On Wednesday night we visited Marina and Dave and they proudly showed off the matching NASTY MAGIC t-shirt and onesie someone had given them as a gift.
And an extra special thanks to Scott & Leigh! In addition to pulling dance moves like this all night, they also shot tons of footage and interviews of the party...
Everyone has a unique strategy to ensure your brand new spouse doesn't smash cake into your face. Marina went with the rock-solid "hand poised to intervene" defense...
A couple days after the party, we all received an email from him with a link to a surprise video he'd edited together with all the clandestine hula hooping video he'd shot. It. Is. Amazing. My favorite part is the highlight reel of everyone throwing their hands up and leaning that starts around the 1:45 minute mark (right after Siege does the "white man's overbite") and just keeps getting better. (PS - Make sure you check out Ellen's sideways "tit-sway" at 2:14. Amazing.)
Dude, you gotta love the Fatty! Check him out here doing the old "I will shoot you with METAL!" move that he probably saw Billy Sheehan do in a Mr. Big DVD box set that he probably totally owns. Hahaha. SOOO GOOD!
Siege gave us all awesome, limited-edition signed prints! Fatty got this portrait of himself (that was an out-take from Fiasco's first band photo shoot that Siege did).
The funniest part of the night is when I sat down to look something up on Fatty's computer and when I typed in the letters "G" and "I," Fatty's Google history totally sold him out and revealed one of his previous Google searches: "gifts for guys that like guitars with babies" that was clearly from when he used Google to try to figure out what to get his little brother for the holidays. This is fucking priceless and I still laugh every time I see it.
...THIS AMAZING PHOTO! Hahahaha. Holy shit, this pic makes me LOL every time I see it. (Bonus points for the chopsticks standing in as a spear to the ribs!)
That's when we found this gem! Fatty's driver's license from the late, hair-metal 80s. This is back when he was in a band called, and I swear I'm not making this up, Nasty Magic!!!
Fatty even showed up trashed out of his mind with a bunch of his co-workers! One of them passed out on the infamous couch in the back. (The site of 2004's infamous "Drunk Guy Jenga") And despite her being one of Fatty's co-workers, rules are rules. If you pass out in public, it probably means that...
With Frank properly attired, we instructed the driver to make a few victory laps around Soho so we could shoot the shit and have a few drinks before our first destination: Blue Mountain BBQ on Spring St.
Oh, so I forgot to mention. On the walk over to Sarah's, I ran into my friend Emily on the street who pointed out David Lee Roth's new two-storey apartment to me. I won't give away his exact address, but suffice it to say, one of the floors has a prominent balcony that overlooks a heavily foot-trafficked area of the Lower East Side). Anyway, she told me that according to rumor, DLR was having a huge Fourth of July party on his balcony. When I relayed this info to Grant and the Fatty, we all decided that we had no choice: we had to round up a group and attempt to crash it.
...the craziest, highest rock n' roll jump kick I've ever seen in my life. If only DLR (who lives less than a block away, incidentally) could've been there to see it - he would've wept with joy knowing his heir apparent lives. (This is so wallpaper worth - click here for the hi-res version).
With Grant still away (he was in the UK and then Spain for a few weeks chilling with his family), Fatty had some serious comedy slack to pick up. Luckily, he was up for the challenge, hunchedly chasing this snooty fur shawl-wearing lady down Park Ave while making a silly "I'm tip-toeing" face on our way back from playing Frisbee in the Sheep's Meadow in Central Park. Comedy gold, I tell ya. Later that night, a whole bunch of us met up in the East Village to celebrate...
...that's right. The one thing my mom forgot to mention was that all of the ski clothes that they had were purchased at the height of the eighties' fluorescent colors craze. Check us out! (You may need to dim your monitor's brightness setting in order to do so).
This was too fucking funny: Jen Choi and Amber were arguing over who should get to drink an errant shot of whiskey (that was likley there because we're all girly men who were too pussy to drink it). Jen Choi was like "How about we each drink half?" Amber was like "Sounds good. Here, I'll drink the first half." Then after pausing for a moment, she yelled "SUCKER!" and shot the shot. I managed to catch Jen's face right when she started to realize she'd been had. That just goes to prove the old adage: Never trust a heavily tattooed girl in a hot-pink lycra shirt to share her whiskey.
