i keep a diary

tagged together in 211 photos

grant + best

grant×!best×
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grant + best
ChelseaBoy flexdown!
gay pride at fort tilden
June 27, 2004
grant + best
Meredith, David, Grant, Rachel and Miye.
gay pride at fort tilden
June 27, 2004
grant + best
...the craziest, highest rock n' roll jump kick I've ever seen in my life. If only DLR (who lives less than a block away, incidentally) could've been there to see it - he would've wept with joy knowing his heir apparent lives. (This is so wallpaper worth - click here for the hi-res version).
fireworks go up show at luna lounge
May 28, 2004
grant + best
Hahaha. The fact that Fatty and Grant are making eye contact make this "Back to the Future" moment even funnier.
fireworks go up show at luna lounge
May 28, 2004
grant + best
...here he is at the peak! How fucking unbelievable is this picture? As soon as I clicked the shutter I knew I'd managed to capture something magical. Click here to download a full-size, high-resolution version. Because you know you want to set this shit as your desktop wallpaper.
jamie kirkpatrick's bachelor party
May 20, 2004
grant + best
Yeah, I know you wanted a close up. How funny is Grant's face?
jamie kirkpatrick's bachelor party
May 20, 2004
grant + best
Bah-bah-brained!
jamie kirkpatrick's bachelor party
May 20, 2004
grant + best
This picture is so awesome it merrited a close up. So here you go.
the may roundup part two
May, 2004
grant + best
Grant's jam got everyone crazy amounts of worked up. Going so far as to inspire Candy to try her first DLR (David Lee Roth) onstage air kick!
the may roundup part two
May, 2004
grant + best
...as well as introducing a few new tricks. Like using Candy as a guitar during his song's solo. Holy fucking shit.
the may roundup part two
May, 2004
grant + best
And kissing his boo boo.
fatty quits and two karaoke nights
March 01, 2004
grant + best
This was too fucking funny: Jen Choi and Amber were arguing over who should get to drink an errant shot of whiskey (that was likley there because we're all girly men who were too pussy to drink it). Jen Choi was like "How about we each drink half?" Amber was like "Sounds good. Here, I'll drink the first half." Then after pausing for a moment, she yelled "SUCKER!" and shot the shot. I managed to catch Jen's face right when she started to realize she'd been had. That just goes to prove the old adage: Never trust a heavily tattooed girl in a hot-pink lycra shirt to share her whiskey.
the march roundup
March, 2004
grant + best
...concuss himself out as rammed the can into his head full-force while doing the old "Hey look at me! I'm the guy with a mohawk who crushes cans on his head" trick.
the march roundup
March, 2004
grant + best
Transaction complete! (Note Caitlin pulling another great expression of astonishment)
welcome back grant party
February 26, 2004
grant + best
It's not even midnight and already Jen and Beth are acting up.
welcome back grant party
February 26, 2004
grant + best
Hahah.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
grant + best
Grant holding my horse for me while I dismounted to open the gate next to the hoof guard so that we could move on to a different area of the ranch.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
grant + best
Grant and the Fatty on theirs. Now, one thing to keep in mind - the horses we were riding weren't wimpy petting zoo horses that have been ridden by hundreds of people. These horses were broken, but don't get ridden all that often - and when they do get ridden, they're ridden by real cowboys who know how to handle them. So in the beginning, we each had to spend quite a bit of time with our horses pretending like we knew how to act like we were in charge.
trip to cali part 4: the circle w ranch
December 18, 2003
grant + best
I was trying to take a photo of Grant biting the giant "Randy's Donuts" sign but right at the last minute, this big truck came into the pic almost blocking at I had to yell "Go high! Go high!" to even get the Donut in the pic. Mmmmm. Donuts.
trip to cali part two: la to san francisco
December 13, 2003
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Hahahaha.
trip to cali part 1: nyc to la
December 10, 2003
grant + best
Then the birthday boy gave it a shot. Hahahaha.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
grant + best
Hahahaha.
grant's surprise party
November 07, 2003
grant + best
So a few minutes later, G and I are sitting in Burger King kicking it with a coupla Whoppers, and this girl with a really great bum walks by. As soon as she'd passed, Grant was like "Get your camera ready! I want to show you what I'd like to do to that chick's ass." And thus came about my new all-time favorite pic of the Man, the legend, the King of Tee-Effing Ass, Grant "Pow, Howdaya Like Me Now" Stoddard.
european vacation part 21: heading home!
