And his friends??? (Lukas' face in this pic! lol). I ended up getting a text from Grant and David who where nearby getting ice cream so I brought Lukas over for a man-hang.
After we had finished soaking the sponges attached to the electrodes with salt-water, we secured them to their proper spot on Grant's skull with a headband. Because hey, if you're going to get your brain fried, you may as well go out looking fabulous when it happens! But seriously...
Right when we were about to get another round of Pina Coladas, someone walked by us on the beach selling especially potent locally-made alcoholic beach drinks called which are colloquially called Nutcrackers!
Not only is Grant the kind of friend that drives to the airport at midnight to pick you up, unfurl a flag and feed you Canadian donuts, he also stocks the car with exoctic local delicacies like ketchup-flavored potato chips!
Five-and-a-half hours later, I arrived in Vancouver to find Grant awaiting me with an unfurled Canadian flag and a box of TimBits, Tim Horton's answer to the Munchkin.
Backstage after the performance had finished! The piece was totally wild. It started with Theresa in a white-dress and lovely make-up. Her hair was pinned-up in an elaborate "beauty pageant-style" hair-do that concealed a bunch of large ink-filled balloons!
Grant and I emerged from backstage, carrying Theresa in a chair and set her down on a large sheet of paper in front of the audience. After we cleared away, a photographer approached Theresa and started taking a series of close-up portraits of her like they doing a fashion-shoot. She made uncomfortable smiles and posed for his camera. A minute or two into the "shoot," she acted like she was playing with her hair, but she was secretly popping the ink-filled balloons! As she popped each balloon, a gush of jet blank ink seemed to appear from nowhere and would stream over her face and onto the white dress.
The performance ended with the the lights suddenly turning off. Now came the part that we'd spent hours rehearsing! Grant and I had to go out in the darkness...
The other was an investigative journalism piece for Penthouse! "The Squirt Meister: There's a masseur in New York City who says he can provoke female ejaculation in any woman. Our lucky reporter took two volunteers to test his claim."
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself -
Yea, all which it inherit - shall dissolve,
And like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
Later that night we met up with David on the street and went to dinner! Meredith snapped this picture of us right after we all met up on the street. Love it so much.
After our beach stroll, we were walking back to our hotel and we can across one of the the funiest bizarro dopplegangers I've ever seen! Looks like Bizarro Midget Grant Stoddard's been Big Game Fishin' again!
Ellen wanted me to take a picture of her "giving it" to Grant. She got on top of him, grabbed his legs and then just as I was about to take the pic, she threw his legs back and fold-fucked him in half! Hahahaha. Look at the expression on his face! He totally didn't see it coming!
Grant was so distracted, that he eventually just ended up inviting the guy up on stage. Things got even weirder when he produced a Minnie Mouse hand puppet from out of thin air.
On Friday afternoon I hopped on the Eastside uptown bus near the United Nations to visit a certain someone at their new job at Playgirl Magazine. Can you guess who it was by looking at their desk? Let's see....Golden Girls DVD Box Set, Silly Hat and "Red Boy" Brand ginormous DILDO! Hmmm....If you guessed...
...Grant Stoddard, you are correct, sir! Back in May Grant briefly worked (as a Staff Writer? Editor?) at Playgirl Magazine. A few weeks after starting, his book sold and he promptly left.
...moustaches! Hahaha. Every single time I look at Grant's expression in this pic I actually laugh out loud. (And now that I'm looking again, I guess my silky, blonde moustache is pretty sweet as well).
I got up to help him out and was told that he didn't need any help "figuring out his own camera, Goddamnit!" So I took some photos of everyone waiting. Hahah.
Grant and David demonstrate "The Eiffel Tower of Power High Five" with Miye as the lucky girl "in the middle." Check out the sweat stains - did I mention that by this point in the August night my apartment was about 110 degrees?
Awwwww! Thanks so much guys! You are the best friends ever. (Sorry I moved back so soon!). I started to put my gifts away and they were all like "No, no, no. After all the time we spent rounding that stuff up, you're wearing it at the party, CALIFORNIA BOY!"
....PANTYBANDIT! Awwww yeah, lemme hear ya! Check out Scott laughing because he total caught the PantyBandit in action. (PS - I'd be lying if I didn't mention that this photo kind of gives me a boner.)
We ended up heading out the Runway 69 in Queens which on the sign outside promised some very intriguing 'All "NUDE" Dancing.' Grant was stymied, while Seth seemed to have...
After our club "experience" (I seem to recall getting treated to visually stunning dispaly of vaginal gymnastics including a woman who smoked a cigarette "down there") we hopped back into the limo and headed back to Manhattan to find something to eat.
We got to the building in question and fucked around pressing all the apartment buzzers until someone finally buzzed us in (Holly Golightly style, boyeeee). We weren't positive the intelligence we'd gotten was accurate until we got into the lobby and saw this sticker on one of the mailboxes (I shit you not!). He even calls himself DLR. Fucking amazing.
Oh, so I forgot to mention. On the walk over to Sarah's, I ran into my friend Emily on the street who pointed out David Lee Roth's new two-storey apartment to me. I won't give away his exact address, but suffice it to say, one of the floors has a prominent balcony that overlooks a heavily foot-trafficked area of the Lower East Side). Anyway, she told me that according to rumor, DLR was having a huge Fourth of July party on his balcony. When I relayed this info to Grant and the Fatty, we all decided that we had no choice: we had to round up a group and attempt to crash it.
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