The party in Brooklyn was winding down and some friend's of Monica's were in town from Miami DJing at a club in Chinatown. So we hopped a cab, got to the club at around 2:30, and ended up dancing until morning when they kicked us out at like 10:30am. Happy New Year!
This is Monica. She was in town from Miami visiting some friends and pretty much refused to give me the time of day. That is until I started using my recently acquired basis Spanish skills to woo her. My acute party observations, "Mira! Los hombres estan bailando y las mujures estan cantando!" (translation: "Look! The men, they are dancing! And the women, they are singing!) impressed her to no end and the next thing you know...
With the bar raised high. B-Batch speps to the mic to deliver Misfits sing-along "Last Caress" We all know Brian can look like Danzig and the boyz but can he sound like them?
Shit, man; His mama din't raise no dummy! Owen wisely steps backwards to exit the stage to let Brian "Goldenballs" Battjer bask in rökk gloree! Extra points for that nastee grimace. Noice!
Fatty couldn't resist getting of this last shot of Battjer rocking his tangerine shouldered ski jacket sans irony. The fucking balls on this kid. YOU GO GIRL!
As soon as I rolled into town, I gots on tha horn and wrangled up Emily Cmielewski and Rachael and we went over to the bar at Chi-Chi's (yep, the Mexican restaurant chain) for some strip-mall style Jersey nightlife action.
After getting the ladies all wet with a solo rendition of the Police's 1978 hit "Roxanne," Emily and I stepped up to the mic to kick a duet of Human League's 1982 hit "Don't You Want Me." Check out DJ/Entertainer Jo Jo Russell (the karaoke emcee) pumpin his fist Arsenio Hall style. "Hoo Hoo Hoo!"
Also on hand was Matt Weiner; an RHS alumnus, a Syracuse alumnus and he lives right down the goddamned street from me in NYC. For those of you new to my site, Matt is so revered for making faces that there have been contests held to pay homage.
....a night out on the town! Seth being a pimped-ass high roller, he called in to have a limo chaffeur our asses around all night. Nothing says class like a white-stretch with neon underrunners, baby.
In Montreal, we met up with the three other guys (who drove in from Boston). Seth (the guy next to me), Chef (not pictured because he's being blocked by Fatty's head) and the uber-scary (and therefore edited out of most of the pictures) Ethan (gee, can you figure out which guy is the sociopath in the pic...c'mon, look carefully.).
Here's the New York Five, coldlamping in front of our pimpin' rented Blazer. From Left: Grant, Dave "Fatty" Fateman, Colin "Big Daddy" Gentle and Frank "Seven Layer" Picarazzi.
Okay, this pic is from a few weeks earlier when Laura was in town for "The Rules of Attraction" premeire...but it's the greatest picture ever and I didn't include it earlier so here it is.
Doug and I pounded our Big Buds and made a quick run to the store to pick up some more beeyahs. When we returned we started looking for Josh to give him his beer and we found that he had....
Okay, so check this out: We're back in Manhattan and we're walking down Houston towards my place and this woman is talking on her cellphone and walking towards us. She gets like 8 feet from us and we both suddenly hear this huge fart and as she passes us she says to her friend on the phone "Oh shit, I think these white boys just heard me fart!" and starts laughing. So we chased her down the street and asked her if she'd pose for a pic! In this pic, Doug and I are yelling "Ohhhhhh!" while she's telling her friend on the phone "Oh shit! Oh shit! The white boys that heard me farting is taking my picture and shit! They're taking my picture!" Soooo funny.
This is probably the funniest pic of the night (or at least 2nd runner up behind Josh Teixeira passed out standing up against a wall...hehe). Bonus points for Doug's face in the background.
I also randomly ran into Rob Berliner (Not only does he live in Philly, we went to high school together...which makes it a Double Random Whammy! Woooo!).
Doug had just cut off all of his hair so he had to pencil in his "devil-lock" hair with make-up. HAHAHAHA! We hopped into a cab and headed uptown to go to Dave and Viola's party (which you may remember from last year.
Yeah, that's right - B.Bat's gots moves and he's not afraid to put his point on tha floor and prove it (or at least prove it all the way on the other side of the basement away from the dancefloor and where nobody is).
And ended up running into the girl that David Forman totally made out with at the last Cake party (coming soon). No not that one, the one in red. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
After we left Serena's we all headed over to Joey's for some leetle afterparty (and it was also some casting lady's birthday party as well). Shane and Eddie from Vice Magazine.
While the rest of the partygoers sipped free vodka and non-chalantly pretended they weren't trying to accidentally strike up a conversation with James Vanderbeek (who's actually really good in the movie) Emma Taylor and I got down to bidness.
Check out that smile! No, not mine, Dashiell's! Anyway I grab a hold of him and all of the sudden he lights up like a Christmas Tree and I'm all thinking I'm the shit because he's smiling and Jord's like - "Wow, look at that smile! He must really be letting go of ALOT of gas."
Just when I thought things couldn't get any better, Ami busted out an Orgasmo Head Massager and went to work on my scalp. Look at my face...I'll tell you what, bliss sure ain't purty.
After you're done laughing at my candy necklace (Hey, fuck you buddy - chicks were biting off pieces...what would you have done?) make sure to check out David in the background getting accosted by yet another random girl.
After the Stanton house, we decided to head back over to the Laughing Lion (where we went to eat after the ceremony 14 hours earlier) and finish up the night there.
Immediately at the conclusion of the service (at 11am) we headed over to the Laughing Lion for drinks and food. Me, Tim Farley and John Christie represent on the Roxbury High School tip.