November 01, 2003
grant + best
After my little nappy nap, Grant and I headed down to Eastern Eye to pick up the enormous order of Indian food we'd ordered for dinner (where I managed to snap this sick-ass photo of Grant's superb rendition of the rarely seen sideways variation of the DLR [that's Mr. Lee Roth, to you son] air kick.)
european vacation part 19: a day in essex
October 31, 2003
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...which allowed him to lean in and totally win the "who can get their nuts closest to Fatty's face" contest. Holy shit. Bravo, Grant. Bravo.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
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...of Grant giving Fatty one of the best "Wedgie Sneak Attacks" ever captured on film. AWESOME. Less awesome is the fact that I didn't manage to capture the clobbering swing he administered to Grant's leg as he painfully reacted to the friction of a yard's-worth of fabric being zipped through his ass crack.
european vacation part 15: relaxing.
October 28, 2003
grant + best
It was getting pretty late and Shelby, Tymber's roommate, seemed like she was tired and getting ready to go home. Grant sensing that Shelby was going to try to get Tymber to leave early with her, tried to get Shelby in the mix out on the dance floor in hopes that she'd stay a little longer. Check out the Fatty peeping Grant's crafty "Hey, now let's ALL dance together!" move from the sidelines. Smoooooooooth! Hahaha.
european vacation part 14: the buddha cafe.
October 27, 2003
grant + best
Pulling out moves like this and everything. Kid ain't no joke, see?
european vacation part 14: the buddha cafe.
October 27, 2003
grant + best
As well as the "Hey, it was nice to meet you too" hug. If there was audio, this is where I'd have a clip of the "I did mention I have my own TV show coming out, right?" conversation. Hehehe.
european vacation part 14: the buddha cafe.
October 27, 2003
grant + best
But after the first pic, Grant turned around and gave a Randy "The Macho Man" Savage-style FLEX DOWN! Hahhahaha. (Oh, and here's a lil' treat! It's the hi-res, large version for all you Grant fans out there (mostly dudes, I'm assuming) who are looking for a little "Beefcake Stoddard" desktop wallpaper action.)
european vacation part 11: caves of matala.
October 26, 2003
grant + best
After the rock jumping photo session, Grant asked if I'd take some Bay Watchesque portraits of him.
european vacation part 11: caves of matala.
October 26, 2003
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How tough is the Fatty in this pic? See that drop off behind Fatty in the pic? That's actually a steep road that leads down to this little tiny part of the penninsula that goes out into the water. We drove down to explore and take a closer look.
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
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...quickly digressed into another Sears' Catalog-inspired photo shoot. "Look! Over there!" "No! Look over there!"
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
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Turns out, the highway was way less scary than the little road we'd been riding through town. On the little road, we were forced to ride in the sketchy, pothole ridden shoulder, where we constantly had to worry about cars pulling out in front of us and dogs that were running around in the street. But on the highway there was hardly any traffic and the shoulder was wide and smoothly paved. (By the way, you know you totally love my wind-styled Farrah Fawcett wings. They're the latest in cycling fashion.)
european vacation part 8: scooter madness!
October 25, 2003
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Live Show gets the thumbsdown! Here's us in the parking lot trying to assess the financial damage. Our four Russian "strippers" managed to fleece the four of us for a grand total of €120 in less than 20 minutes! And we still didn't manage to see any heines! We hopped in the car to drive the remaing 1/4 mile back to our resort, and in the moment of silence after we were finished laughing hysterically at what had just happened we all heard Grant say quietly to himself: "Hmmmmm. A hundred Euros, eh?" Hahahahaha.
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
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One of the first things we noticed: apparently Rethymnon has specifically designated "pedophilia" areas. Progressive!
european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.
October 24, 2003
grant + best
Tiffany heard us cackling and came in to investigate and decided to join in the fun. Here's Grant dishing some loving from behind...
central park, the candy shop and sarah d's party
September 06, 2003
grant + best
And here's Grant trying to lick his coco-juggz.
central park, the candy shop and sarah d's party
September 06, 2003
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Tara and I helped him bring all of his stuff back to his apartment, and then in a serious lapse of judgement, Tara agreed to close her eyes and let Grant surprise her - and in this case the surprise was all 10 inches of Jerome.
friday night out
September 05, 2003
grant + best
Grant and Tara as the Hatsy Twins.
karaoke with seth
September 02, 2003
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...she was feeling the tush-flashing vibe.
