...this totally dirty-by-accident photo! Holy moly! But one thing's for sure, it certainly clears up any doubts anyone had about Lisa's ability to, ummm, work the mic.
Halfway through his song, Vadim realized that everyone that was taking pictures was aiming their camera below his waist and realized what had happened and decided to try to combat the situation by...
Wow, just wow. I was going to make a joke about the types of tiny, simple machines that could be powered by harnessing their collective "star power," but I think I'll just stick with "wow" instead.
Besides Herman, there were even some "real" famous people there. You know you've made it in the karaoke world when Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, and Dennis Haskins (aka - "Mr. Belding" from Saved By The Bell) team up to sing as a trio at your birthday party!
When the band got back on stage, they called me up to sing! "Don't Stop" is pretty much one of the best karaoke songs of all time and one of the few times that I actually don't mind that fact that I was pretty much born with a woman's voice. Check out the singer all like "Holy shit, this guy's a eunuch!"
Last song of the night! I may not have won the competition, but I definitely went home feeling like a winner! (Cue sitcom audience applause and outro music from Growing Pains).
If, by the time I die, tombstones with embedded video screens are commonplace, someone please make sure that this photo makes it into the cemetery slideshow. Thanks. (Photo by Leo Zacharias)
You sign up for a song and then when it's your turn to sing, the microphone cord can be slid down this guided-track type thingy to make sure it can reach any seat! It was incredible!
And the best part? You're on a bus and you have a CAPTIVE AUDIENCE! When you sing karaoke at a bar, you have to weigh what you want to sing against what the crowd is likely to tolerate. If you pick a horrible song, everyone will simply go outside and smoke until your song is over. But on a bus, there's no escape. So if you want to sing Believe by Cher (Yes Sean, I'm looking in your direction) there's nothing anybody can do but listen. Hahah.
I decided to go with Skid Row's cautionary ballad, 18 & Life. I was even lucky enough to score a stageful of interpretive backup dancers. Sure, that song might be a ballad...
After the (outright boring) trip to the nudy bar, we decided to head to Remote Lounge and take over Sid and Buddy's karaoke night there. (I guess karaoke's becoming a bachelor party trend?)
There was this dude there who had slathered himself in that awful bronzer skin dye that makes you look tan. He kept going up to Sid and Buddy every five minutes and saying stuff like "Yo dudes, am I going to be up anytime soon? I'm going to be a famous singer someday and it might be in your best interest to treat me right." He tried that nonsense for 90 minutes and finally growing discouraged, bribed them with $40 and was instantly put on stage. Hahaha. He started singing some awful Justin Timberlake song while gyrating and air-humping. This prompted Carol to bum-rush the stage and sexily unbutton his shirt while he sang. He thought she was into him, but everytime he looked away from her, she'd pull faces like this...
...here he is at the peak! How fucking unbelievable is this picture? As soon as I clicked the shutter I knew I'd managed to capture something magical. Click here to download a full-size, high-resolution version. Because you know you want to set this shit as your desktop wallpaper.
Along with Dennis' crew came superstar Mike Tully, who dropped some hip hop flava on the crowd before chugging his forty of brass monkey (that's malt liquor and orange juice) and heading off to see the Dizzy Rascal show.
You know him, you love him. Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together and give a warm welcome to Chi-Chi's Mexican Mall Strip's very own, Music Man Jo-Jo Russell! (Yo, y'all may remember Jo Jo from entries like "Thanksgiving 2002," the good news is, his long-promised website is finally up and running!)
...and refugee groupies from the 80s! Awwww, yeah! (This lady was awesome - she was totally all over Fatty. Fatty was laughing, but at the same time he was all nervous because she was there with a bunch of scary looking dudes. Check out how Fatty's all got his arms up in the air like "I'm not touching her, see? She is the one touching me!")
For some reason this is the only pic I have of Grant singing...see him there in the background? Look carefully, I know it's hard to see him behind the group of people who actually got up out of their seats and started doing a FUCKING KICKLINE to the end of his incredible rendition of Frank's "New York, New York." (People from California got up and kicklined to "New York, New York" sung by a Brit. Think about that.)
Leila took a quick break from her make out sesh to writhe and gratuitously cup her breasts next to me on stage while I sang. Thanks for that, hon. Motley Crue karaoke just isn't the same without a girl on the stage touching herself and shimmying suggestively.
And then suddenly, the shots got the better of Leila and she started getting all fresh with Ed - tugging at his luggage and whatnot (The momentary look on confusion on Ed's face as he tried to figure out if she kidding around or not quickly turned to indifference as he realized "Hey, either way some cute chick's tugging at my carrot.") Then, just as Leila was about to give Ed some full-on mouth kissing, Chira shut things down with a strategically placed hand.
After Lit, I headed over to Nolita Tavern for some Sid & Buddy karaoke action where I bore witness to my man Kyle fall victim to one of the most outrageous girlie-attacks I've ever seen. First they stripped his shirt.
Big Daddy tearing it up with Huey Lewis' seminal "I Want a New Drug." Homeboy kicked it so hard he needed not one, but two blonde, hula-clad male dancers. Check out that face; the urgency - can't you see how much Big Daddy wants that new drug?
After Amanda had finished singing, Tracy Morgan wandered in from the next room (!!!) and asked Frank if he knew how to play "Let's Get it On" by Al Green. He killed it.
After he'd finished singing, one of Tracy's friends (Shawn Wayans, I think) came up on stage and the band kicked off a Stevie Wonder tune. Seth ran up and joined them to first provide some backing harmonies...
And I saved the best for last...check out the ghetto pyrotechnics! That's right, they took sparklers and scotch-taped them to the ceiling for the big "Wanted Dead or Alive" Bon Jovi hair-metal finale!
What, you don't believe me? See those two smoking hot, blonde hula girls? Yeah, that's right! They got so hot and bothered by my karaoke jam that right after i was done singing they took me in the bathroom and I totally got down with both of them! So who's gay now, huh? Huh?
Look! Sometimes there's even the occasional celebrity. That's Peter Reigert (he played "Boon" in Animal House, remember), up on stage to sing "Shout." (He was there because it was the wrap-party for a movie he'd just finished directing. Beverly D'Angelo [aka - Ellen Griswold *swoon*] was in the movie too and I was hoping that I'd get to dedicate a karaoke jam just for her, but she was a no-show. Bah.)
On Monday, May 19th at 12:14am history was made as Sarah Lewitinn (of "Ultragrrrl" fame) finally drank enough to climb up on stage and pop her sweet, virgin karaoke cherry! She was a lil' shy at first...
When Grant ran into a little trouble singing George Michael's "Kissing a Fool," Michael ran up to the stage to lend support with this "lone lighter" salute.
Grant tries to get some stranger into the true DLR (that's David Lee Roth) spirit of things by doing a toe-touch jump in the beginning of his performance of Van Halen's "Panama."
Proprietor and emcee "Owen the Brummie" gives madd props where madd props is due with a double index finger hail. This was the exact moment where the Arlene Grocery foundations were thoroughly shaken for the first of four times on that fateful evening.
I edited together this montage of some choice cuts of the hits from the evening. (My favorite moment is Fatty's expression at 3:20) Enjoy! Track listing:
1. Christmas Wrapping
2. I Can't Go for That
3. Christmas Wrapping (part 2)
4. Head Over Heels
5. Plush
6. Peace on Earth / Ziggy Stardust
7. Let's Go
8. Fairytale Of New York
9. Creep
10. Don't You Want Me
11. Do They Know It's Christmas?