacation Series (which is by far, the longest diary project I've ever undertaken). Back to life in NYC!
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
fatty
As we scrambled up to the gate we realized that there are probably worse things than being accidentally stranded in Iceland for a day or two.
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
fatty
With one final pic of the fantasic four, we said goodbye to Grant (who was staying behind in London for another couple of days) and....
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
fatty
...boarded our plane.
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
fatty
But not before gratuitious man-hugs were administered by the Fatty.
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
fatty
Shuttlebus from the rental car drop-off to the terminal.
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
fatty
Saturday morning we woke up, double checked our packed bags, thanked Grant's parents for their hospitality, and hit the road for Heathrow.
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
fatty
Here's another one. This one's my pensive and artsy "I'm acting like the camera's not there, but clearly I must know it is because I'm the one who took the picture" picture. Who's more emo than me? Motherfuck this photo diary nonsense, I'm gonna get me a LiveJournal. (ps - look at the two cutey patooties passed out next to me like little sleeping lambs. Teeheehee.)
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
DSC04297.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Saturday, Chris was in town and the four of us got together for brunch at 9th Street Market to reminisce about our recent hijinx in Europe.
the november roundup
November, 2003
DSC04294.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Better yet, Fatty was smelling the flowers on our table when he got too close and ended up getting pollen all over his nose. (PS - Go see Shrek 2. When Shrek gets turned into a human...oooops....SPOILER!.....the human version of Shrek looks exactly like Fatty. Seriously. It's fucking hilarious).
the november roundup
November, 2003
DSC04296.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
I'm Shrek! Ahhhhhhhhhh!
the november roundup
November, 2003
DSC04232.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
On Wednesday Grant came back from London (he stayed behind to hang with his parents after our vacation ended, remember?) and was going to be in NYC for a few days (one of which we threw him a surprise party) before heading back to Los Angeles to do some final work oh his television pilot (nope, so not kidding). That night Fatty, (the rarely photographed) Michael Martin and myself all met up with Grant at the nearby Congee Village for some tasty dinner.
the november roundup
November, 2003
fatty
On the way home, we stopped for a little McDonalds drive thru action.
european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!
October 31, 2003
fatty
The group headed outside for our last round of goodbyes. With the exception of Grant who was staying behind for a few more days to hang with his family, the rest of us were heading back to the States in the mornin
european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!
October 31, 2003
fatty
Fatty, Charlene, Martin and Dani.
european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!
October 31, 2003
fatty
We posed for one last group photo before all going our separate ways. Let's hear it for Halloween 2003. Wooooo!
european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!
October 31, 2003
fatty
Dani and the Fatty (who, by the looks of this photo, has had a few drinks).
european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!
October 31, 2003
fatty
Here's Steve, Charlene, Chris, Dani, Grant and the Fatty out on near the dancefloor and visibly liquored up at this point.
european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!
October 31, 2003
fatty
And hey, I bet you'd completely forgotten that this was Halloween night. We'd almost forgotten too - or at least until Charlene and Dave found these creepy masks that the put on. (This was our first Halloween in two years that we didn't get to attend Viola's "My Friends are All Out of Your League" Supermodel Party. See: Halloween 2001 and Halloween 2002.)
european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!
October 31, 2003
fatty
Hahahah. What's better than Fatty's face in this picture?
european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!
October 31, 2003
fatty
ESS-EX! C'mon where my nig-noggz at?
european vacation part 20: halloween in bas vegas, baby!
October 31, 2003
fatty
Awww, yeah - check tha setup! Awwww, look how cute Grant's mom is all displaying the food with the boys. (And be forewarned, anybody making remarks about Moms in the comments section will be promptly banned. In the words, of the Wise Fatty, "Dat shit ain' coo'!")
european vacation part 19: a day in essex
October 31, 2003
fatty
And then we drove back towards Corringham to the White Lion Pub in Fobbing to meet up Grant's dad and...
european vacation part 19: a day in essex
October 31, 2003
fatty
After spending too much money at the arcade (those pound coins certainly aren't US quarters) we went the the nearby "Under the Arches" restaurant and got our fish and chips (Because it's just not a shore experience until you've had something deep-fried).
european vacation part 19: a day in essex
October 31, 2003
fatty
....ARCADE TIME! (Look at Grant and Chris peeking out in the background. Hahaha).
european vacation part 19: a day in essex
October 31, 2003
fatty
Here's Fatty's "meat from three different animals with cheese" sandwich. He's going to put this pic up on JDate to subtly communicate to the ladies that he doesn't keep kosher. Bad Jew! Baaaad!
european vacation part 18: leaving crete.
October 30, 2003
fatty
After a long-ass day of traveling and layovers, we landed in Heathrow a little past 11pm local time.
european vacation part 18: leaving crete.
October 30, 2003
fatty
After a few England-bound hours in the air, it was time for ANOTHER MEAL! Wooooo! Who loves airline food more than us?
european vacation part 18: leaving crete.
October 30, 2003
fatty
...we arrived safely and without incident (save a slight yelling match between Grant and the rest of the passengers in the car who politely asked him if he would "SLOW THE FUCK DOWN SO DON'T HYDROPLANE OFF THE ROAD AND DIE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!") at Grant's parent's home and celebrated with some stiff drinks...
european vacation part 18: leaving crete.
October 30, 2003
fatty
Oh, conked the fuck already. That's where.

(Update: Ok, in Grant's defense I have to post something from an email he just sent clarifying why he was worried about the whole plane thing. Turns out he wasn't worried that I'd be mistaken for a a terrorist, he was worried that they were going to think I was a spy. In his email he included a link to story on the BBC news website about 14 "planespotters," people that take pictures of airplanes as a hobby, that were just convicted of "espionage" after being arrested for taking pictures of Greek military planes during an airshow there. Ka-ka-kuh-razy! Good looking out, Grizza. Sorry.)
european vacation part 18: leaving crete.
October 30, 2003
fatty
Check it out: both Grant and Fatty are "handling their luggage."
european vacation part 18: leaving crete.
October 30, 2003
fatty
We bid our lovely condo a fond farewell and piled into our sweet, lil' rental one last time.
european vacation part 18: leaving crete.
October 30, 2003
fatty
Once in the airport, we grabbed a quick slice...
european vacation part 18: leaving crete.
October 30, 2003
fatty
With a fistfulla cone, we bid a last fond-farewell to Rethymnon.
european vacation part 17: the melidoni caves.
October 29, 2003
fatty
Being that we were leaving Crete in the morning to head back to the UK, we decided to take one more trip into Rethymnon to walk around and get some ice cream.
european vacation part 17: the melidoni caves.
October 29, 2003
fatty
Back at the condo after dinner, Fatty managed to get off a fairly decent braining while Grant took a nap. He was about to lean in closer, but Grant woke up (This kid's so high-strung a mouse fart'd wake him up).
european vacation part 17: the melidoni caves.
October 29, 2003
fatty
Not completely happy with the shaky, hand-held quality of the previous "Scootering" footage we'd shot a few days earlier, Chris strapped the camera to the back of my bike so we could film our mountainous ascent on the coastal backroads. (I'll get around to posting clips of this someday. Don't worry, with the exception of Grant trying to brain we while I'm squatting down and talking to the bike-mounted cam, you're really not missing much).
european vacation part 17: the melidoni caves.
October 29, 2003
fatty
Hahahah.
european vacation part 17: the melidoni caves.
October 29, 2003