cake party part four
August 27, 2003
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So check it: This guy's long, braided hair was making Grant all mad. Even though he was standing 10 ft away from the guy Grant was all like "Ew, can you smell it? Can you smell his dirty, braided hair? Ew! I bet it smells!" So I was like, "Why don't you go find out....PUSSY?" So Grant goes over to the guy and I took this great picture of Grant smelling his hair. And then...
two bbqs and karaoke
August 16, 2003
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...egged on by me cracking up, he got all big balls and got really close and starting sniffing all loud. What my camera didn't capture is Grant almost getting handed a braided-beating when right after the above pic was snapped, the guy turned around all quick and almost caught Grant leaning in and sniffing. The guy wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but he was privy to the fact that he had just missed catching Grant doing something behind his back and wasn't very happy with him. Priceless. (Oh, and by the way, what's with his spray-painted shirt? Is this becoming a stupid trend or something?)
two bbqs and karaoke
August 16, 2003
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Here's Fatty telling his amazing story (complete with hand gestures) about a Russian girl he'd met through online dating who was only interested in getting her "rear emmissions checked" (if you know what I'm sayin'). Look at Frank's face, he's totally caught in the middle of saying "Duuuuude."
two bbqs and karaoke
August 16, 2003
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Before David had time to warn him, Grant turned the dial marked "Water Pressure" all the way to the most powerful setting. Check out his priceless expression as his O-ring is almost permanently damaged by a geyser that could give Old Faithful a run for its money.
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
grant + best
Why is it that when Grant get's really drunk he always ends up doing color-coordinated dance-duets with strange women?
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant + best
Holy shit, is that a gangsign Pascal's throwing down in the middle? These guys really have been reading my site!
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant + best
That is until he got next to her and forced his alcohol-impaired, little eyes to focus for a second. Actually, forget the dim light, s/he's actually pretty hot regardless of what she may (or may not be) packing downstairs.
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant + best
Death by Glamazon. Sign me up
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant + best
Shooter's Bible? First porn and now violence? I thought they were supposed to be a familiy joint.
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant + best
Afterwards, the three of us stopped into Max Fish for a drink and Tara grabbed Gran'ts luggage (don't worry, that's really just Photoshop too!).
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
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After months of getting people to willingly pose with my balls, it was time to try something new: getting unsuspecting people to unknowingly pose with my balls. I discreetly whipped out my bag, and grabbed one of our new friends for a picture. I handed off the cam to Seth who totally shit the bed by not managing to get my balls in the pic. Doh! The rest of the guys in the pic (Check out Grant and Franks' faces) were laughing so hard that the girl in the black shirt was totally confused...
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
grant + best
We showed off our "French Faces." What eez zee poin? Ehhh?
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant + best
Look! It's Count Beachula! The friendly, seashell-fanged gay vampire!
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant + best
Ok, this photo's a bit redundant, but I only included it because check out Fatty surreptitiously making faces at his date. Hahahaha.
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
grant + best
Grant stepped up and repped with the proper form. (Damn, that's good. Knowing him, he's been practicing that in the mirror for years).
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
grant + best
The pics of Grant and Fatty's entrees were blurry (not to mention not all that intersting) so why don't we move onto dessert. Shall we? Splendid! Here's Grant with his Crema de Limon Y Queso.
saturday park dinner at suba and karaoke
June 28, 2003
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Joanna, Grant's former Nerve intern (and founder of BurningAngel) came down to hang out. She recently started dancing at a Jersey noodie club and is making so much money that after three weeks she was able to buy a new car (which she paid for with a garbage full of money that she brought with her to the dealership). You probably won't realize that I'm not kidding until you see me in three weeks after I'm back from my breast augmentation surgery.
memorial day out in nj
May 26, 2003
grant + best
Special thanks to my main man Matty Matt for keeping the music going all night. (Yo, this kid's been spinning records at our house parties since all the way back in 1997!)
emma's 30th birthday: part two
May 21, 2003
grant + best
Josh, Grant and myself with Jess and her "two friends." (Dennis Crowley said it best in a recent email: "this may be one of the best photos ever snapped with a digicam.")
emma's 30th birthday: part two
May 21, 2003
grant + best
...this time he made sure to wear pants that can only be described as "ass-a-liscous!" Grant Stoddard kneels down so he can appreciate it in all its full glory.