...and refugee groupies from the 80s! Awwww, yeah! (This lady was awesome - she was totally all over Fatty. Fatty was laughing, but at the same time he was all nervous because she was there with a bunch of scary looking dudes. Check out how Fatty's all got his arms up in the air like "I'm not touching her, see? She is the one touching me!")
Grant and the Fatty on theirs. Now, one thing to keep in mind - the horses we were riding weren't wimpy petting zoo horses that have been ridden by hundreds of people. These horses were broken, but don't get ridden all that often - and when they do get ridden, they're ridden by real cowboys who know how to handle them. So in the beginning, we each had to spend quite a bit of time with our horses pretending like we knew how to act like we were in charge.
...of Grant giving Fatty one of the best "Wedgie Sneak Attacks" ever captured on film. AWESOME. Less awesome is the fact that I didn't manage to capture the clobbering swing he administered to Grant's leg as he painfully reacted to the friction of a yard's-worth of fabric being zipped through his ass crack.
It was getting pretty late and Shelby, Tymber's roommate, seemed like she was tired and getting ready to go home. Grant sensing that Shelby was going to try to get Tymber to leave early with her, tried to get Shelby in the mix out on the dance floor in hopes that she'd stay a little longer. Check out the Fatty peeping Grant's crafty "Hey, now let's ALL dance together!" move from the sidelines. Smoooooooooth! Hahaha.
Yet another possible JDate photo opp for the Fatty. "Dude, it says to chicks 'I like culture and stuff' ". As handsome as he looks ladies, just keep in mind that moments after posing for this picture he ran off to "look for the torture chamber."
Seriously, check it. From the hair right down to the glasses, he's got it down! Even the man himself gives Fatty a "thumbs up" for his flawless impression.
How tough is the Fatty in this pic? See that drop off behind Fatty in the pic? That's actually a steep road that leads down to this little tiny part of the penninsula that goes out into the water. We drove down to explore and take a closer look.
Live Show gets the thumbsdown! Here's us in the parking lot trying to assess the financial damage. Our four Russian "strippers" managed to fleece the four of us for a grand total of €120 in less than 20 minutes! And we still didn't manage to see any heines! We hopped in the car to drive the remaing 1/4 mile back to our resort, and in the moment of silence after we were finished laughing hysterically at what had just happened we all heard Grant say quietly to himself: "Hmmmmm. A hundred Euros, eh?" Hahahahaha.
Why yes, there is: The Fatty with a group of German ACDC fans. These guys were fucking hardcore. They got wind of the surprise show in Munich that morning and flew over on a whim.
7:25am: Lost. We were right on target until the highway we were on turned into this crazy-ass rotary that shot us off in the wrong direction. We stopped at a gas station for directions, but nobody there spoke enough English to be helpful - so we hunkered down with the map and tried to figure it out. (Check out Fatty's priceless "We're lost" expression).
Here's Fatty telling his amazing story (complete with hand gestures) about a Russian girl he'd met through online dating who was only interested in getting her "rear emmissions checked" (if you know what I'm sayin'). Look at Frank's face, he's totally caught in the middle of saying "Duuuuude."
So there was this cute teenager working the counter and she took a liking to Fatty, so he asked her if she'd take him on a tour of the place and show him how the donuts here made.
I was trying to take a video of us rocking out but took a picture instead and managed to capture us in the midst of some pretty serious MetalFaces (check out Fatty pretending to play kit in the background with his DrummerFAce in full effect. Hahaha).
After months of getting people to willingly pose with my balls, it was time to try something new: getting unsuspecting people to unknowingly pose with my balls. I discreetly whipped out my bag, and grabbed one of our new friends for a picture. I handed off the cam to Seth who totally shit the bed by not managing to get my balls in the pic. Doh! The rest of the guys in the pic (Check out Grant and Franks' faces) were laughing so hard that the girl in the black shirt was totally confused...
Check this out: Fatty found his old drivers license back from his hair metal days. He played lead axe (that's guitar) for the infamous band "Nasty Magic." (And no I'm not kidding. Do you really think I could've made that name up?)
I edited together this montage of some choice cuts of the hits from the evening. (My favorite moment is Fatty's expression at 3:20) Enjoy! Track listing:
1. Christmas Wrapping
2. I Can't Go for That
3. Christmas Wrapping (part 2)
4. Head Over Heels
5. Plush
6. Peace on Earth / Ziggy Stardust
7. Let's Go
8. Fairytale Of New York
9. Creep
10. Don't You Want Me
11. Do They Know It's Christmas?