emma's 30th birthday: part one
May 21, 2003
grant + best
Hey! Remember The Ass? (If not, you must take immediately take a time out from this entry to go back and read about him. Just click here, don't worry, it'll open into another window for you.) All caught up? Well then you're probably thinking to yourself "Wow Brian, how in the world did The Ass (who's real name is Stevie, I'd like to add) end up at your party?" I'm glad you asked. Most of you know that I work for an online dating company. One of the people who reviews the profiles when they're created came across Stevie's profile and emailed it to my attention. I emailed Stevie through the personals and sent him a link the aforementioned diary entry (when I dragged him out of Lombardi's to photograph his ass). He thought the pics were hilarious so I invited him to the party. And he came! AND..
emma's 30th birthday: part one
May 21, 2003
grant + best
Special Guest Commentary from Grant Stoddard via IM: "As we learned early on, the main perk of bartending is having total control of the juke box *and* full license to play air guitar along to the metal anthems you select."

(Major bonus points taken away from whoever took this pic and managed to almost crop me completely out while I'm making what looks like it could've been the best "metal face" I've ever pulled. Curse you!)
guest bartending at iggy's keltic lounge
May 08, 2003
grant + best
Oh, wait. This picture, that's what.
the may roundup
May, 2003
grant + best
Grant getting jokey at Ikea. Monday after work he, myself and Fatty drove out to New Jersey - they were buying stuff for their new apartments...
the may roundup
May, 2003
grant + best
I got a new camera and the shutter timing is different than my old one - so when I went to snap a pic of Grant doing his now famous DLR Splitkick (David Lee Roth), the camera went off early and I instead captured him making this awesome face.

(PS - This is a true story: One time, Grant and I were down at the Jersey Shore and on the way back home, we stopped at a noody bar in Tom's River called Delilah's Den. We were sitting at the bar/stage chatting. One of the dancers came over and struck up a conversation with Grant. She asked where he lived, and after he told her "Chinatown, in Manhattan." She replied, "Oh, yeah. I guess I can kind of see that in your eyes." Seriously, true story.)
trip to philly
April 19, 2003
grant + best
Winnie's didn't have paper tablecloths so Grant was forced to draw his nightly picture of me on a karaoke request slip and hold it up for the cam.
lorelei's 31st birthday
April 08, 2003
grant + best
Stingy Lulu's has these cross-dressing lounge singers that jump all over the place and harrass the shit outta all the people trying to eat. But yo, check out her face - is that some scary Planet of the Apes shit or what?
saturday night out
April 04, 2003
grant + best
So after we leave, who do we see sitting on the sidewalk just a few feet from the broken door slumped against the building next to a pile of his own vomit? (Suddenly his little, matching denin Osh-Gosh-esque outfit seemed apropo). That's right, it's the evil door kicker! Regardless of the rough shape he was in, he was still a good enough sport to wipe the puke from his chin and coldlamp for this supremely awesome pic.
grant gets gay
March 27, 2003
grant + best
...and we finally managed to blend in at The Hole. "Haaaaaay!"
grant gets gay
March 27, 2003
grant + best
One night when we were out like two years ago, Grant busted out his impressoin of "Molly Ringwald in every 80's movie" dance-move and cracked us all up. But ever since then, everytime he tries to dance, he inadvertently ends up doing the same Molly Ringwald dance - it just happens and he can't seem to stop. For once, the total and complete gayness that said dance move conjures, worked in his favor. You go, girlfriend!
grant gets gay
March 27, 2003
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Hahaha. Grant cold lamps with Mike Skinner (aka - The Streets).
spun movie premiere party
March 06, 2003
grant + best
Grant tries to get some stranger into the true DLR (that's David Lee Roth) spirit of things by doing a toe-touch jump in the beginning of his performance of Van Halen's "Panama."
sweet ups karaoke
March 04, 2003
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Grant with Scott "Bizarro Dave" Weinstein.
tiffany's birthday
March 01, 2003
grant + best
For those of you who don't live here, Crazy Pomodoro Guy is our loving nickname for a guy named Jack. He stands right outside our office on the corner of Broadway and Spring all day holding a sign that advertises Pomodoro Pizza. He fucking rules.
end of january
January 18, 2003
grant + best
Bwa-hahahaha! Here's Grant surreptitiously giving Alex the ol' "Get a Load of This Guy" face for the cam. (Bonus points to the guy over Grant's right shoulder laying down the double-ironic "Who does this guy think he is making fun of that other guy" face. Ha!)
nerve and spring streets' holiday party
January 16, 2003
grant + best
I retaliated with this drawing that pretty much upset Grant for the rest of the night. ("I don't really look like that, do I? Dude! C'mon! Seriously, I don't look like that, right?")
sarah d's birthday parties
January 11, 2003
grant + best
Sign O' the Devil. "Scream for me New York...RUN-FOR-YOUR-LIVES!"
heavy metal karaoke at arlenes grocery
December 30, 2002
grant + best
Proprietor and emcee "Owen the Brummie" gives madd props where madd props is due with a double index finger hail. This was the exact moment where the Arlene Grocery foundations were thoroughly shaken for the first of four times on that fateful evening.
heavy metal karaoke at arlenes grocery
December 30, 2002
grant + best
...you're crosstown on the Bowery splattering your own shoes with vomit.
grant gets wasted
December 01, 2002
grant + best
You know, life's funny: One minute you're riding high at a fancy-smancy club in the West Village and dancing with a hot chick. And then just 10 minutes later...
grant gets wasted
December 01, 2002
grant + best
Turns out, the chica was totally diggin his shizzit and started cutting some serious rug with him.
grant gets wasted
December 01, 2002
grant + best
Grant was sweating this chick for awhile, so after he finished his ridicu-normous-sized drink he mustered up enough liquid courage to go up and start dancing with her.
grant gets wasted
December 01, 2002
grant + best
Me: "BWA-HAHAHAHA!"
Grant: "*cough, sputter, cough, cough*"
grant gets wasted
December 01, 2002
grant + best
On Saturday, while browsing for discounted Canadian porn, we found out about Grant's former life as a model for the "Mr. Jack: Hungy, Hard Sucking, Mouth! (complete with multi-variable vibration unit). Check that shit out, the resemblance is uncanny.
boys weekend in montreal
November 22, 2002
grant + best
Six cheap Canadian beers later, Grant somehow figured out he could really do a DLR-style (David Lee Roth) jumpkick!!! Check out this shit I managed to capture mid-air.
boys weekend in montreal
November 22, 2002
grant + best
Seven Layer put on a fancy shirt and wasn't about to get clam sauce all over it...check him shamelessly sporting the fucking Guinea Bib. Molto bello, fuckhead! (PS - Bonus Points to Grant for an amazing "get a load of this fuggin' guy" face).
boys weekend in montreal
November 22, 2002
grant + best
After Grant took a hold of him, I didn't mind the farting so much.
little dashiell martin
September 14, 2002
grant + best
The most obvious perk at an empty beach is that there aren't any people around. A less-realized, ancillary perk is that sometimes your female friends will take out their "perks" and sun them in front of you. Grant peeps over Sarah's bizzoobie.
two days at fort tilden
September 07, 2002
grant + best
Hahahaha! Look at Grant's expression in the background.
two days at fort tilden
September 07, 2002
grant + best
We promptly busied ourselves turning him into a sand-bodied hermaphrodite; complete with boobies and a sand-crafted cockn'ballz. (Yep, we are mature.)
two days at fort tilden
September 07, 2002
grant + best
No stranger to whipping out my own bag, I handed over the camera and teamed up with Grant for this amazing photo. (Look at our faces!!! nd bonus points to me for actually resting my nuts on the guys chair.)
new jersey weekend
August 16, 2002
grant + best
Here's the best pic of the night: Em & Vin! Who knew?
my 26th birthday party!
August 10, 2002
grant + best
This is the 2nd best pic of the night. Vin & Josh blow up Grant's spot ("Who does that guy think he is back there?") as he tries to kick it to Amanda in the background. HAHAHA!
my 26th birthday party!
August 10, 2002
grant + best
Grant and Vin.
the mermaid parade 2002
June 22, 2002
grant + best
Look at how red his face is! Hahaha!
grant gets beat up
June 09, 2002
grant + best
This is my favorite picture. I think that expression he's wearing is what you'd call "genuine panic." (Which you'd be wearing too if a giant, well-trainer wrestler was putting you in a "small package.")
grant gets beat up
June 09, 2002
grant + best
Grant was getting sentimental watching all the little kids get swung around by one of the Dads there. Hating to see him down, I was happy to indulge him in a little trip down memory lane.
lisa carver's suprise baby shower
May 05, 2002
grant + best
It's just like the Abbey Road album cover (except for the, um, huge painting of the gay poet with a boner).
moving to manhattan
April 14, 2002
grant + best
Dave G (The Ladies' Choice) has got to get with the program! He's all in the background making his "Party Guy Face" when we clearly told him that it was a "Blue Steel" moment.
goodbye, billyburg
April 13, 2002